My experience with codeine so far.. looking for some advice *long*
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Join Date: Feb 2012
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My experience with codeine so far.. looking for some advice *long*
Hey everyone, I stumbled onto this forum using google while looking up codeine addiction and withdrawals, and I figured I'd share my story of how I got to where I am now and what exactly is happening now hopefully to get some insight or advice.. I'll do my best to condense this without leaving out too many details, but feel free to ask questions later if you like.
Among codeine which I have kept secret from everyone, I have some problems with marijuana and smoking cigarettes. Funny enough, a month or two ago I developed this really bad skin rash, I thought to myself "well I finally killed my liver and my body is reacting", turns out that wasn't the case, but it was enough to cause me to stop everything cold turkey, it gave me the determination to finally do it anyway. First I stopped smoking marijuana for a week, I barely slept, maybe ten hours total, and I gradually tried to reduce my codeine intake, to the point where I was just taking some and getting "normal" rather than high (note: staving off the headaches and extreme nausea, its funny how popping a bunch of pills on an empty stomach which should itself cause nausea can relieve it). I also quit cigarettes after the first week without marijuana, and used the nicotine gum to get me through the first few days, but after the third I was actually alright, I didnt feel the need to chew the gum and I didnt have any incredible cravings like I did the second night after dinner. I went nine days without a smoke, three weeks without any marijuana and I made it through a week clean with no codeine. It was terrible, and it ruined my sleeping patterns even more so than they already were, essentially causing missed days at work, depression and then the desire to have a smoke.. and then I decided one night to do some more codeine and because of my recent abstinence, well, you know, it was wonderful and I was back on the train to oblivion faster than you can pronounce it, even after an entire two weeks of reflecting on the worst **** I've ever put myself through. That was at the beginning of the year, and since then I've been up and down, sometimes four hundred mg a day, sometimes less.. until I realized I can't win this alone.
For some back story my adventure with codeine I guess begins as a late teenager, but it was always something I did once in a blue moon and I knew the problems that could arise and was "on top of them" I liked the drug, but would rarely ever do it. Fast forward a few years, a few failed years of highschool and one of saving up to move out, I moved out on my own and started working full time. I guess somewhere along the lines the new life long drudgery of eat sleep work, be dead tired at home and have no real time to do anything during the week just got to me.. Its hard accepting the adult life, you don't get to see your friends every day, there are bills to pay, can't just go wildly spending your money.. I tried some codeine again and found I would just zone out playing guitar feeling good. I would get home and immediately begin working for a cold water extraction.. I started at maybe 100mg, it would take an hour to filter and I knew I wouldnt be able to sleep for five or so hours so I made sure I did it right away so I could sort of get a decent sleep. This wasnt something I did every day, I would sometimes do it two or three days in a row but with the sharp dosage increase to still get high I knew when to cut it out.. things started getting worse with my sleeping but I was still pretty much fully in control. I should have known the signs were there, I see them blatently now, but its hard to realize things some times in the present for what they are, being a young invincible man.
Fast forward a few months, and ive been using the codeine steadily now a few times a week. This is where it starts getting bad, I start getting headaches and nausea, and I begin just popping the tylenol1's ive been extracting the codeine from, apap and all. I would pop maybe six in the morning (it varied on my mood/feelings) and then maybe later do a full dose once I got home.. I felt a different rush just popping them, perhaps the insane amounts of caffieine or the apap adding to the effect. At this point I really started noticing it being an issue, and kept telling myself I would handle it. I would try to stop and some minor withdrawal symptoms would occur, so i would decide to taper it down. but that didnt really work.. basically it was just an up down rollercoaster of doing a shitload one week getting high as hell, and the next trying to just maintain and stave off the headaches and what not. At this point I began considering getting some help, but still no one knew about this issue, I kept it to myself because I "knew" I could handle it.
A few months later I got in a motorcycle accident and I got a nice large prescription of T3's and T4s.. at this point I had been maybe doing on average 100mg a day, so about three T3 or T4s a day roughly. Well, I think my first dose I took six in one day.. they quickly ran out, and my tolerance quikcly skyrocketed to the point where I couldn't even get high off of ten or so popped at once. I guess thankfully I never moved on to the harder opioids.. So I began extracting and using the T1s more and more and more and trying to taper off and stop and failing and binging and just going back and forth trying to handle this, all the while my job life and my life in general was starting to go to ****. I always felt like crap, always had this **** on my mind, always seemed to have a headache or some severe gut pain.. and that takes us up to the point where I decided to halt things at the beginning of the year, where I succeeded for a week and then failed miserably, sending me right back into the terrible cyclic death spiral of doom.
