witharealwinner

I feel like I can't think straight. He was drinking last night when I got back from picking my girls up from my mom's. Got increasingly nasty as the evening wore on. He threw two pencils that were left in the living room, they hit my two oldest girls. He yelled in my oldest daughter's ear. Went on and on about my mom, the girls are crying, I pick up my cell and call 911. He proceeds to take the phone out of my hand and hangs up.

The police show up and he turns to Mr. Nice Guy. Rambling on and on. Cop can see he's drunk. The one talks to me in a spare room (and I am later accused of having sex with said cop) and says that one of us has to leave since they cannot arrest him. I was prepared to go to the shelter but could not go because he said I cannot leave with his babies. There is nothing the cops can do. So I stay because I am NOT leaving any child of mine behind.

Later on during the night he proceeds to axe a few spots in my chicken coop I bought. My laptop screen is cracked and it won't work - which isn't his fault. Of course.

I think I got three hours of sleep last night. Of course he ranted at me, saying he is going to make phone calls to people. Said if his babies get hurt while under my care he will call the police on me.


He is still sleeping and I am sitting here with my twin babies my other girls are at school. I want to leavd and get a pfa bbut I am terrified. I do not know what to do.

witharealwinner

I have to post again cause I am on my nook. I am thinking of taking the babies out and calling the shelter while out.

I am scared he will wake up while I am putting the babies in their sests. I don't want to be around him.

I really feel like my brain is fried. I feel shocked and numb. I got to get past this.

naive

add 911 to your speed dial.

trust your instincts.

you are allowed to leave your house! perhaps leave a message for him, saying you are out doing a bit of shopping.

Taking5

Call the cops again. That was a lousy cop. Your H has committed acts of vandalism. Get him arrested if you can. If not for vandalism, ask if they can arrest him for public intoxication. Yes, you can get arrested for PI even in your own home if you are a danger to yourself or to the public.

If that doesn't work, tell the cops you want to go to a shelter and take your children and you are afraid to load the car without a police presence. Get out and move on.

Good luck.

suki44883

Can you and the kids stay with your mom for a while until you can make other arrangements? If not, can she or other family members come over while you get the twins in the car and get out? You are in danger and need to get out of there as soon as possible. Please call a shelter and let them help you get away from this fiend.

wanttobehealthy

How those cops responded is why women are hesistant to call 911. They come, arrest no one, and there was more hell to pay on your part bc you called them and nothing was done to protect you...

Call again, as another poster said and write down everything you told us here. Ask for help filing a R.O. State that you are scared, your kids are scared and he has destroyed your property.

In the future, if he is not offering to leave when the cops are there, then get your things (including ALL your kids-- he has no right to say you can not take them) and leave WITH the cops there.

If he is still sleeping, I'd grab a few necessities, all the kids and leave and not plan to return without a restraining order.

Go to your local court house and ask to speak to a D.V. advocate. State that you are scared and can't go home. There IS help available.

blwninthewind

Put your babies in the car...and RUN.

Go to the shelter....tell them that you need help with dealing w/ the police because you called and they did nothing even though he was terrorizing your family throwing things AT the children AND hacking things with an axe.

Go now.
Do not wait for him to wake...just GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

Willybluedog

Refusing to let you leave is kidnapping in some states, please get out of there before something happens, can you confide in a neighbor who can keep a lookout for trouble at your house, call DFS on him about throwing the pencils and screaming at your kids, they can help you with the police.

Please come back and let us know how you are doing.

I will pray for you and your children.

Big hugs,

Bill

flower43

Witharealwinner,

Call your local bar association and ask for a pro bono attorney in their domestic relations division. You need someone to advise you about your legal rights in the state you live in. Many good firms require lawyers to donate time to clients in situations such as yours. They may be able to advise you about some options you have that those stupid officers have no idea about.

Good luck.

Florence

You did the right thing by trying to protect yourself and your children! Understand that this man's power lies in threats.

There is no way in hell this guy could ever get custody of these children, not in the state he's in. Do not take these verbal threats seriously. He's like a rooster strutting around the yard trying to get you to see how big and powerful he is.

But take his physical threats seriously. TAKE THEM SERIOUSLY. Swinging an axe around while angry and drunk? TAKE THAT **** SERIOUSLY. You don't have to do anything today, but soon.

