Purplecatlover

I didn't know what the pink cloud was. Now I know & mine has gone.
I feel better physically but emotionally, I'm still pretty raw. Depression keeps creeping in. How long should I wait before looking into antidepressants? Been sober 38 days.
I've always suffered from depression. Before drinking.

Alcohol thoughts are invading my mind once again. I don't really want to drink. Just can't deal with my emotions, self defeating thoughts.
Any advice?

MustStop

My pink cloud came and went around the 1 - 2 week mark. Since then its been a roller coaster ride of intense ups and downs that are very unpredictable. Woke up today on a high but I've since fallen. Yesterday I woke up on a low but went to bed that night on a high. I'd really like to know when this will end, day 31 here.

dababy

Hang in there! Reading your posts inspires me to do better.

Sapling

I have to ask...Are either of you working any kind of recovery program or plan or method..Or anything? If so...What is it?

SoberDawg

I fought AA for 23 yrs. I finally gave it a try as a last resort. In march I will have one year sober. My sobriety is great. I rarely think of a drink. I owe it all to the steps that I was given in the program. I remember how I felt around the 40 day mark. I understand your issues. In my opinion I think it is normal. However, I had to have some tools to get past the uncomfortable feelings and desire to drink. This took a support group and personal relationships in the program. I had to trust other's experiences and remedies to get me through my new found feelings. As corny as it sounds, it works. It really works. If I work it. With some time and much effort in recovery I have found that if I have genuine humility and trust in God I can always ride that pink cloud if I choose.

CaiHong

Recovery seems to be different for everyone but I think without dispute you need a program just to keep you informed about what you are going through and support while you are going through it.

I am coming up to nine months sober and what I knew about recovery in the beginning is nothing to what I know now intellectually and spiritually.

This forum fillled in a lot of the gaps.

You have to believe it will get better and hang in there.

All the best
CaiHong

Purplecatlover

I read BB, Beyond the Influence. Work the steps on my own. Is there any book type guide to help me thru the steps? AA meetings are not an option for me. But I like the 12 steps.
Alot of my turmoil is unresolved conflict w/ my mentally ill mother. It's hard to amend things when she lives in her own world. I have always been HER parent. I'm learning to deal w/ these issues. To take care of me. I just always feel guilty. Like I should do more, be more, etc. I can barely take care of myself & all my responsibilities. I feel overwhelmed.

I'm lost b/c I like to be in control & there's so much I have to surrender.

Sapling

I was working my fourth step..Going to at least two meetings a day...Meeting new sober friends...Calling my sponsor...Calling my new sober friends...Reading the Big Book...Listening to speaker tapes....I don't even remember what I felt like at 40 days....I didn't have time to think about it.

Purplecatlover

I just have serious time restraints. Working fulltime, child, husband, house,etc. feels like I'm always doing something & still have a million things to do. I have no downtime to devote to myself. I try. Working on myself.
But being pulled in 50 directions.

Anna

I tried to control everything in my life, too, and you know, I found it was a huge relief to just let go and just 'be'.

My depression began years before I began drinking, and I did need antidepressants to level the playing field for me. I continue to take them because I know that slipping into the darkness again is not an option for me.

sugarbear1

"If it is important to you, you will find a way. If not, you will find an excuse."

This is your quote. I made time to drink, I made time for a program of recovery.

Not drinking is an awesome beginning!!! Stay stopped!

Dee74

I think if you've always suffered from depression it's probably a good idea to speak with your Dr, PCL

I found some counselling was useful for me too with my self defeating thoughts - the best remedy for me tho was just keeping away from alcohol and trying to deal with my problems as they came up.

I began to think better about myself after 90 days or so....it was hard to keep thinking badly of myself when I knew I was doing all I could to be a better person...

D

Sapling

Hey PCL...Is that why meetings and getting a sponsor aren't an option for you?

Purplecatlover

Partly. But I live in a small rural area. Everyone knows everyone. So AA would not be annonymous. And it might have negative repercussions w/ my job.
I went to them before when I was in a big city & did get something out of it.
Im not trying to make excuses to drink. I REALLY don't want to go there. I just need help learning to deal w/ life on life's terms, as they say.
Like Anna said, learn to just "be"

Purplecatlover

I will figure this out. I will get out of my own head. I will not drink. Thanks for your responses.
I will get better somehow, someway.
Some days I'm eager for the battle.
Somedays, I'm tired of fighting.
But fight on I will.
I'm a survivor. I've been through way too much in my 35 yrs to give up now.

Sapling

It doesn't have to be a battle...I don't have to fight it. I was willing to go to any lengths...And I did. Good luck to you PCL.

katrinka

I'm in the same boat purplecatlover. Small town, everybody knows your business, and I work in the public sector. So that's why I'm happy to have found these forums, I just can't trust AA. But Sugarbear has a really great point. How much time did we devote to drinking? I spent whole evenings doing nothing but drinking. So we need to put that much effort into out recovery, too. Thanks Sugarbear, I never thought of it that way, what a revelation!

Sapling

I don't get that living in a small town BS....Drive to the next town if you have to...Drive to the next state if you have to...This is your life you are talking about...What's it worth to you?

jocata

Can u at least talk to a therapist about your depression?

God bless.

Missy7

Purplecat--I agree with you about the closed society and the small town. Also about a schedule that's so busy you never have time to be busy. I'm earlier than you but pretty committed. How far would you have to drive to get to an anonymous AA meeting? For me it's about 25 miles. But I've done it a couple of times. Will need to again.