After spending this past week at home because I felt like such ****, was depressed because I had been told not to come into work because I was late, among other things I decided yesterday was the time to finally tell people, my dad, boss and my girlfriend, and get it off my chest and go somewhere to seek some support. I went down to the addiction center methadone clinic and signed up, I'll see a doctor next wednesday. I am attempting to just fight the withdrawals and keep my consumption under 50mg or less if I can until then, and I am managing so far okay. It seems that sometimes the withdrawals are a lot worse than other times, for reasons which arent as apparent and simply the dosages. I told my dad and my boss, and surprisingly they werent mad, and it was actually like a HUGE weight lifted off of my shoulders.. I don't know what the future holds for our relationships, but it at least let them know why my behaviour has been changing in the ways it has.
I'm sure most of you can imagine why you would keep this secret, its embarrassing. It has probably been one of the hardest things I've ever had to do telling people..
So I told my girlfriend of almost three years and it didnt go like I had hoped it to really. Rather than be happy for me, or at least just be supportive because we had talked about me seeing someone for my smoking habits, she pretty much asked how long it had been going on for and then said she thinks we should break up.. I mean, wow. I understand somewhat of her disposition because essentially I was lying to her the whole time, and that can beg questions of just what else I am hiding if I was able to hide this for so long. The fact that even though she knew I have an addictive personality I guess she never thought it was this bad, and she has her own issues with addiction because of her father. So I get her stance somewhat, but I mean, this girl is literally like my back bone, we'd always joke about being married, we fall asleep holding hands after telling each other we love one another, I push her through her hard times in school and offer a refuge to study free from the problems of her home life.. and I don't get any support, nothing.. just a "how long" and "I think we should break up".. I mean Im really actually shocked and kind of angry that someone I put as much faith into as I have could just say such a thing, at a time when I am literally at my worst, my most vulnerable and in the most need of some comfort..
We texted a few times last night and I mentioned these things to her and she just dodged the issue, and even mentioned there were "other things" not just this, which is funny because we just had a WONDERFUL valentines day. Funny how things can change.. I know we will have a talk and work things out most likely, but part of me wonders if I should just because of her reception to my admission of needing help and my problem. Maybe I need the change of pace in my life. I love this woman dearly and we have so many great moments and things we've bonded over and with, and I really cant imagine not being with her.. but really her reaction has stunned me, I guess much as my admission must have stunned her.. Im really not sure how to handle this situation.
Anyway, I feel a lot better, I am not clean yet but I've started the ball in motion and will get there, now that people know and can bug me and such. I don't know if Ill need the methadone or not, but I need the therapy, and the added worry of failing a urine test in my mind, and I want to change.
Among codeine which I have kept secret from everyone, I have some problems with marijuana and smoking cigarettes. Funny enough, a month or two ago I developed this really bad skin rash, I thought to myself "well I finally killed my liver and my body is reacting", turns out that wasn't the case, but it was enough to cause me to stop everything cold turkey, it gave me the determination to finally do it anyway. First I stopped smoking marijuana for a week, I barely slept, maybe ten hours total, and I gradually tried to reduce my codeine intake, to the point where I was just taking some and getting "normal" rather than high (note: staving off the headaches and extreme nausea, its funny how popping a bunch of pills on an empty stomach which should itself cause nausea can relieve it). I also quit cigarettes after the first week without marijuana, and used the nicotine gum to get me through the first few days, but after the third I was actually alright, I didnt feel the need to chew the gum and I didnt have any incredible cravings like I did the second night after dinner. I went nine days without a smoke, three weeks without any marijuana and I made it through a week clean with no codeine. It was terrible, and it ruined my sleeping patterns even more so than they already were, essentially causing missed days at work, depression and then the desire to have a smoke.. and then I decided one night to do some more codeine and because of my recent abstinence, well, you know, it was wonderful and I was back on the train to oblivion faster than you can pronounce it, even after an entire two weeks of reflecting on the worst **** I've ever put myself through. That was at the beginning of the year, and since then I've been up and down, sometimes four hundred mg a day, sometimes less.. until I realized I can't win this alone.
For some back story my adventure with codeine I guess begins as a late teenager, but it was always something I did once in a blue moon and I knew the problems that could arise and was "on top of them" I liked the drug, but would rarely ever do it. Fast forward a few years, a few failed years of highschool and one of saving up to move out, I moved out on my own and started working full time. I guess somewhere along the lines the new life long drudgery of eat sleep work, be dead tired at home and have no real time to do anything during the week just got to me.. Its hard accepting the adult life, you don't get to see your friends every day, there are bills to pay, can't just go wildly spending your money.. I tried some codeine again and found I would just zone out playing guitar feeling good. I would get home and immediately begin working for a cold water extraction.. I started at maybe 100mg, it would take an hour to filter and I knew I wouldnt be able to sleep for five or so hours so I made sure I did it right away so I could sort of get a decent sleep. This wasnt something I did every day, I would sometimes do it two or three days in a row but with the sharp dosage increase to still get high I knew when to cut it out.. things started getting worse with my sleeping but I was still pretty much fully in control. I should have known the signs were there, I see them blatently now, but its hard to realize things some times in the present for what they are, being a young invincible man.
