probably shouldn't
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 559
probably shouldn't
I haven't posted for awhile. My son and I are doing really well. My XAH has continued to prove himself an addict. I found out recently that the woman he left me for is 13 years older than him, and has 3 pages of an police record. She is also on mugshots.com. Then, I found out the lawyer he got for child support quit him after 2 weeks. And, he continues to cancel on visitations. But, I have accepted it all and have felt less anxious. The sticky about fight or flight REALLY hit home. I have allowed myself to feel safe and this weekend I felt happy. Something I haven't really felt in awhile. So, life is good. I have a lot to look forward to.
What bothers me is the pain he has caused my son...who is 3. He has pretty much abandonded us. And this weekend my son for the first time has shown thru actions/words that he misses his father. Usually he never talks about him. This breaks my heart. I'm pretty much in no contact with my x. We communicate via email and text on visitation days..very business professional. My aunt always says I need to be the deaf mute girl.
anyways, I want to send him an email suggesting that he go live with his mother and get out of town and get help...yadda yadda yadda. I know this is enabling, but I feel like it is one last ditch effort for my son. I just don't want anymore anger from him or to stir the pot. Is it pointless? I always feel like maybe this will be the one time he says yes and gets help, and if I never asked he wouldn't have an out. This is coming from the same woman who romantically thinks that one day he will show up on my door step saying "can you help me"
And of course, he doesn't have a problem.
So, I've probably answered my own question. Leave him alone and give it up. Its really hard to let go. I just want the best for my son. He doesn't deserve this. But, I guess with my son I have to take it day by day, and try to give him what he needs.
What bothers me is the pain he has caused my son...who is 3. He has pretty much abandonded us. And this weekend my son for the first time has shown thru actions/words that he misses his father. Usually he never talks about him. This breaks my heart. I'm pretty much in no contact with my x. We communicate via email and text on visitation days..very business professional. My aunt always says I need to be the deaf mute girl.
anyways, I want to send him an email suggesting that he go live with his mother and get out of town and get help...yadda yadda yadda. I know this is enabling, but I feel like it is one last ditch effort for my son. I just don't want anymore anger from him or to stir the pot. Is it pointless? I always feel like maybe this will be the one time he says yes and gets help, and if I never asked he wouldn't have an out. This is coming from the same woman who romantically thinks that one day he will show up on my door step saying "can you help me"And of course, he doesn't have a problem.
So, I've probably answered my own question. Leave him alone and give it up. Its really hard to let go. I just want the best for my son. He doesn't deserve this. But, I guess with my son I have to take it day by day, and try to give him what he needs.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 559
Yes. You are so right. And her husband is sick too. I think it always sounds easier and then this forum always just breaks it down to reality. I think I just need to help my son as best as I can, and focus on that. Not on what a deadbeat my x is. Thanks. This forum has saved my life!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 159
Story - it is good to hear from you that you are doing well in your strength. Good for you - keep us posted!
cynicalone - I always appreciate your candor.
You both were so helpful to me when I was going through my own chaos last year!!!!
cynicalone - I always appreciate your candor.
You both were so helpful to me when I was going through my own chaos last year!!!!
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