purplebird

I am 29 years old with two kids. I live with my father who has liver disease due to his many years of drinking. Up until last night and to my knowledge, he has been sober for 9 years. He is still living a full life. He works, attends church regularly, and is an excellent father and grandfather. He has attended AA meetings.

Last evening, he said he was running errands. He called my sister 5 hours later and left a voice mail asking for a ride home saying he was drunk. A new friend of his pressured him into drinking "just one" beer and that turned into a few. He said "it felt good to drink a beer again." He drove himself home, luckily in one piece.

I have not yet said anything to him but my memories of the past are haunting me again. I have the same emotions welling up again. Anger, concern, worry, etc... My question is, should I say something to him? If so, how and what do I say? My mother (who was married to him for 28 years) recommended I not say anything. I want to tell him of my disappointment, and ask him to go to his AA meetings and meet with our deacon. But I don't want to push him too far or overstep my boundaries. What is everyone elses opinion?

IrishEyes88

That's a tough one. My dad has never been an alcoholic, but he does have some health issues, and there are times i feel like he's pushing himself too hard or letting himself get too stressed. But he's still my Dad. I don't want to "scold" him or tell him not to do something like he's a child. Sometimes I do say something, but sometimes I trust that he knows how to care for himself.

Observe your Dad for a few weeks. See if he slips up again or changes his mood or behavior. He may regret what he did and plan on not doing that again. If he brings up the subject, tell him how you honestly feel. If he does slip up again, say something but not like you're talking down to him.

Hope that helped a little....

Willybluedog

Purplebird, welcome to you, so glad you are here, was your dad an alcoholic during your childhood, if so I am assuming this is triggering some old memories for you.

Your dad has to work his recovery and you need to work yours, have you been to al-anon, or counseling, did you attend alateen when you were younger?

What you need to do is decide what your boundaries are, are you ok with him driving while intoxicated, are you ok raising your child in a home with an active alcoholic. If he goes back to AA and stops drinking will that be enough. If not then you need to decide what you are going to do.

There is lots of good information on this site, the permamanant posts or "stickies" are especially helpful.

There are many good people who want to be here for you and help if they can, I will be here to listen if you need to talk or vent.

Big hugs,

Bill

Kialua

If you can keep your calm while talking to him I would do it. Asking him to go to his meetings or talk to his sponsor is probably a good idea. But not if you can't handle it without breaking down.

Welcome to the forum, sorry for your fears and this all happening.

purplebird

Thanks everyone for the wonderful advice! I really appreciate it. My dad brought up the conversation and we did discuss it. I did ask him to go to AA meetings again. He knows his decisions were bad that night. I told him that I will support him in sobriety but I cannot support him if he drinks again. It's been 9 years since he last drank and deal with this. I will look through the "stickys" and brush up. Thanks again!

Kialua

I'm glad he brought it up, hope things go well. Keep us posted, we can be here for you.