Starting over.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 1,525
Starting over.
Hi guys. SBTS here. It's been a long time.
So unfortunately, after 8 months sober I fell off the wagon last March and have been drinking again for the past 11 months. For the most part nothing terribly bad has happened as a result (although of course, there were a few incidents I regret that I'm sure would have been avoided without alcohol.) However, I am starting to feel really physically bad. My consumption has ramped up again pretty far, way too much to be healthy, and I've been drinking every single day. I realize now that I need to give sobriety another try.
I'm on day 2 and tonight has been hard. I cooked dinner, which is a real trigger for me; normally I'd have a glass of wine or a beer at hand at all times while cooking. But I made it through that, so I feel pretty confident that I can make it through the rest of the night.
Forever's sounding like a really long time right now, so I'm just trying to get through today, trying to string as many days together as I can. I'm trying to think about all the benefits I noticed when I made it 8 months last time, how much better I slept, all the weight I lost, how much saner I felt.
I really think that I will kill myself if I continue drinking as much as I have been, and I don't know how else to fix that except to stop. Telling myself I will drink less just never seems to work.
It's good to be back...
So unfortunately, after 8 months sober I fell off the wagon last March and have been drinking again for the past 11 months. For the most part nothing terribly bad has happened as a result (although of course, there were a few incidents I regret that I'm sure would have been avoided without alcohol.) However, I am starting to feel really physically bad. My consumption has ramped up again pretty far, way too much to be healthy, and I've been drinking every single day. I realize now that I need to give sobriety another try.
I'm on day 2 and tonight has been hard. I cooked dinner, which is a real trigger for me; normally I'd have a glass of wine or a beer at hand at all times while cooking. But I made it through that, so I feel pretty confident that I can make it through the rest of the night.
Forever's sounding like a really long time right now, so I'm just trying to get through today, trying to string as many days together as I can. I'm trying to think about all the benefits I noticed when I made it 8 months last time, how much better I slept, all the weight I lost, how much saner I felt.
I really think that I will kill myself if I continue drinking as much as I have been, and I don't know how else to fix that except to stop. Telling myself I will drink less just never seems to work.
It's good to be back...
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
Welcome back!
And, yes, I knew that alcohol was going to kill me if I didn't stop drinking too. Addiction is a relentless disease and I'm glad that you know you need to stop drinking.
And, yes, I knew that alcohol was going to kill me if I didn't stop drinking too. Addiction is a relentless disease and I'm glad that you know you need to stop drinking.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Washington
Posts: 456
Welcome back.
Did you have a recovery program last time or was it white knuckle sobriety?
If you can take a good honest look at the time preceding your first drink there might be some answers for better success this time.
Best wishes,
SPG
Did you have a recovery program last time or was it white knuckle sobriety?
If you can take a good honest look at the time preceding your first drink there might be some answers for better success this time.
Best wishes,
SPG
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
Soberbythesea - I reached the same conclusion - I was going to die if I continued the way I was. It took me far too long to 'get it', but now I have 4 years. You can do it, too. You'll feel so good to have all that drama and misery behind you.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Glad you're back!
One day at a time is the only way I could manage to quit, too. Hang in there - It's going to get better and you'll gather strength as you go. Give yourself lots of TLC right now and stay close to SR!
One day at a time is the only way I could manage to quit, too. Hang in there - It's going to get better and you'll gather strength as you go. Give yourself lots of TLC right now and stay close to SR!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 1,525
Thanks for the thoughts, everyone. I do think I need to think about what happened last time I relapsed and how to avoid that. Right now I'm just happy that its almost midnight and I've almost made it a whole second day. I don't know when was the last time I went two days in a row without drinking -- even going one day has been extremely rare.
I'm curled up on the couch watching Gossip Girl reruns on netflix -- perhaps not super productive, but it keeps me occupied and my.mind off wanting to drink. I'll probably watch one or two more and go to bed. Looking forward to another night of really good sleep, my favorite thing about the days I manage not to drink.
Ill check back tomorrow.
I'm curled up on the couch watching Gossip Girl reruns on netflix -- perhaps not super productive, but it keeps me occupied and my.mind off wanting to drink. I'll probably watch one or two more and go to bed. Looking forward to another night of really good sleep, my favorite thing about the days I manage not to drink.
Ill check back tomorrow.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by soberbythesea 
I really think that I will kill myself if I continue drinking as much as I have been, and I don't know how else to fix that except to stop. Telling myself I will drink less just never seems to work.
I don't know how many times I vowed to quit, then drank, then vowed to moderate, failed to moderate, only to over do it, then vow to quit. Over, and over, and over. By some miracle, this last time stuck. Maybe, like you, it was the realization that my drinking would be the death of me if I didn't stop.
And stop I did. Finally. And every day is a blessing. Hope you find the way to quit.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Sober State
Posts: 1,126
Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic.
Each relapse gets worse. Hang in there.
You have to accept alcohol is not an option for you anymore. At least that's what I've done. But who am I to talk? Only have a month sober. But I know if I pick up again, I'm as sure as dead. Best wishes. You did it before, you can do it again. Find a way to make it stick this time.
Each relapse gets worse. Hang in there.
You have to accept alcohol is not an option for you anymore. At least that's what I've done. But who am I to talk? Only have a month sober. But I know if I pick up again, I'm as sure as dead. Best wishes. You did it before, you can do it again. Find a way to make it stick this time.
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