"Don't Let Your Kid Grow Up Watching You Go to AA"
The Little Alcoholic Monstress That Could
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Northern California
Posts: 1,159
"Don't Let Your Kid Grow Up Watching You Go to AA"
This is what my alcoholic mother said to me after I came home from a meeting tonight.
She let her kids grow up seeing her being a drunk and all the unGodly things that go with that, but see's me being sober and meetings with other sober people as a problem for a kid to see. HUH?
I'm grateful for AA, for meetings, for SR, and for the courage to change the things I can.
She let her kids grow up seeing her being a drunk and all the unGodly things that go with that, but see's me being sober and meetings with other sober people as a problem for a kid to see. HUH?
I'm grateful for AA, for meetings, for SR, and for the courage to change the things I can.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Albany NY
Posts: 1,212
Oh, wow....I hear that!
Wow.
I grew up in an alcoholic home. I am today a recovered alcoholic. It is my opinion, and my opinion only, that I wasted a lot of years with continued drinking because in my own mind, and based on my youth, that my drinking was not nearly as bad as my parents' drinking was, and somehow it gave me a permission slip to keep doing what I was doing. Hard to put into words, but it was the type of thinking, like, "Well, yeah, I messed up, but at least I don't do what Mom does". Thought I couldn't be nearly as sick as she was.
I vacillated between being angry with her and loving her to pieces to feeling empathy for her. She was not the same Mom I had as a very young child.
The other thing that comes to my mind is that in my rather large, alcoholic family, while behind closed doors, we might have battles royale, but to the outside world, it was a secret. We might have fought each other, but we were fiercely loyal when it came to the world against us. The secret had to be protected, which was also a huge stumbling block for me.
You know how drinking is impacting your life and you are taking steps toward freedom and to becoming the best role model for your children.
Do this for yourself, and the natural progression is that you will ultimately be helping your children.
I'd rather live rightly; live to break the cycle for my family and myself, and be willing lead by example instead of through shallow words. We can choose what we listen to. Thank her for sharing, and move on.
Keep going, let comments like those be like water off a duck's back.
All my best...
Wow.
I grew up in an alcoholic home. I am today a recovered alcoholic. It is my opinion, and my opinion only, that I wasted a lot of years with continued drinking because in my own mind, and based on my youth, that my drinking was not nearly as bad as my parents' drinking was, and somehow it gave me a permission slip to keep doing what I was doing. Hard to put into words, but it was the type of thinking, like, "Well, yeah, I messed up, but at least I don't do what Mom does". Thought I couldn't be nearly as sick as she was.
I vacillated between being angry with her and loving her to pieces to feeling empathy for her. She was not the same Mom I had as a very young child.
The other thing that comes to my mind is that in my rather large, alcoholic family, while behind closed doors, we might have battles royale, but to the outside world, it was a secret. We might have fought each other, but we were fiercely loyal when it came to the world against us. The secret had to be protected, which was also a huge stumbling block for me.
You know how drinking is impacting your life and you are taking steps toward freedom and to becoming the best role model for your children.
Do this for yourself, and the natural progression is that you will ultimately be helping your children.
I'd rather live rightly; live to break the cycle for my family and myself, and be willing lead by example instead of through shallow words. We can choose what we listen to. Thank her for sharing, and move on.
Keep going, let comments like those be like water off a duck's back.
All my best...
The Little Alcoholic Monstress That Could
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Northern California
Posts: 1,159
Love it!
"Be willing to lead by example instead of through shallow words."
And I can imagine the look on her face when I say "thanks for sharing" and act like nothing lol, thank you.
"Be willing to lead by example instead of through shallow words."
And I can imagine the look on her face when I say "thanks for sharing" and act like nothing lol, thank you.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Albany NY
Posts: 1,212
Oh, lol, I can see how when I posted "thanks for sharing" could be viewed as a snide comeback, but the intent of the statement was not to engage in argument with her.
Had I literally taken the "thanks for sharing" comment to my mother, it probably would have earned me a good smack in the mouth.
