kcchiefs

Told myself I was gonna stop drinking.

Just came off a 3 day bender. Finished two 1.75 liter vodka bottles by myself. I feel like crap. Feel like I just got beat up. Why do I keep doing this to myself? I know I'm going to hate myself after.....

jocata

I had to be completely ready to change. I had to believe in my innermost being that this disease was going to take everything from me including my life. I had to get so sick of feeling and acting the way I did, that I wanted to change. I had hit my spiritual, physical, and emotional bottom.

I pray for your desparation.

God bless.

flutter

Well, the simple answer is.. because you're probably an alcoholic. I agree w/ Jocata's post, until the fear of recovery was less than the fear of continuing what I was doing, I couldn't commit to change.

Dee74

Hi Kcchiefs

I think a better question, and a better use of the energy you have, is - what are you prepared to do now so that this doesn't happen again?

D

2granddaughters

A.A. would be able to help you stop drinking.
Wishing you the best.

Bob

Inca

Yeah, know the feeling. I don't know what the answer is anymore but I like what was noted before. Fear of recovery must be less than fear of how we are living today.

1undone

This is discussed in the Big Book of AA. It is online free - disregard if you already know.

This is what mental and physical additction does. This addiction wants you dead and will trick you into thinking you can control your drinking the minute you feel better. As another said above, I pray you feel incredible desperation so you will be willing to go to any length to abstain. It can be done.

Hevyn

It's good you're asking this question, kcchiefs. It sounds like the party is over for you. I spent many years trying to control the amounts that I drank. I was always seeking that elusive euphoria I used to feel. I couldn't admit it was never coming back - that I had crossed the line. Still I continued to cling to it - until I almost lost my life.

You don't have to go down that road. You can avoid all the chaos & drama. You know it's time to stop because it's making you miserable. Give it another try - you can do this.

Anna

The frustration I felt with myself was enormous and I needed that level of emotion to make me know that I had to change. I hope you are ready to change.

Missy7

I read you post because I ask myself that question a lot. Why do I do this? I think one reason is that I'm afraid to find out who I am if I'm really truly present.

But if both of us have the same question, there's probably something to it. Right? So, I guess I won't be eating Comet. It would make me sick. I guess I won't be drinking alcohol for the same reason. Right?

neferkamichael

Well, I was thinking the same thing that flutter wrote, maybe you are a alcoholic, but you need to decide that.