Bob36

Hi all- Im looking for practical advice on formulating my sobriety plan.

Im in my 40s, have been using A and MJ for 25 or so years and have tried to quit MJ with limited success a few times. In the past year I became addicted to coke and the side effects as well as financial and life changes really freaked me out. Sober for 7 days- wait, 8 days now. (whew)

Here is my prelim plan.

There is an NA meeting equidistant between the place I party and the place I buy- poetic. I plan on making a meeting at least 2-4 days a week if possible.

Gym- before coke I was pretty devoted to the gym- and always used it to moderate other drug use. Coke killed that. so getting back into that will be key.

Finance- Just gave wife all my money- that was a no brainer. Fortunately I never stole to use- but did go broke and overdraw and mess up my finances a good bit- so haven't broken that trust with her.

The problems are:
1)Im in entertainment, and the people who work for me are the friends I would be cutting off. I can do things to minimize contact- but if I break contact Im sunk financially. I need to figure this out. No one will give me **** and there are several completely clean people I work with. but the key people I need to hire are also my main triggers for use. Im in a bind.

2) Im not making alcohol or marijuana a priority now- my alcohol use has been a steady 2-3 beers a day for several years with two benders a month related to gigs only. I was concerned about it so logged my drinking and used the gym to moderate both of those drugs- it works for me because I get focused on numerical progress (weights speed- whatever- something to get obsessed on and up the seratonin levels). As a result of this,weed use has actually gone down- I understand that this isn't the best approach to getting sober and perhaps they are next on my list- being longer term habits may make that more difficult but I am focused on getting some sober time behind me with coke- insights on this much appreciated.
Additionally, 2 years ago I was surprised that I simply lost the desire to mix pot with performance- so I feel like the boredom with weed has been relegating that to the background- insight?

This forum will be key for me as well. Ive looked at it several times before deciding to embark on this - and this will be a partial method of accountability.

I have a supportive partner- who, once the initial shock of discovering I have been strung out for a year wore off is now reading furiously about what she can do. She doesn't use at all and has been tolerant of pot/alchohol for years.

Thanks for the wisdom. Honesty with myself as well as others has been an issue. I am working on this.

sugarbear1

Go to NA and get a sponsor and work the steps fearlessly and thoroughly, things may change.

The sun rising was my trigger at the end. Only 1 person seems to trigger something--an old party buddy who recently moved back to my area and I find that since he's closer, I'm having a hard time seeing him, so we've stuck to the telephone, for now. He's supportive of my decision, it's ME that is having the problem. Your 3 substances were mine, too. I stick with AA because it's always been my "go to" drug of choice. You could go to AA and just think "your usage" whenever alcohol is spoken of. Alcoholism can be masked by drug usage.

You've made a great decision!!

You can stay stopped for you and your health, if anything.

foodie1

Welcome Bob, and well done on seeking this out. Go to meetings and get a sponsor, form new habits, pick up the phone every day. That last one's a killer, calling somebody in recovery every day for advice, perspective, a little good-old-fashioned b*tching, and positive words to end by seems like it would be easy.
If you can't cut people out of your life, maybe there's a way to slowly change your relationship with them? I don't know, it's a thought, not sure if it would work.
Wishing you all the best!!

Bob36

Went to my meeting today- was in AA at first- then looked behind me and saw NA- involuntarily thought- "haha- these are my people" I found something inspiring in every single comment. But I have to say, when people 5 years in are still struggling its kind of discouraging. Still- thank you all. I can't believe I will have to fight this the rest of my life- and find it curious that now, though my goal was just to quit coke and not alcohol or weed- that seems to be possible as well. I had 2 beers tonight then thought- why not try?
I respect the humility and frankness of people who deal with this. you are all amazing to me and I look forward to finding someone to sponsor me.. I didn't speak, and probably wont tomorrow- but I found the people to be amazing- even though they didn't find themselves to be that way. Such courage to fight something - I wanted to hug all of them. I just left- realizing they had faced things Im barely aware of and feeling really ******* humble. excited to go to tomorrows meeting.

Sapling

I'd recommend you do try Bob...Give up one and keep the other...You'll be bobbing back and forth...I gave up alcohol but weed had to go with it. Glad you liked the meeting...Amazing people is right...Get a sponsor...No reason not to go to NA and AA meetings...I have a bunch in my homegroup that do that. Best of luck to you.

Sapling

By the way...The people that are 5 years in still struggling...Those aren't the ones you want to learn from.

Dee74

Welcome Bob

I used to be in entertainment too - I was a musician and I know how hard it is to avoid drinking and other stuff.

I kept putting off doing something about it for years cos playing was my life - but in the end I screwed up too many gigs or too many session dates and I lost my career anyway.

I'm glad to see you're thinking about going off everything

In my experience everything was connected anyway....you're smart to look at everything now - there were successful and happy sober musicians I could have looked to, but I chose not to - don't be the jerk I was

D

StPeteGrad

Once again, Sapling beats me to the punch.

