olliepop151

I don't even know where to start, never thought I would actually be writing about this but I need someone to talk to or vent or just type away to who ever is reading this..
When I first met my boyfriend (8 months ago) he confessed that he had a problem with opiates and he was taking suboxone daily to help with the addiction. However..in december he broke down and told me that he had never stopped (actually he really only stopped taking subs..) and had been doing oxys more than ever but he was really ready to quit. I believed him. he lost his job so I would help him and give him money for subs off the street thinking it would help and he wouldn't go back to the pills. almost 3 months went by and was back to the obvious sneaky behavior, i was in a car with him and he was texting the guy in the BACKSEAT..i confronted and of course lied adn said he was trying to surprise me for valentines day. Found out he was just texting him to grab some pills. I confronted him again and he showed me his arms.. track marks. Never thought it would come to this. he told me he stopped snorting them and now just shoots them everyday, well except for the days i gave him money for subs thinking it was helping in his progress i thought he was making. nope, just to find out it was just for the days he wasn't shooting up. He has pawned almost all of his games, movies, everything.. I should have seen the signs, i just didn't want to believe it i guess.. he wears long sleeves ALL the time, when we actually have sex (rarely) he turns the lights off and immediately puts on a shirt after (sorry TMI) I just never thought it would have gotten this bad and I don't know what to do, i want to cry, punch him, and puke all at the same time. I'm so in love with him and I don't even know how to talk to him, all i think about is him sticking needles in his arm so lost.

cc88

Hi there,

I'm so sorry to hear about your boyfriend. This is a good safe place to find sound advice. I would say that you may like some of what you hear and may hate others of it, but for the most part its truth and its wisdom. Listen and learn. Read the sticky's at the top.

My personal opinion, (take it/leave it) the bad news is that someone you love is using, that your heart is broken, and that you are distraught. The great news is you're young, you've only invested 8 months into the relationship (I say 'only' just because there are men and women who have given almost half their lives to the hope that their loved one would change), you don't have children (this drastically complicates things) and you are SEEKING help for YOU. This is good.

More will be along shortly with better words than I. Hang in there,

Hugs.

Loneywife

I am so sorry that you have to go through this. I am also dealing with an Oxy addict.

Go to a Nar-anon meeting in your area. There are other people that are dealing with the same thing and can offer more support.

outtolunch

Addiction is progressive. He was popping pills. Then snorting. Now shooting IV. What's next?

Opiate addicts often find suboxone useful when they are temporarily unable to score their drug of choice. Those who are serious about getting off the junk, don't buy subs off the streets. Your guy is just doing what addicts do.

None of us would be here if all it took was love and support to get our friends and family off the junk. There is nothing you can do or say that is going to cause him to stop. You are not that powerful. None of us are.

Keep in mind that he is not using dope at you. It's not personal. It just feels that way.

Drugs have rewired his brain to protect and sustain addiction. Lying, stealing and manipulation are the tools of addiction. When you give/loan money to an addict, you are enabling their addiction.


You have the choice to remain front row center to all of this and more, or not.
You can get off this crazy train any time you want to do so, when you are ready to do so.

In the mean time, stop, just stop giving him money, protect your money, credit cards, checkbook, jewelry and other stuff that can be traded or pawned. Double up on birth control because HIV and other nasty stuff are common with IV users. Parethood does not cure addiction. Separate the hopeful fantasy of the guy you need and/or want him to be and focus on the here and now.

I don't know you although I know you deserve a better relationship than being the third wheel to a guy and his dope.

Farfalla

Anvil and Outtolunch thank you for posting. You are spot on!

Farfalla

Run Forest Run!

KuanYin

olliepop151, you came to the right place. People who shoot oxys don't simply start overnight nor do they stop overnight. My 26 year old son is an opiate addict, shoots oxys, and does numerous other drugs. He's been on subs, methadone, been to jail more times than I can count, been in more than 12 different types of rehabs. Oh he's good looking, great sense of humor, awesome personality, he's the guy that 'to know him is to love him', would give you the shirt off his back kinda guy. And smart, he can do all sorts of college geometry, algebra, trig, but never bothered going to college, too busy smokin those blunts. And sadly now he has a little girl who will soon be 4 years old. And her daddy, who she never gets to see, shoots oxys. Life is not supposed to be that way.

None of us can tell you what to do, but we can tell you what we've been through and what the prospects are likely, in a life with a shooter. Look at how it is now and imagine addiction as progressive .... increasing because the current dose just doesn't cut it anymore and they need more and more to get their fix, so that means more money, more money, more money, and who is going to supply that money? Who supplies the money now? Oxycontin/roxycontin is a synthetic morphine, some have said it's more powerful than heroin, at least more addictive than heroin. If I had a choice to give birth to a child who was going to be an addict, or to a child who was not going to be an addict, guess which I'd choose?

kmangel

My son was a pain meds addict before he became a heroin addict. He tried to get off drugs himself, took suboxone both off the street and from doctors. I remember him telling me he was trying to break his habit. He would be clean a month or so but he would always go back to the drugs. Then it got easier for him to shoot heroin. Never in a million years did I think I would have a heroin addict for a son. The only thing that gave him a chance at living drug free was rehab. He didn't come to his own decision to go to rehab--he was court ordered to 28 days in rehab after getting two DUI's.

