sark

I dont know how to seek support from friends. My drinking continues, I have supportive friends who tell me they are here for me if I need them but I have the hardest time asking for help because I dont even know what I need. I am still grieving the loss of my husband and trying to get adjusted to my new life with my kids. Thier are so many other things that are to much to tell here that has added stress.
Sometimes I think I am ok to drink and other times I know I need to stay away from the bars. Reason is because sometimes I drink and can put a limit on it, usuallly when I am alone. When I go out though I seem to loose track, I dont black out but I lose track of how many I had. So I tell myself that maybe I dont have a problem if I can sometimes put a limit on it but then I think I do because I sometimes need to have a drink. So as you can see I am very confused.
So I guess I am trying to figure out if I really do have a problem and if so how can I can force myself to ask for help from friends when my compulsion to drink is very late at night.AA is good but I cant utilize it in the middle of the night when i want to drink. I also dont feel right calling friends in the middle of the night either. What has anybody else done to help them.

janiebluebird

I am in somewhat of a similar situation to you. I have had many enjoyable and controlled occasions drinking that made me question how much of a problem I have with alcohol after the occasional out-of-control night (drinking too much, basically losing control of how I'm behaving in many ways). To me, the every-so-often bad night and terrible hang overs outweigh the "good" nights when drinking. I just recently decided that I should stop for good, so I will see how this all pans out, but I cannot take the bad feelings associated with a night of binge drinking the next day anymore. A sober lifestyle will be more beneficial and healthy if we're able to find a way to make it work for us and stay on track. I think if you are questioning it this much, there must be something pretty wrong with it. Anyway, good luck to ya.

Sapling

Hey Sark....I think for me the most important thing that I had to do was get honest with myself. You think you have a problem....Maybe you don't....Only on some days. That fact is you are here. People that don't have problems with alcohol normally don't end up here. You are blessed to have friends that are there for you and have offered to help. A lot of people don't have that. You say you don't want to ask for help because you don't know what you need.....Sit down for a little while....Maybe write a little list...Two columns...What is alcohol doing Good for You....And How is alcohol causing you problems. Try and be as honest with yourself as you can. You might be in a really good place right now....Where you can get some help and get into some kind of recovery program and have support from people that care about you. Before you completely destroy your life and those friends are gone. Keep checking in here...You always have support here. I wish you the best.

least

that's the beauty of SR. it's always here. there's always someone online. i've had many nights where SR was what kept me sane and sober.

sugarbear1

If there weren't a problem, you wouldn't be drinking. You'd do what the "normies" do....grieve and move on.

Those of us who can't deal with the emotions, drown them....

Prayers, Love, & Hugs,

Dee74

hi again Sark - welcome back

I would always look at the times I did 'control myself'and use that as evidence I didn't have a problem - but I'd always forget about the many many more times when I plainly had any control at all....

I look back now and I see even when I did manage to 'drink like a gentleman' I always followed that up, sooner or later with a blow out.

I think I never had control - I just was lucky some nights....and those nights were the baiut to keepo me hooked into the delusion that I could somehow drink 'normally' one day.

I found it hard to reach out too - equal parts pride and shame - and so I got worse and worse.

There's a lot of support and understanding around sark - both here and elsewhere.
I really hope you decide to use it

D

artsoul

For me, that alone would be a pretty big red flag......

I also noticed that you've tried to get sober several times before. I think our minds (the addicted part) can play all kinds of tricks on us to justify our drinking. I never really "felt" like an alcoholic, but then again, I KNEW I wasn't a social drinker. I saw that most clearly when I tried to stop.

As least said, there's always someone here if you need support!

artsoul

double post.......

sark

Well thier has been alot of good advise and encouragment so far. I guess I have to really decide and move towards accepting help. My biggest problem of why i think i am in denial is because I drink and am still able to function normaly. i take care of my kids, I dont miss appointments, do well in college and so on. I hide it very well from the majority except close friends who i have told, other than that I think people would not have a clue.

Sapling

The sad thing is... this doesn't get better with time. Get out before you lose control of all those things you mention.

Dee74

For maybe 12 of the years I drank I was exactly like you - hard working, responsible, honours student, professional musician, busy academic.

Then the wheels fell off. I still can't trace the descent because it happened so fast.

For the next 7 or 8 years I was 'that guy' in the neigbourhood, you know?
I lost my careers, I lost my standing in the community, I lost friends, I lost my health, & I lost my self-respect.

Please don't make the mistake I did and think you're immune from that. You're not Sark.

D

freshstart57

Listen to that sapling character, you can hear the same advice from a thousand people here if you wait long enough. The wise child will take that to the bank, and make a plan about continued use of alcohol. Yup, just the way it sounds. What would your life be like without alcohol? Look again at that plus and minus comparison exercise, and make the right call.

It will never get any easier to make that decision, and today can be the day when your life starts to get better. A lot better. Can you make a plan?

Tippingpoint

Hey Sark,

I think you need to take responsibility for the drinking. I think that in a way you're letting yourself off the hook by saying...it was late and I couldn't find anyone to help me. Oh...and if there was someone there I wouldn't know what help to ask for.

This just seems like a convenient way for you to give yourself permission to drink.

Yes, people can lend support and offer advice but no one can keep you from drinking...that one is all you.

The good news is that you can learn how to do it. And once you have some success it will get easier and easier. You start with one day and then move on to one week and then a month and then a year etc. You can do it.

sark

From reading here on the board and have seen it myself in my family I can see where it can get worse..and like tippingpoint said I guess I have to take responsibility. I know no one can force me to stop.

Sapling

It takes a little courage and a lot of work. Action...being the key word. But it's a lot easier than watching your life just fall apart right in front of you. Trust me. I've seen it.