I keep forgetting that you lose voice inflection when posting in a forum.
But, yes, how gratifying snide comebacks can be - I struggle with them all the time and they are really something I have to stay on top of.
Good luck....
Had I literally taken the "thanks for sharing" comment to my mother, it probably would have earned me a good smack in the mouth.
I keep forgetting that you lose voice inflection when posting in a forum.
But, yes, how gratifying snide comebacks can be - I struggle with them all the time and they are really something I have to stay on top of.
Good luck....
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Kansas City, Mo.
Posts: 40
There could be a small grain of truth in what your mother says. AA Tradition # 3 states that the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. Do you have a desire to stop drinking, (a possible sign of weakness and lack of self-control), or have you stopped drinking? Lead by example, not by wishes.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: New England
Posts: 732
I think your Mom may be envious of your resolve and can't face the truth about your childhood. You are doing the right thing and your children will respect and admire you for it when they are older instead of resenting you for an alcoholic upbringing. Good for you!
The Little Alcoholic Monstress That Could
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Northern California
Posts: 1,159
Originally Posted by sugarbear1 
Read pages 66 and 67 of the big book.
Hugs,
Hugs,
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 92
Wow! What a weird thing to say. I grew up in a house where dad was in active addiction and it was not pretty. I wish i could say my parents let me and my brother grow up watching our dad go to meetings to stay clean, rather than the chaos that we experienced. One of my good friend's mom was (and still is) in recovery while we were growing up and i remember her going to her meetings every thursday at 8pm. I was JEALOUS of that household. Even as a young person, i knew they had something we didn't. You are doing the right thing, modeling for your family how an adult takes care of themself in recovery. Keep up the good work, i think you are awesome. Xo
Life is Grand
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Michigan
Posts: 2,039
I had my Son when I was a little over a year sober, he has gone to AA meetings, dances, picnics, you name it!! I took him with me since he was an infant.
Today, he is 16 years old....and he still sees me reaching out when necessary. He sees me on Sober Recovery and he sees keep in touch with the friends...best friends that I met in the rooms.
I could not have done this alone...and I am NOT ashamed of what I am...a SOBER alcoholic. My Son is not ashamed of me either....he tells me he is proud of me every sober anniversary. While I do not advertise that I am in recovery, I don't hesitate to say it either, it is part of who I am.
You do what you have to do LLG6...and be proud of who you are. If you hide who you really are, you will always be worried about your child finding out. It is just a part of you, nothing to be ashamed of or hide from. It is a great thing to be open, honest and free!!!
As for your Mom....misery loves company. You are only responsible for your own recovery, you can't MAKE someone stop drinking who doesn't want to, even if it is your Mom. Be there for her if she chooses to get sober, but you have a bigger responsibility now....your own sobriety and the little one.
Cathy
Today, he is 16 years old....and he still sees me reaching out when necessary. He sees me on Sober Recovery and he sees keep in touch with the friends...best friends that I met in the rooms.
I could not have done this alone...and I am NOT ashamed of what I am...a SOBER alcoholic. My Son is not ashamed of me either....he tells me he is proud of me every sober anniversary. While I do not advertise that I am in recovery, I don't hesitate to say it either, it is part of who I am.
You do what you have to do LLG6...and be proud of who you are. If you hide who you really are, you will always be worried about your child finding out. It is just a part of you, nothing to be ashamed of or hide from. It is a great thing to be open, honest and free!!!
As for your Mom....misery loves company. You are only responsible for your own recovery, you can't MAKE someone stop drinking who doesn't want to, even if it is your Mom. Be there for her if she chooses to get sober, but you have a bigger responsibility now....your own sobriety and the little one.
Cathy
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,071
Originally Posted by LiveLikeGold6
This is what my alcoholic mother said to me after I came home from a meeting tonight.
Congrats on being an awesome, responsible, loving Mom!!!
The Little Alcoholic Monstress That Could
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Northern California
Posts: 1,159
Thank you so much everyone for the love! I had another great meeting today and met a woman who I think I will ask to be my sponsor. She has 18 years.
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