Marytherboo

I've been tearing myself apart about what to do when AH comes out of rehab--and this morning as I was doing my morning reading a thought struck me:

If he had cancer, and the doctors told you the treatment that could save his life, would you hesitate? Would you let your feelings of loneliness or sorrow cost him his life? Would you let doubts over the success of the treatment keep you from trying? Of course not!

AH has a life-threatening illness. Neither he nor I can determine the best plan of care for him, any more than we could prescribe our own chemo or do our own surgery. The only sane solution is to accept the plan that AHs team of professionals think will give him the best odds.

So that's what I am resolved to do. And the sinking, twisting ball of nausea has stopped since that thought hit my brain. I am entrusting this to my HP and getting back to working on myself.

Thanks for listening...this is probably old hat for many of you, but it's still blinding to me...

blwninthewind

Anvilhead said what I was going to.

Addiction isn't a choice...but not seeking treatment, following a program IS.

If your A decides they want to reject treatment...that is his right...but you have the right to say you aren't going to stick around and watch him slowly kill himself.

It isn't your job to convince him or anything else. you don't OWE him anything.
Honestly recovery is hard too.
Many relationships don't make it.
It takes hard work and dedication to change by BOTH people to make a relationship work at all...no less one that involves addiction recovery and some just don't have it in them to handle it.

Marytherboo

I agree, anvilhead. And AH is no victim. He has a treatable illness which so far he has refused to treat. My only point is that I can let go of all of it, including any responsibility for determining what the next step of treatment (if he chooses to pursue it further) should be. I can leave that to the professionals and pray that they will have wisdom and insight to guide him well. And I can pray that AH allows himself to be guided before he ends up killing himself. Beyond that, though, my only true obligation is to straighten out my own internal mess. I love the man, but this time the most loving thing I can do is step back and let him choose without me muddying the waters. Either he'll sober up or he won't.