lonelystar

Well I havent posted in a while and thought id get some things out , something has been bothering me and i just cant seem to let it go. For an update my AS has decided to detox in a hospital setting this time then from there to a half way house, his own choice he has a friend there and his friend has been encouraging him and so im happy he has chosen to try to fight his addiction and i pray for him, but and this is what i cant get over, I have come to know addiciton , what is it , what is means, and all the ugliness that goes with it once your addicted its a slow long process if ever of recovery sorry to say, but this is what pisses me off, how did you get there?????,,,,, i cant let go of the anger that i have for all the mistakes he made along the way to his addiction, so smart such a know it all it just gets me really really upset , i feel like i have to let this anger go but i dont know how ....

Ilovemysonjj

Hi LS, letting go starts with consciously acknowledging. This is step 1.
I believe in HP and how once I surrender to HP will, I have peace.

I know for me, the regret of what I thought my son threw away also gave me a lot of guilt.

Chino

I let go of that anger when I accepted that I was powerless over my daughter's choices. How she got there was up to her to figure out and resolve, including my enabling. After she found recovery, my enabling caused her a ton of anger. She wanted to know how I got there, too! We both makes amends, one day at a time.

helpme33

I get angry with mine and I really have to stop trying to 'fix' him, even saying to him you are 32 going on 2 and you have to get help is nagging. It doesn't work!

He gets into bad relationships and then the women want to call me boo hooing, wanting me to 'fix' him. I honestly wish I could.

This last relationship was the worse ever and girlie tried to bring our entire family into the hateful drama.

I refuse and I have to keep reminding myself that I and only I have control over my feelings and emotions. Sometimes I have to do this a lot, but it helps

(((blessings)))

sofacat

I get angry at myself for choosing not to see my X for who he REALLY is.

I get angry at myself for not understanding addiction sooner. My addiction.

I get angry at myself for trying to fit a square peg through a round hole for 10 years.

Those are things that I think about that **** me off sometimes. But if I hadn't hit my own bottom...I'd still be blaming his addiction for all my woes.

But that's just me.

hope2be

Hey LonelyStar:

Thanks for posting...it brought some issues up on my anger and helped me put it in perspective.

For me, my anger was the grief/sorrow of losing my adult children to this disease. I was bitter about all they threw away and then I became angry at myself for what I threw away trying to save them to no avail.

Your posting made me look back and see I'm not nearly as angry anymore. I think it comes with acceptance...that simple, yet hard to do. Took me a lot of disabling pain to bring me to acceptance.

Huggs,
Hope

kmangel

I've wondered, too, how anyone as bright as my son could become a heroin addict. He says his addiction all started as a way to stop anxiety. He gets angry with himself, too. "Why did I have to be the one that has this problem?" There is alcoholism in the family (grandfather) so perhaps some of it is genetic.

When my son relapsed just a couple weeks ago that made me angry. Not so much that he fell victim to the pain meds he was prescribed for kidney stones, but how he didn't fess up to his Dad and me right away that he was wanting more than the prescribed dosage. He, like an alcoholic, can't have one--he has to have five. I had no idea he was out buying more medication, conning us into taking him the ER, etc. It took only a week for me to catch on to his antics.

So I sit here and think why didn't he confess what was happening to him? Doesn't he remember rehab from only seven months ago? Does he really want to go down that road again? It makes me angry just thinking about how stupid he was to not ask for help when he knew full well where he was headed.

One thing this relapse did was push me to evaluate my enabling ways and to take a stand. I hope he learned from the experience and will be more honest with himself and others, but it's time for him to figure it all out on his own. He's moving out in a couple weeks. I'm not angry, I'm just realistic now. I can't fix him. I can hurt him though more than he's already hurting by being his safety net.