Alizee

Hi, again...

Some years ago, I became to this forum because I broke up with my A fiance. It was a very difficult time for me but I had the wisdom to walk away from him and save myself.

However, some months ago I met a new guy...he seemed so wonderful and we started a relationship. At the beginning everything was perfect, except for the fact that he never called me at nights, just texted me. One night I asked him to call me, but he argued he was so tired. I insisted, so he called me and left me a voice message. When I listened to it, it seemed to me that he was drunk...and all the nightmare of my past relationship came back. The morning after he said that he was not drunk at all, just very sleepy, so I believed him.

However, since then, I have been living in a hell, always asking myself if he was drinking or not. I told him about it and he said he was not an alcoholic jut have some glasses three or four times a week...and one saturday in a dinner with friends he drunk like 7 glasses of wine and two glasses of champaign and still behave as normal. So I wondered if he had really developed a high tolerance to it...

There was a weekend that we spend together and he had 2 glasses of beer and two glasses of wine on friday night and no drink on saturday and sunday which was a big relief to me...however we met next tuesday for St. Valentines day and he has alcohol breathing smell...I asked him if he had been drinking and he said that he had just ONE glass of wine on his way. However we went to the cinema and during all the film, I could smell alcohol from his body and this drove me mad, hurt and sad. So at the end of the night we broke up.

I have been wondering if it was possible that a guy could smell of alcohol after having just one glass of alcohol...maybe I was unfair with him?? Or overreacting?? Sometimes I want to run away from him but sometimes I want him back...I am so confused because I dont have the certainty that he has a problem or it is just me and my past experiences over reacting...

I would appreciate your thoughts...thank you very much...

fedup3

IMHO it's coming out of his pours and that doesn't happen with one glass of wine, sorry.

Take care of yourself.

painterman

I know just how you feel-that horrible uncertainty with someone you want to trust. I have it all the time with my partner. Your suspicions are probably right, it's not natural to reek of alcohol after one glass of wine.
The trouble is we get caught up and start to lose ourselves worrying about the other person ( I can feel it now since my partner came home slightly odd). The al anon programme teaches that you must consider your own wellbeing first, and it also teaches that you can't prevent anyone drinking-they must want to pack in.
Sleepy, tired, worn out, the number of times I heard this when it was obvious she was drunk!
Take good care of yourself.

m1k3

Look at it this way, if you don't have trust you don't have a relationship. Simple as that.

Your friend,

wicked

You may not have iron clad facts that would pass the standard in a court of law.
But I am pretty sure given what you have shared here he has a problem.
You might know this, and that is where the confusion come in, you have feelings for him, but your intuition is telling you the truth.
I drank for twenty years and my experience was the "smell" was with me nearly all the time because I was drinking to blackout every other day. I had to have alcohol in my blood, or I would start to withdraw.
In my opinion, you should take care of yourself and go no contact with this man.
Please, don't be drawn into the games. They are not fun, the rules change all the time, and the alcoholic always "wins". If winning is misery.

Beth

whatamess

Not in my experience. In fact I know the smell of someone who has been drinking to excess so well that I have started recognizing it in others even when they otherwise appear sober.

Trust your instincts.

Alizee

Thank you all for your answers...an additional thing I forgot to mention is that he has kind of nervous shakes when he is sleeping...and it ocurs during all night...I thought it was maybe because of the coffee (he drinks lots of coffee)....in your experience, it this also related to alcohol drinking?

Anyway, I want to follow my instincts, but to be honest is really difficult, I mean, it's like a strange force that pushes me towards him...I will pray a lot to stay away from him...because from my past experience, an ABF is a devastating experience...

Thank you again!!

fedup3

Alizee your instincts already answered your next question.

Prayer and Al-Anon, SR are a great place to start.

whatamess

You know the answer to your own question in your heart of hearts.

Maybe you could start to think about why you find there is a "strange force that pushes you towards him" ...? Al-anon and this forum can also help.

Stay strong.

Willybluedog

Alizee, welcome and big hugs to you, I don't have anything to add but will be here if you need someone to listen.

Bill

Cyranoak

He's an alcoholic. You already know that. There is no scenario in which what you described is anything but alcoholism.

I'm sorry.

Cyranoak

Alizee

Thank you all for your answers and advice. It's true, my intuition was telling me about red flags, but I didn't want to listen my inner voice. Still 5 days from the break up and haven't have contact...yesterday he texted me but I haven't replied. So I hope to stay strong...it's very strange because I miss him...but I know that is a dangerous situation, that's why my rational side ask me to stay away from him. Anyway, I feel that the weekend is more difficult because I feel lonely. I will pray lots and thank you again for sharing your experiences with me.