Wing

An hour ago I felt weak and started to him that shxxtty person and right now, after thinking about what the sxxt he has done to me, I'm filled with anger! So angry!!! Is it good or bad?

I'll meet the psychiatrist tomorrow. My first time.
Do I have to draft what I have to tell him or let him lead me? My friend told me to do the latter.

nicam

Hi,

Anger can be a good thing! It means you have broken through the denial, which is what keeps us tied to these unhealthy relationships, keeps us believing and hoping things will work out despite it all.

You SHOULD feel angry for what he did to you, it's a normal reaction. I'd be worried if you did NOT feel anger.

Long after being separated from XABF I feel this intense anger, it's scary, but my ex also abused me and actually tried to kill me a few times so I'm sure the quantity of anger one feels in the aftermath is directly correlated to the severity of the situation.

This anger was a sign that I had finally accepted how WRONG the things he did to me actually were. I needed this to truly move on from the fantasy that I could have a healthy relationship with this person.

Just try and release the anger in healthy ways. Don't do what I did and lash out at him, contact all the people in his life to expose him as the abuser he is, try and get him fired, plot revenge, etc., lol. You'll just end up looking like the crazy one.

It's always good to document things in writing, but just talk to your shrink/therapist if it's easier than writing it all down. Do what's best for YOU!

Willybluedog

For my new therapist I wrote a complete timeline from childhood to adulthood, family history, major incidents, family dynamics, bad marriage, etc.

My therapist said she found it very helpful as a starting point, it saved us a tremendous amount of time, and she had key incidents that she could tease out more information from.

It also helped me to get it all out of me, I felt cleaner somehow, so I would reccommend it.

Wing

Just try and release the anger in healthy ways. Don't do what I did and lash out at him, contact all the people in his life to expose him as the abuser he is, try and get him fired, plot revenge, etc., lol. You'll just end up looking like the crazy one.

Thx nicam,
But I have already done those u have done last month. And yes, just end up I'm worried if I'm getting crazy! That's why I'm looking for therapy. I hate what he has done to me which drove me crazy

LifeRecovery

I too found that anger was a stage for me, one that helped me to move forward.

Sometimes I go into my therapy appointment with lists, sometimes not. The first time is often a time to get to meet each other. It might be something you can ask the therapist if it would be helpful.

On the other hand I like as posted above have found writing stuff down (and sometimes making a picture history of my story) very helpful and worthwhile.

Wing

Thanks so much. I actually like writing. I had even written him a letter when i first requested fir a break between us. But now I'm just a bit afraid of plotting the history of this disaster.
Anyway, friends. My first meeting with the psychiatrist will be in 2 hours. (I'm in Asia) I'm a bit nervous now

jackthedog

Which does everyone think is better? psychiatrist or a counselor?

nicam

I just laughed so hard reading this. At least you're not alone, and it may not seem like it now, but one day we will both be able to laugh about the crazy things we did while under the spell of an A.

These relationships DO make us crazy, I know. It scares me too. I don't know the extent of the abuse you suffered at his hand, but I do know that this is NOT YOUR FAULT. You are NOT crazy. You may have had prior issues that made you vulnerable to this man and his actions, and you may be ACTING crazy right now, but you have been through a trauma that has compromised your sanity.

It's great you are seeking help. You should also surround yourself with positive people in your life as much as possible. If you have a good friend who knows the situation you're in lean on her! Talk, talk, talk. I know how humiliating it can be to admit you put up with such abuse, and a lot of people may judge you for it, but those people are ignorant. Remember, you don't need validation from anyone outside of your circle. You know what happened to you, you don't have to remain silent and suffer alone.

jackthedog, I went to a counselor first. The counselor suggested I see a psychiatrist to treat my PTSD with medication. I think counseling is best at first, and if the counselor and you decide there's a chemical imbalance, then you can see a psychiatrist and treat it accordingly.

Wing

Omg!!! Just done. Psychiatrist is a wrong approach! Or I'm just unlucky to get a really crappy one. Since my exABF is not local, he mentioned twice 'ahhh, so u like foreigner?'... I said 'no, it just happened... Do u have bias, doctor??!' And he asked about my dating history, knew that I had a French bf before. He said 'becoz u think French is romantic?!' oh Jesus!!! I said 'come on, don't stereotype things!'

I thought it's a waste of time! I don't find him intelligent

Wing

And Nicam,
I actually also laughed when I read that u did the same thing. I thought it's just me!!! Ha, we are not alone...
Anyway, its all over now. We will have a brighter future without the A, Coz it can't be worse, it will only be better.

canuckch

Why did you get an appointment with a psychiatrist? Why not talk to a counselor or psychologist first? I would recommend finding somebody that specializes in addiction. It will make a big difference. I have a therapist now that I very much like. But like you I walked out of psychologist offices thinking "what a waste of time and money"!

Good luck