I wholeheartedly endorse WTBH's advice above from 10:15 AM down to the punctuation.

daddyshelper

I am so sorry you have to go through this. I, too, am struggling with the environment I have subjected both myself and my child to. I understand that I promised my husband "for better or worse," but I also understand that he is an adult and needs to take care of himself. My baby cannot fend for herself, and she will learn strength from me. She will marry a man who is just like the men she grew up around. What she sees now is what she will look for when she is an adult. I will not tell you what you need to do, but I know that if my husband EVER hurt my daughter, intentional or not, all bets are off, and I will do ANYTHING to keep her safe. Also, if you cannot keep yourself safe, you cannot keep your babies safe. Please be well, and find your strength. Women are so powerful, we just forget this sometimes.

wanttobehealthy

I can't recall if I said this earlier... I have been in your shoes and was paralyzed and afraid to anger him more by acting, I was afraid of being judged since I didn't have any "proof" of his harming me.... I talked myself out of doing anything many many many times.

I wish I hadn't. I can't get back the days, hours, months that my kids spent watching me cry, seeing me angry, irritable and on edge bc I was wrapped in in AH to such a degree that I let it impact my parenting. At the time I told myself it wasn't hurting the girls and that I was still being a great mom. Both were lies. I wasn't lying on purpose to myself-- I was in that much denial.

I hope you are not reading this and instead are in your car with your kids somewhere safe.

Please tell the voice in your head that might be saying "it's not that bad, he isn't really violent- he just got mad, no one will take me seriously" etc.... to shut the heck up and listen to the voice you know is true-- the voice that told you to post this here bc you know that what happened is wrong and you are right to be scared...

xo

lillamy

Thinking about you and hoping you found a way to leave. And I second WTBH on this:
Infuriating. You and your children have the right to be protected. They should have helped you with that.

Shining~Again

I've run out in the snow in bare feet and walked 6 miles uphill to my moms after luckily finding a pair of sneakers outside.
I've also been a dumbass who put myself between raging SO and a cop when he was going for his gun since SO was out of control.

best thing I ever did? Women's shelter. There's safety in numbers, they've seen it all and know how to respond and most of all, I finally felt safe.

I understand the fear of something happening when you have the babies and kids. It's terrifying and keeps you from leaving. Been there. It was when I did not have my DD with me that I got out. Always make sure to get them out first.

If you have to sit and play the game till you can safely get out, do that.
Nodding my head, saying all the right things (lies), till able to leave without raising
suspicions, are the only reason I'm alive today.
Praying for you xx

witharealwinner

Went out and met with the legal advocate from the shelter. She said that I would have a weak case for a pfa. I am beginning to think the state I live in is some kind of twilight zone. She did give me her direct number and told me to call with any questions.

You pretty much need to be hit it seems like. Messed up.

My jerk bf is very remorseful and sorry. I told him he needs to take time away from the kids and me and drive the two hours back home and decide what it is he wants to do.

I told him I will find someway to buy him out of this house since that is his main concern.

I told her everything I wrote here. Oh and she did say the cop was wrong. She also said our state police are like a good ol boys club.

Taking5

Get a copy of the statute that the advocate says the cop messed up on and carry it around with you. Show it to the cop next time - hopefully there is no next time but be prepared.

Anyone else besides state cops that can handle this?

Also can you tell us what state this is? Not asking for your city or anything.

wanttobehealthy

Sadly I don't think it's your state. It's the system. A system that is more concerned w criminals rights than possible victims. A system that is reactionary vs proactive. I had a hell of a time getting a RO against AH & was able to (though I expext it will be denied wheb i ask on fri to have it extended) bc I had a witness & a recording of him ranting at me.

I'm really sorry although not surprised at the reaction from the advocate. The system sucks & it's the innocent who suffer.

witharealwinner

I am in PA. And our little town relies on the state police. We have no police force of our own.

It is the system that is screwed up. I have seen our lovely family court system in action already. They say they want what is in childrens' best interests but their actions prove otherwise.

I will see about that statute so if there is a next time I have something for backup.

Hopefully he will take a nice long trip back home real soon. Maybe he will decide to stay..doubt it though. Says he wants to be around full time to watch his babies grow up. Yeah that's why you sleep half the day every day. Loser.

witharealwinner

I could not understand that logic last night. I even asked the cop. Told him it made no sense. Leave eighteen month old twins with a drunk at night after a fight, but any other time I would have CYS all over me.

No sense at all. I would never leave without every last one of my kids.

blwninthewind

Is he gone?

If he is...don't waste time... let him have that house... you can get another...you can't replace a child!!!
run for your babies lives because if he kills you ....who will be raising them?

What if he kills one of them by 'accident' while in a drunken rage swinging around an axe?

Go to the shelter.... just go.... obviously the cops are no help so you have to save yourself...and your babies.