How to cope with my Boyfriends Opiate Addiction..
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 6
How to cope with my Boyfriends Opiate Addiction..
Hello, I have been on this forum for a little while now, getting strength and advise all the time. Recently, a lot of things have been going on. I am a confident, intelligent sweet and compassionate person. I am graduating college hopefully in may and continuing with my masters degree. About a year ago, I met a man I thought i was going to marry, my "soul mate". Before I met him, I was in a terrible long relationship with a man who treated me like ****. I never thought anyone can be sweet and loving to me or be my best friend. After I met this guy, i fell deeply in love with him. He was the most caring, most loving man I have ever met. He treated me like gold and I was never happier in my life. He was the greatest thing that walked into my life and showed me what true love felt like. Unfortunately, all good things come to an end. I caught him sniffing opiates(roxies), and admitted to me he was using our whole relationship and cried and pleaded I stay with him, and he loves me and cant do this without me. He was supposed to go to rehab this week, instead detectives came to his house and took him away, because he was caught robbing several houses.. Now he is charged with burglary& god knows whats going to happen next.. I haven't spoken to him for a week since hes been calling me from jail, finally picked up today. It was the hardest thing I could have done, my emotions were flooded and I couldn't help but cry. I knew what I had to do- end the relationship. We spoke for a little while, and I let him know the relationship was over and I wasn't on planning spending my life with a junkie and maybe even a felon. I told him maybe, one day in the future, if you are clean and become normal and start a life for yourself, and if we are both single, maybe we can see if things can work out again. I told him if we are meant to be, we will be. He started crying and told me, he couldn't believe what he has done and now sitting in a jail cell. He told me he can't live without me and will work hard everyday to get clean. He pleaded for me to come and see him if he gets out and for us to "talk", but I know I will give it to my emotions. I need some advise.. My family and friends all tell me to never give this guy a chance and its over, forever. Maybe im delusional by my feelings and not seeing whats going on, but I love him and he was not only my boyfriend but my best friend. Has anyone went through a similar situation? Thank you 
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: new moon road
Posts: 1,545
Welcome to SR.
Unfortunately opiates make everything in life wonderful during the high. He has been out of touch with reality during his time with you,dear. Apart from his felonies, he has been living inside a thick fog.
Being in a committed relationship with a drug addict is as serious a business as you say it is. You are actually healthier than many of us were when we fell in love with our addicts. Usually we minimize the risk, and step right onto that roller coaster for many years. We don't even hesitate, as you are now doing.
Three years. I would not be able to trust him for three years. I would need to step away and watch his actions for that long before making any commitment.
And I would put myself into codependency recovery to lessen the chance my fog was as thick as his.
All good wishes and many here will be of support to you. Welcome!
Unfortunately opiates make everything in life wonderful during the high. He has been out of touch with reality during his time with you,dear. Apart from his felonies, he has been living inside a thick fog.
Being in a committed relationship with a drug addict is as serious a business as you say it is. You are actually healthier than many of us were when we fell in love with our addicts. Usually we minimize the risk, and step right onto that roller coaster for many years. We don't even hesitate, as you are now doing.
Three years. I would not be able to trust him for three years. I would need to step away and watch his actions for that long before making any commitment.
And I would put myself into codependency recovery to lessen the chance my fog was as thick as his.
