Loneywife

I've been sick with a cold the past few days, and AH has not let me sleep at all.

It's a regular occurrence in our home for him to violently shake me awake if he's having nightmares, is high and stumbling, has low blood oxygen or wakes up confused. He has a TBI, and is supposed to sleep with a BiPap mask at night, but the most frequent awakenings are when he falls asleep on the couch without his mask on.

I've tried all sorts of tactics to get him to come to bed consistently and wear his mask, but nothing has worked.

I'm resorting to putting a lock on the bedroom door tonight, or debating if I should go to a hotel room. What do you think a good short term solution is?

I'm working through longer term solutions to this problem currently and aren't ready to make a decision about it yet.

outtolunch

Your first post was profound and said something along the lines of " there is nothing more I can do for this relationship or him".

EnglishGarden

My vote is for a modest efficiency motel room (one with a kitchenette) for a period of two weeks so you can get appropriate sleep to be able to have a clear head to make decisions.

I would not let him know where you are and would be available to him only by cell phone to receive voice message.

It sounds as if you are making a long range plan to solve your major problem of marriage to an active addict. If you need more time--and wish not to be harassed--then a brief stay in separate lodging is reasonable if you can afford it and there are no children.

Chino

I vote for lodging elsewhere, too. If you stay at home, more than likely he'll bang on the door and wake you anyway. He's not going to change any of his behaviors because he has no reason to.

Loneywife

Just got a call from his doctor that he needs to be readmitted again to the hospital, probably requiring an overnight stay. Hopefully my MIL won't drive him home after he signs himself out against medical advice.

Sigh. One more night that I can spend alone.

helpme33

It's difficult enough without the cold, hope you are able to rest.

outtolunch

Could you consider making it clear he is not welcome in your home should he decide to sign himself out ? This much you control.

Loneywife

Thank you for the suggestion. I have sent him to my in laws in the past when he's signed himself out. Was that the right place to send him? After all, they were the ones that picked him up.

Loneywife

Ughm the drama. I left the hospital, he seemed to be fine according to the doctors and he wouldn't need an overnight stay........

......they offered him detox, which he adamantly refused.

I got upset in the ER, and said I just needed to sleep, and I'd really appreciate if he could just stay overnight. We got into a full blown argument and I left. As far as I know, my in laws aren't bringing him home tonight.

I'm walking out the door to attend another NarAnon meeting.