therush

So begins my story I've been a user for years of prescription pain killers an finnally found out the hard way what they can Do to your "life". I'm now clean hasn't been long but one day at a time like they say right? Anyway I'm hoping someone can shed some light into my life right now. Lemme back track to 5 months ago I had met my girlfriend we both used and immediately were with each other after the first day we hung out things were good besides the drugs. I've had many other relationships were we both used an that's what we had in common an was lead to think I had something worth while but with this new girl it was different just want to stress that it wasn't drugs that brought us together. We both had good jobs did what we had to do but were having to much fun on the side. Then her job wasn't doing to well an the struggle came never affected our relationship but money problems are never good problems. Through out all this she never once broke her composer an was very good to me. But there was an underlying problem going that no one could see she was stealing from my family to support our lives on her side which is this terrible problem I have. After this was uncovered some more lies were uncovered mostly about her family which I found out she had done the same thing to them which is why she had issues at home which is why I initially took her into my house but I didn't know the true reason why things were bad there. I've always held my self together an never let drugs affect my life in this kind of way so it was really hard to understand this but it a cycle in my life my father an brother were also addicts an have done very similar things so it's nothing I haven't seen jus never seen it in my head before. She's in rehab now I've got my family to drop the charges I'm not mad at her for what she did jus very disappointed I know how good of a person she can be I was there the whole time an if it wasn't for this I was going to marry her. I love an care about this girl so much an cant even talk to her. I just don't know where to go from here I've cleand myself up on my own but have such torn feelings about getting close with her again because my trust was so broken. I guess my point of this is to get some assurance that her being away she can fix her self an that being in rehab is going to help her an with time an support she's going to be ok can someone shed some light for me?

kmangel

You yourself are only just beginning the process of getting and staying clean. Congratulations for taking the steps necessary to begin this very difficult journey. Keep it up!

You have enough on your plate IMO. Work on yourself as five months is not very long. Your girlfriend may or may not work to get and stay clean. Everybody on this forum will tell you how we are all waiting on our loved ones to "see the light" and do the work it takes to get and stay clean and sober. When my son got out of rehab, I was so hopeful that he had seen the light and wanted to do what was right. He sure sounded like he wanted to make a change before he went to rehab. He has relapsed two times in seven months and I've concluded he has not yet reached the place where he really wants to do the work recovery requires. He has all kinds of reasons why his way is better than what he was taught in rehab. As much as his father and I disagree, he only listens to what he tells himself. Let your girlfriend fight this battle herself--you can't do it for her. You have your own battles to fight. Perhaps if you put everything you can muster up to fight your own addiction you will inspire her to fight her addiction--but make sure you fight your battles for yourself, not her. This is something you must want for yourself more than for anyone else in the world.

KuanYin

Oh, my heart goes out to you. Then her job wasn't doing to well an the struggle came never affected our relationship but money problems are never good problems. Through out all this she never once broke her composer an was very good to me. This says to me that's she's a very good actress.

Until individuals suffer the consequences for their actions (like facing charges), they have no reason to change themselves or their behavior. As long as they have people like us running interference for them, softening the blows, getting folks they've harmed to drop the charges, why should they stop manipulating us? We have to work on ourselves. That is what I have been learning, and continue to learn from this site.