BobbyJ

It's been over a year now that the xah has been gone
Day after day, people ask if Im dating yet
I just blow off the question and move on

Until now....

I got in a deep discussion last night with one of close girlfriends
and she asked me the question: Why arent you dating yet!?!?!?

My answer's were all over the board
I felt like I was trapped in a corner

I came home, sat and thought about it

Is it because I havent faced my xah since he left me?
Is it because Im figuring out me?
Is it because Im afraid of love?
Am I still in love with him?

The question's I asked myself were actually about 3 pages long...

Why cant I find the answer to this question??

suki44883

Maybe it's just too soon. When you're ready, I think you'll know.

Willybluedog

I think that is such a personal issue, so very individual, after my wife left me I hung back for about six months, then I did a lot of casual dating, I asked lots of women out, just for lunch or a downtown event.

I made it clear that it was absolutely a friendly no pressure, and especially a no sex date. I asked lots and lots of women out, I went on 5 or 6 dates a week just to get used to dating again. I had not been on a date in 15 years so I was just getting used to being out there again.

I think it is a lot harder for women, it's hard to ask a man out, and so many people I met were desperate to get remarried (both men and women, but especially men).

Don't let people push you into something you are not comfortable with, if your not ready, then be very direct with them, you were hurt by your spouse, it takes time to heal, and everyone is different, I was not looking to get married again, not even thinking about it, when this woman just bowls me over, 2nd date and I felt like I knew her all my life, when we left the restaraunt she grabbed me and kissed me and I was struck by lightning, I was "done gone" right then, game over, 15 years later i am still absolutely crazy about her.

You are on your own time-table, do what you want to do, ignore yoru friends and family, listen to your head and your heart.

Big hugs and best of luck,

Bill

laurie6781

Simple answer:

Because you are not ready yet.

You are still working on you. You have a whole list of questions for yourself that you have not answered yet.

When you become TOTALLY comfortable with YOU, then you won't feel like you have to date and you will date again.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

lillamy

People ask the dumbest questions when they care about you!
Does it bother *you* that you're not dating? If not, then don't worry about figuring it out.

feelingalone43

Perhaps you don't yet trust your ability to choose the "right" kind of person to date. I am married to an alcoholic, and if we ever split, I would not want to date for a very long time, if ever. I would always be so wary of falling for someone with a drinking/addiction problem again. If a potential date took even a sip of alcohol, my alarm bells would go berzerk.

Give yourself all the time YOU need.

Tuffgirl

Laurie beat me to it. LOL!

I have to ask you a question in return - why do you NEED to date right now? And that's rhetorical, btw.

What is it about being single and alone that freaks so many people out, ya know? Like its not ok to not be involved or romantically attached or married....jeesh. It's perfectly ok. And enjoy it - because with relationships comes hassles we don't have when we are single.

The grass is no greener on one side or the other.

LaTeeDa

Oh, and if you DO start dating, then the other questions start. Like when are you going to move in, get married, etc. I've been dating the same guy for almost five years. We have separate residences and mostly only see each other on weekends. We travel together on vacation. It's beautiful. But, for some reason, some people think it's not enough. We should be "moving to the next step..." LOL.

Don't worry about what other people think you SHOULD do. Listen to what your spirit WANTS you to do.

L

fourmaggie

Question I ask is Is it really that important? To me..its been 2 years for me, just starting to date, as of tonite...I am content with me...I don't nees a man I realize, but now, I would like one....me and my recovery needs attention rite now, and so do the kids

djayr

I've been legally separated for 3 months and I'm not even close to dating. I think I'm scared of women! I think I have warped ideas that marriage and relationships are a trap, and I just escaped from a trap.

So I have a long way to go.

Everyone is different.