Bgirl291

I have been addicited to opiates since I was 22 and am now 29. I have used oxycodone and oxycontin to self medicate for years. In 2007 I went to an outpatient methadone program where I was seen regularly for four years. I was tapering off the drug after being at a peak dose of 100 mg and truly felt better so I finally came off. I lost my job the month after I quit however and since then my addiction has gone spiraling out of control all over again. Everytime I try to quit I seem to fall into this intense almost suicidal depression and end up going right back to the drug.I am trying so hard to be happy but I feel helpless. My dr put me on zoloft and trazadone and recomended counseling and meetings but I am so depressed I can hardly bring myself out of the house. I want to stay sober but it feels hopeless right now my depression is so overwhelming. Has anyone here gone through this I could really use some advice...

Dee74

Hi Bgirl

I've no experience with an opiate addiction but I hope others here will post to you.
You may also want to check out our substance abuse forum:

Substance Abuse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

welcome to SR
D

SeekSobriety

Hello Bgirl,

Thanks so much for sharing your story with us. It sounds like things are really tough for you right now. I know what it is like to struggle with depression, it is certainly not fun. I have a couple suggestions that helped me, perhaps it will help you too.

For addiction, seeing a board certified Psychiatrist who specialized in addiction medicine really helped. There is certainly a art and science to treating addiction and it does take a specific type of training that most physicians do not obtain from general Medical School and normal rotation.

- No matter what I felt like, when I forced myself to not isolate and went to a meeting or volunteered at a soup kitchen it made me feel better. Eventhough leaving the bed was the last thing I wanted to do, once I did it helped.

- Going for a brisk walk or jog even if just for 1 minute, helped my depression.

- If you have been to or attend 12 step meetings, find a old timer who can be your temporary sponsor (you don't have to make any big commitments, just start as Temporary first, it helped me get over my fear of commitment

-Going to a meeting every day or even more often. It helped me stay out of my own head and understand that I am not alone.

-Volunteering: Just because I was not making money at a regular paying job, I still am valuable and can help and learn by volunteering at a organization I felt passionate about. (Meals on Wheels, Soup Kitchen, Children's Hospital, AIDS outreach, etc.) There are so many organizations desperate for volunteers it almost felt wrong for me to not offer my available time and help make a difference. Even though my mind was telling me to just use and stay in bed or home.

-Taking it one minute at a time. I am not going to use right now. After I kept telling myself that and postponing the craving's eventually I ended up sober for quite a while. Coupled with Meetings, therapy etc. It helped me break free from the bondage of addiction.

-Writing a gratitude list, listing 3 things or more each day that I was grateful for.
Seems silly but it really helps. Each morning I do this I seem to have a little bit better of a day.

-Breathing, Sometimes just taking 5 deep breaths helps me.

-Diet and exercise, eating proper meals and exercising even for just 2 minutes helped me.

-Sleep, getting at least 8 hours of sleep but not too much sleep, made a big difference.
If it is not possible speak with the addiction specialist, they have solutions for severe insomnia.

I struggle with depression each day, some-day's are better then others but I know that I need to continue to do the things that I have listed in order to help me stay sober and get out of my head.

I wish you only the best on your journey. Please keep posting and thanks for letting me share.

Bgirl291

I appreciate your answer. I blew through $700 this week on my drugs and I just ran out today so I am hoping that tomorrow I can start fresh though I am concerned because I don't know how many times I've planned to do that and then I get so anxious and down that I talk myself into using again. I should do the things you said I need to make myself. I try exercizing and eating right and I talk to people about how I feel but it's hard because my best friend is addicted to pain meds and goes to a pain clinic and my boyfriend is my main connection. I know I shouldnt talk to either anymore but it's so hard because they are all I have right now. It gets hard because they both trigger me to use by always talking about drugs around me. It's not entirely their fault because I am weak and give in too easily. I just don't want to keep living like this obsessing over how good I feel when I am high. It has taken priority in my life over everything. I don't like who I am anymore

Dee74

I think finding a good sober support group in pretty important in those kinds of circumstances Bgirl....if you want changes in your life, you have to make changes, you know?

D