Fast forward a few months, and ive been using the codeine steadily now a few times a week. This is where it starts getting bad, I start getting headaches and nausea, and I begin just popping the tylenol1's ive been extracting the codeine from, apap and all. I would pop maybe six in the morning (it varied on my mood/feelings) and then maybe later do a full dose once I got home.. I felt a different rush just popping them, perhaps the insane amounts of caffieine or the apap adding to the effect. At this point I really started noticing it being an issue, and kept telling myself I would handle it. I would try to stop and some minor withdrawal symptoms would occur, so i would decide to taper it down. but that didnt really work.. basically it was just an up down rollercoaster of doing a shitload one week getting high as hell, and the next trying to just maintain and stave off the headaches and what not. At this point I began considering getting some help, but still no one knew about this issue, I kept it to myself because I "knew" I could handle it.
A few months later I got in a motorcycle accident and I got a nice large prescription of T3's and T4s.. at this point I had been maybe doing on average 100mg a day, so about three T3 or T4s a day roughly. Well, I think my first dose I took six in one day.. they quickly ran out, and my tolerance quikcly skyrocketed to the point where I couldn't even get high off of ten or so popped at once. I guess thankfully I never moved on to the harder opioids.. So I began extracting and using the T1s more and more and more and trying to taper off and stop and failing and binging and just going back and forth trying to handle this, all the while my job life and my life in general was starting to go to ****. I always felt like crap, always had this **** on my mind, always seemed to have a headache or some severe gut pain.. and that takes us up to the point where I decided to halt things at the beginning of the year, where I succeeded for a week and then failed miserably, sending me right back into the terrible cyclic death spiral of doom.
After spending this past week at home because I felt like such ****, was depressed because I had been told not to come into work because I was late, among other things I decided yesterday was the time to finally tell people, my dad, boss and my girlfriend, and get it off my chest and go somewhere to seek some support. I went down to the addiction center methadone clinic and signed up, I'll see a doctor next wednesday. I am attempting to just fight the withdrawals and keep my consumption under 50mg or less if I can until then, and I am managing so far okay. It seems that sometimes the withdrawals are a lot worse than other times, for reasons which arent as apparent and simply the dosages. I told my dad and my boss, and surprisingly they werent mad, and it was actually like a HUGE weight lifted off of my shoulders.. I don't know what the future holds for our relationships, but it at least let them know why my behaviour has been changing in the ways it has.
I'm sure most of you can imagine why you would keep this secret, its embarrassing. It has probably been one of the hardest things I've ever had to do telling people..
So I told my girlfriend of almost three years and it didnt go like I had hoped it to really. Rather than be happy for me, or at least just be supportive because we had talked about me seeing someone for my smoking habits, she pretty much asked how long it had been going on for and then said she thinks we should break up.. I mean, wow. I understand somewhat of her disposition because essentially I was lying to her the whole time, and that can beg questions of just what else I am hiding if I was able to hide this for so long. The fact that even though she knew I have an addictive personality I guess she never thought it was this bad, and she has her own issues with addiction because of her father. So I get her stance somewhat, but I mean, this girl is literally like my back bone, we'd always joke about being married, we fall asleep holding hands after telling each other we love one another, I push her through her hard times in school and offer a refuge to study free from the problems of her home life.. and I don't get any support, nothing.. just a "how long" and "I think we should break up".. I mean Im really actually shocked and kind of angry that someone I put as much faith into as I have could just say such a thing, at a time when I am literally at my worst, my most vulnerable and in the most need of some comfort..
We texted a few times last night and I mentioned these things to her and she just dodged the issue, and even mentioned there were "other things" not just this, which is funny because we just had a WONDERFUL valentines day. Funny how things can change.. I know we will have a talk and work things out most likely, but part of me wonders if I should just because of her reception to my admission of needing help and my problem. Maybe I need the change of pace in my life. I love this woman dearly and we have so many great moments and things we've bonded over and with, and I really cant imagine not being with her.. but really her reaction has stunned me, I guess much as my admission must have stunned her.. Im really not sure how to handle this situation.
Anyway, I feel a lot better, I am not clean yet but I've started the ball in motion and will get there, now that people know and can bug me and such. I don't know if Ill need the methadone or not, but I need the therapy, and the added worry of failing a urine test in my mind, and I want to change.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
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Welcome Snidely 
I'm glad you're seeing a Dr
You'll find a lot of support and encouragement here
We also have a substance abuse forum you may be interested in reading as well:
Substance Abuse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
D
I'm glad you're seeing a Dr
You'll find a lot of support and encouragement here
We also have a substance abuse forum you may be interested in reading as well:
Substance Abuse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
D
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