So true. I'd hate to have believed in early sobriety those miserable dry drunks were the best it could get.

There are many who have rich, full lives. Look around for those people.

Bob36

I confess I was surprised at that. But maybe Im overstating it a bit- or maybe its the group. Im still just listening and trying to figure it out.
if in 5 years I am off of coke- I can't imagine being tempted by it. my guts nose and chest are aching from that garbage. Ive never known evil like this-

Bob36

Thanks DEE- your words are scary true- we recorded our last show for the cd- my singing was awful - the coke had dripped down my throat and I just sounded like a fading old guy. Im not a great singer to begin with- but that was key to stopping weed before shows- my voice would just belt after two days off pot. I have family coming to the show tomorrow- they know Im trying to do the show completely dry. If I just have to have a beer last set Im not going cry over it- but the mindset going in will be water only- and Ive announced it to everyone who would care- so hopefully that will give me strength. Thanks for chiming in- half my band is completely sober- or has one or two drinks over the course of the night- lucky that way. I just have a few key players that will be tweaking and smoking so Im separating from them and sticking close with my wife. How did you lose your career? I mean- once you went clean you somehow had to move on? Or life changed in other ways? What genre?

artsoul

Hi Bob and welcome!

Congratulations on your 8 days! - I think it's great that you've already identified several ways to help you maintain recovery. I found that I had to keep my recovery front and center during those first weeks - I spent a lot of time here, holding onto the hope that if others could do it, I could too.

I also had to limit my exposure to people and places (associated with alcohol) for a while, but it really does get better/easier over time.

It's a process in every sense of the word, so you'll find what works for you as you go along. Glad you've joined us!

Dee74

I played everything from Top 40 covers to classic rock to original music, blues & jingles over 30 years Bob

Although I did go back and play for a while about a year after I got sober, my health isn't what it was (partially alcohol related) and the late nights lugging in and lugging out, standing on my feet for hours is just not something I can do anymore.

But deeper than that I felt I'd moved on - I still love to play, and music is still fundamental to me, but my priorities are different now and so am I.

When I get right down to it, I find bars depressing places to be these days.

D

Sapling

Not overstating it all....Some people come in and work the program and get better and some people come in and grease their ass and stare at the clock...I see it all the time....Take your pick Bob.

Bob36

I did it.- didn't buy coke and didn't accept when offered. relief. another day. thanks for the encouragement. keeping on. not out of the woods- but down the tree..

Sapling

Good to hear it....Keep it up...You get squirrely...Go to a meeting.

Bob36

Thanks Sapling- Ive been to a meeting every day this week. Ill be missing Sat/Sun and Weds.
It occurs to me- after all the meetings, Im not sure when or how to pick a sponsor- or what the book is Im supposed to get- I always have to split from meetings early to pick up my kid so don't have a chance to approach anyone. Im looking at the steps posted on the wall and just listening and enjoying the insights. My next "super temptation" day will be Sunday morning- haven't played that gig off of coke yet and I wont have the benefit of a meeting before hand. But I am so pumped from last night. I haven't had so much as a craving today- and thinking I might as well quit everything.

Sapling

I would Bob...All or nothing...NA has it's own book...Maybe you can show up early to a meeting and see if you can connect with someone..Say you're looking for a sponsor and need a book....Shop around Bob...Get someone that looks happy and clean for awhile...Hang in there and congrats on your acheivment..

Bob36

Day 2 ... (used Sat night- so back to square one, or 2 as it were)
Missed a meeting- went to gym and work instead and just wanted to come home.
Starting on good routine was helpful- got big book at last meeting and will read some. Worked all day and some of the night. Really wanted to go to a meeting- no cravings. They are enjoyable. Found at least 2 I like. Keep finding bits of damn coke on the floor- vacuumed it all up (in a machine, not my nose) Came home and, usually smoke as I do the laundry and the kids are in bed. Got a minor craving as I realized I was cutting out that aspect of my ritual.Probably. with throw the paraphernalia out tomorrow. I don't want to look at it. Meeting tomorrow. need to find one a little closer. Going to read and crash. very easy day to be sober.

macknacat

for many years i went to NA meetings in a high end resort town. I have seen some of the most famous musicians, athletes, actors in the world come into those meetings. Many of them with a lot of years clean.

So,if you can stay with it, you might be surprised how many folk in your profession have gotten clean... ask about some of the NA 'house bands' at world or national conventions...

And yeah, i believe i need to abstain from ALL drugs in order to recover

Bob36

Thanks Macknacat - Half my band are total non users- or one glass of wine type people. Ive actually lost gigs in the past because the bars complain that lots of our people want to dance- and drink water.

So I know. Interestingly enough- Its being AWAY from music that makes me want to use.
I can't deal with the non musical world.. I have a feeling Ill be replacing high time with productive time in no time

nice joseph Campbell quote btw. thinking on that one.