All good wishes and many here will be of support to you. Welcome!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 11
Support4Life,
Your stories is very similar to mine. Though I think you are a stronger person then I. My ABF also went to jail and is facing felony charges. He has been on suboxone since the beginning of our relationship. I was up front with him and said that I did not like the fact that he is hiding behind a prescribed drug. I later found out he occasionally used and wouldn't feel the w/d effects with the suboxone. At that time I as very naive and didn't realize the full gravity of the situation. As time pasted, he started tapering down, for me so he says, to eventually get off suboxone and be 100% clean. You guessed it. He went head first into full addiction mode. I was completely blindsided as I had no idea he would go so low for opiates. I know very dumb of me to think. Then I found SR and learned a great deal about addiction. Things progressed in a downward spiral which landed him in jail. It has been a VERY rough road and honestly I am not sure if this is going to have a happy ending. I choose to stay with him (for now) because he is actively seeking help on his own (he is in rehab for two weeks plus seeing a counselor, plus NA meetings) and he is starting to change his way of life. But with that being said its been a roller coaster that I am not sure how much longer I am going to stay. We are both very clear on where our boundaries lie and if one is crossed I will NOT hesitate in leaving him behind. For me, leaving him would be the easy way out. But for now I am watching and waiting to see if he is serious about recovery or not. But don't be fooled, opiate addiction is not just about the physical affects. The bigger picture is in the mind and the addict way of thinking.
Ultimately the decision is up to you on how to handle the people in your life. I try my hardest to live a life with no regrets. If at the end of the day our relationship does not work out then I can say that I tried everything possible and it was a learning experience not to be repeated. I not saying my choice was a good or correct one. In fact its probably plane stupid. But none the less, its something I have to see through just a little while longer.
If you ever need an ear or just to rant about something, just holler out
Your stories is very similar to mine. Though I think you are a stronger person then I. My ABF also went to jail and is facing felony charges. He has been on suboxone since the beginning of our relationship. I was up front with him and said that I did not like the fact that he is hiding behind a prescribed drug. I later found out he occasionally used and wouldn't feel the w/d effects with the suboxone. At that time I as very naive and didn't realize the full gravity of the situation. As time pasted, he started tapering down, for me so he says, to eventually get off suboxone and be 100% clean. You guessed it. He went head first into full addiction mode. I was completely blindsided as I had no idea he would go so low for opiates. I know very dumb of me to think. Then I found SR and learned a great deal about addiction. Things progressed in a downward spiral which landed him in jail. It has been a VERY rough road and honestly I am not sure if this is going to have a happy ending. I choose to stay with him (for now) because he is actively seeking help on his own (he is in rehab for two weeks plus seeing a counselor, plus NA meetings) and he is starting to change his way of life. But with that being said its been a roller coaster that I am not sure how much longer I am going to stay. We are both very clear on where our boundaries lie and if one is crossed I will NOT hesitate in leaving him behind. For me, leaving him would be the easy way out. But for now I am watching and waiting to see if he is serious about recovery or not. But don't be fooled, opiate addiction is not just about the physical affects. The bigger picture is in the mind and the addict way of thinking.
Ultimately the decision is up to you on how to handle the people in your life. I try my hardest to live a life with no regrets. If at the end of the day our relationship does not work out then I can say that I tried everything possible and it was a learning experience not to be repeated. I not saying my choice was a good or correct one. In fact its probably plane stupid. But none the less, its something I have to see through just a little while longer.
If you ever need an ear or just to rant about something, just holler out
work in progress
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: the sunshine state
Posts: 623
@Tara- "For me, leaving him would be the easy way out."
Ah, therein lies the dilemma. It's what leads us all to this place.
The pain of letting someone go who is sick is tormenting. It is DEF not an easy thing to do, or an easier way out.
Letting go of my exAH was the MOST difficult decision I have ever had to make in my life. You see, I had become as addicted to him and all the chaos as he to his Opiates. And I was getting sick too. Tired, paranoid, suspicious, isolated, meddling, micromanaging everything, broke, had no love life in the end really. Too tired. Wiped out completely.
But he was MY drug in a way. Taking care of him kept me from having to face myself in my OWN cracked mirror. Kept me busy, kept be purposed in a very troubling way. Kept me from having to deal with me.
Detoxing from them is very difficult. But I had hit my own emotional bottom, and couldn't take one more day of being me with him.
That's when the real work came, and it was a tough ride. But I was ready...just as you will be in your own time.
This is an excellent place, for none of us walk any "special" path...we're all the same in the end. And here for each other....thankfully.
Glad you are here too.