Eventually your boyfriend's addiction will catch up to him. He may think he can beat this demon on his own, but he can't. I'm not positive my son has beat his demons. He recently had kidney stones after having been opiate clean for seven months. I don't think he purposefully started using them again. He was in a lot of pain so he thought he'd take the pain meds the doctor prescribed, thinking he'd take them as prescribed. I had read in all my research on drug addiction that when a person starts back up using again, they fall right back into the level of use they left off on. My son immediately started using his pain meds just like he used them at the height of his addiction (20 a day, not the 3 prescribed per day for pain). His body had not built up to 20 a day. I don't know how dangerous that actually was for him going right back to 20 a day, but I imagine it was dangerous. Thank God nothing bad happened to him. I caught on to what he was doing and he stopped. Even so he had three days of withdrawal to face. It wasn't as bad as the three weeks it took in rehab to detox his body and he was so surprised how easy it was to get addicted again. Instantaneous.

Your boyfriend must go to rehab to begin healing from his addiction. Nothing less will do. Then he will have much work ahead of him to fully recover. Unless he's willing to do both--rehab and recovery--don't even entertain the thought of a life with him. You'll be no better than you are now with him--and most likely much worse off than you are now. My son is in a relationship with a young woman now who has a seven year old daughter and I hope he'll do right by her, but I am realistic about their situation. He's not done any real recovery work since leaving rehab and I don't have a good feeling about their chances to succeed. Maybe he'll surprise me. I pray to God he does.

EnglishGarden

Thank you for sharing your story, kmangel. It hit home with me, as my abf turned cold and withdrew from me after he had a terrible bicycling accident and had to be put on morphine in the hospital. He is (was?) a recovering heroin addict with 15 years clean in the program. He was completely different two months out of the hospital: selfish, grandiose, cold, and unavailable. I was shattered.

Dr. Drew calls such scenarios--a clean addict receiving needed pain medication-- "waking the beast."

Ollie, yes, you are so lost. We all do understand. It is a terrible fog we are inside, with the addict, and everything real has disappeared.

You won't want to leave him, you will hope there's a chance. He may ask you to stick by him and tell you he would do the same for you if you had his problem.

Unfortunately, Ollie, it is Addiction speaking to you and reaching for you. Asking you to enable It, so It can destroy your boyfriend.

Please remember, enabling helps the drugs kill the addicts.

It would be best if you stepped away and insisted on a period of sobriety (at the least, 6 months) before any reunion.

All best wishes to you. Your life is very important.

coolrobin2

Please get out of this relationship and keep yourself safe! My son is 21 and started shooting oxy's a couple of years ago. He has HEP C now; he swore to me over and over again that he didn't share needles, but he did, and I never believed him. I knew for certain when I saw his eyes turn yellow from the jaundice.

Eight months is a short time; do it now before it turns into eight YEARS of this.

somberheart

My husband shoots them too. Hes a pin cushion. We've been together 9 years and all of our adult life. I wish I was only looking at 9 months to give up. But regardless, 9 months or 9 years spent with someone it all hurts the same. and it will be nothing compared to what he is capable of destroying. its not worth it, i thought for some reason it would be worth it for me to stick around "for better or worse" ya know. But its not, i should've walked away a long time ago. when I was stronger..walking away is the best thing you can do for him right now..hes going to say mean things and probably do ridiculous stuff, but dont give in. Good luck!

somberheart

coolrobin, I recently read a study that stated that you can get Hep C from sharing the "cookers" & "filters" ( even shared water!) of another drug users and not just the same needle. Apparently the risks were just as high as if they were sharing a needle. They think they are "safe" because they arent sharing, but utimately its still just as dangerous, isn't that something. I do know Hep C can live on the surface of something for weeks at a time too, whichs makes more sense for it to live on the surface of a "cooker". I wonder if the same applies to HIV? This is something I may have to do a little research on.

bluebelle

Anybody who has a relationship with an IV drug user is at risk for Hep C. I would get yourself tested for it. Hep C lives on surfaces for a long time, and it doesn't take much blood to spread. From what I know, HIV is harder to get because it doesn't survive as long outside the body. I think the best thing is to let your doctor know about your partner/husband so that they can decide what you need to be tested for. That's the best thing to protect you and your family.

KuanYin

That's correct. When I worked for a Substance Abuse Treatment Facility, I worked as an HIV/AIDS Counselor/Outreach worker for a while. (I'm also a licensed Med Tech). It's true the virus responsible for HIV is fragile outside the body and doesn't live very long. Hepatitis B and C however, can live in dried blood on countertops for weeks because the virus itself is encapsulated, and thus protected. So yes, it's passed from one person to another through sharing the water, the spoon/cooker, and filters, and of course needles and the syringes.

That said, it's not recommended for people who inject to share their "works" with anyone, because there is always the risk of passing along HIV as well.

inpieces314

My cousin died of Hep C waiting on a liver 2 years ago. He stopped using drugs in his 20's. He died when he was 42.

It catches up to you, one way or another, and let me tell you, it may have taken 2 decades, but it was still a very disgusting and horrible way to die. He had 3 sons. The oldest was 16. He was #1 in the state for a liver transplant. It didn't matter.

You know what I remember most about the funeral? He was so yellow, it was insane. The jaundice couldn't be covered up no matter how much makeup they used. And he was a really big guy, when he was alive. But that disease ate him up, turned him into a shriveled, tiny man that looked twice his age. THAT is what I remember. Because of some stupid drugs 20 YEARS ago.

KelleyF

This subject is one that I have the most difficulty with because it terrifies me.
To date, I am so thankful that BF has had all negative tests.
Its been a year since he stopped shooting coke, but he has had so many tests; and each time it made me a nervous wreck waiting for the results.
He went through the standard ones antibody tests and was negative for HepC and HIV and all the others; but then further out he went through other test that are more in depth like PCR/DNA; just to be sure.... and then after all that ...when he had his one night relapse involving another woman; he cant remember, doesnt know the details.... so he has to do the tests sequence again. Idiot.