Ah, therein lies the dilemma. It's what leads us all to this place.
The pain of letting someone go who is sick is tormenting. It is DEF not an easy thing to do, or an easier way out.
Letting go of my exAH was the MOST difficult decision I have ever had to make in my life. You see, I had become as addicted to him and all the chaos as he to his Opiates. And I was getting sick too. Tired, paranoid, suspicious, isolated, meddling, micromanaging everything, broke, had no love life in the end really. Too tired. Wiped out completely.
But he was MY drug in a way. Taking care of him kept me from having to face myself in my OWN cracked mirror. Kept me busy, kept be purposed in a very troubling way. Kept me from having to deal with me.
Detoxing from them is very difficult. But I had hit my own emotional bottom, and couldn't take one more day of being me with him.
That's when the real work came, and it was a tough ride. But I was ready...just as you will be in your own time.
This is an excellent place, for none of us walk any "special" path...we're all the same in the end. And here for each other....thankfully.
Glad you are here too.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Originally Posted by support4life 
After I met this guy, i fell deeply in love with him. He was the most caring, most loving man I have ever met. He treated me like gold and I was never happier in my life. He was the greatest thing that walked into my life and showed me what true love felt like.
Unfortunately, all good things come to an end. I caught him sniffing opiates(roxies), and admitted to me he was using our whole relationship
Have you considered your soul mate has been high as a kite all along. You don't know him clean and sober.
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
Originally Posted by support4life
Hello, I have been on this forum for a little while now, getting strength and advise all the time. Recently, a lot of things have been going on. I am a confident, intelligent sweet and compassionate person. I am graduating college hopefully in may and continuing with my masters degree. About a year ago, I met a man I thought i was going to marry, my "soul mate". Before I met him, I was in a terrible long relationship with a man who treated me like ****. I never thought anyone can be sweet and loving to me or be my best friend. After I met this guy, i fell deeply in love with him. He was the most caring, most loving man I have ever met. He treated me like gold and I was never happier in my life. He was the greatest thing that walked into my life and showed me what true love felt like. Unfortunately, all good things come to an end. I caught him sniffing opiates(roxies), and admitted to me he was using our whole relationship and cried and pleaded I stay with him, and he loves me and cant do this without me. He was supposed to go to rehab this week, instead detectives came to his house and took him away, because he was caught robbing several houses.. Now he is charged with burglary& god knows whats going to happen next.. I haven't spoken to him for a week since hes been calling me from jail, finally picked up today. It was the hardest thing I could have done, my emotions were flooded and I couldn't help but cry. I knew what I had to do- end the relationship. We spoke for a little while, and I let him know the relationship was over and I wasn't on planning spending my life with a junkie and maybe even a felon. I told him maybe, one day in the future, if you are clean and become normal and start a life for yourself, and if we are both single, maybe we can see if things can work out again. I told him if we are meant to be, we will be. He started crying and told me, he couldn't believe what he has done and now sitting in a jail cell. He told me he can't live without me and will work hard everyday to get clean. He pleaded for me to come and see him if he gets out and for us to "talk", but I know I will give it to my emotions. I need some advise.. My family and friends all tell me to never give this guy a chance and its over, forever. Maybe im delusional by my feelings and not seeing whats going on, but I love him and he was not only my boyfriend but my best friend. Has anyone went through a similar situation? Thank you
I, too, can relate to your story. My AXGF was also wonderful early on in our relationship. But she was wonderful when she was high. And when she wasn't high...
You showed some courage by ending the relationship. I know that wasn't easy for you, but you did the right thing for you.
As far as advice goes, you made a good choice joining the board. I would read as many posts as you can, especially the "sticky notes" at the top. You need to understand what it is you're dealing with. As for whether it's over for "forever", I can't tell you what to do. All I ask is whatever you decide, it has be to based on your clearest, most honest thinking. Going to Al Anon/Nar Anon meetings can help fill in the blanks for you.
Be safe,
ZoSo
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
