1undone

So sick of feeling like I have this big AA on my forehead and having to think, answer questions and deal with alcoholism. I just want to be left alone in my own mind and by others!!!!!

I'm in no way wanting to drink today and I'm not thinking about it and out of the blue DH asks if one of our neighbors knows I'm in AA. I'm not really even friends with this person. The only connection I have with her is that my son goes to hang with hers once in a while.

I'm just hoping my whole life isn't going to revolve around my past drinking. Someone please tell me this will stop or get better because I'm tired of it.

augustwest

what is DH? you've highlighted one instance where someone mentioned it to you. are there others? it sounds like this is more about your perception.

time is somewhat of a cure. for me, doing steps 4-9 put all my past drinking and past crap behind me. i hardly ever think about what i did or how it used to be. i've changed and moved on.

Now, a day or hardly an hour goes by that i don't think about recovery, in aa terms and not in aa terms. but that's not the same thing as being stuck in my addict past. for me it's a wonderful thing, and necessary.

scrambled2012

Suggest you get a part time job about 25 miles away, or join a book club, or volunteer, and establish a second social network isolated from your current one. Do not cross-fertalize the networks, and don't mention anything to do with AA to the new network. Just be the new person you have become; it will give you a break from the assumptions of your current friend set that seem to be bugging you.

If any of the good folks in your new social network invite you for drinks etc., simply "thanks but no" will be fine.

sugarbear1

Everything will settle down. Give time time.

Read a book, get to the movies, candles and a bath, some pampering; do something that will get your mind elsewhere. I don't attend meetings daily, otherwise I won't learn to live life.

Stay strong!

1undone

dH=dear husband

augustwest

i see. work those steps! then you won't regret the past or feel shame. you just might even feel proud to be a part of alcoholics anonymous. i know i am, and it wasn't that way at first. it felt like a death sentence.

1undone

I just feel icky like I want to hide from everyone. I will go be alone for a while and maybe that will help. Thanks all.

Anna

The only time I talk about addiction is here at SR.

In my personal life, my recovery journey is mine and it brings me joy. But, there are too many other things going on to be focusing on alcohol.

I hope that you get through this moment and hang on.

eJoshua

I have a step group I meet with where I discuss my drinking once a week, and I have a counselor I meet with every other week where we frequently discuss my drinking, though not always.

Other than that and when I come on here, I don't really think about it much. I've been sober for about 10 months. Seems like it was the main thing on my mind for a long time, but not so much anymore.

CaiHong

Hi Undone,

I remember feeling like that and I took time out to do something else, this was early in sobriety and it helped, the feeling passed quickly.

The thing is that sobriety is the number one thing in my life because from that all the good stuff flows, peace of mind, low to nonexistent anxiety.

Good to come online and vent.

I didn't want anyone to know I am in AA mainly because it was my personal journey and very private and only the people I trusted, loved and supported me were told.

Hang in there

CaiHong

desertsong

I know how you feel! Since I got sober, it seems that almost every waking moment is focused around sobriety/alcohol. It's not necessarily a bad thing but I need a break from it here and there. Hubby keeps seeing me with my nose in my AA Big Book and reading other stuff about alcoholism, as well as being here on SR, and he's like, "Maybe you should get a job or something." lol Well, for right now, staying sober is a full-time job for me, and that's about all I can handle for the timebeing. That's okay. Once I have a few more weeks/months under my belt, I can think about jobs, etc. But like you, my head needs a break from it all sometimes. I'm watching a lot of movies and reading the new Stephen King novel ... helps a lot. It's good to have sobriety be your main focus (especially early on) but you do still need to take a break from totally focusing on it sometimes. Keep it your main focus, but find other healthy things to focus your brain on too.

1undone

Spent time alone and then went for a walk with husband. I enjoy a quiet walk even if I'm with someone. I think my quiet made him uncomfortable. Let's just say the time we spent together was "strained." I'll admit it, I'm not in a great mood today but I have tried different ways to change it and nothing seems to be working.

There are things in the last 5 years that have been losses for me that I numbed out with alcohol. I'm just now dealing with them so I'm not entirely sure what to do with the various feelings I have now that I should have had a while ago.

I'm hoping that when I get through my 4th & 5th steps I will feel better.

sugarbear1

Writing a journal may help, too.

Retread59

Did you ask your husband why he wanted to know? It seems to me like whether or not you talk about your experiences as an AA with anyone else is pretty much up to you.

Do you think your husband wants to talk with someone else about his own experiences? Maybe he wants to know because he doesn't want to "out" you as an AA?

Maybe AlAnon would be an option for him? Just tossing stuff out that might make sense here.

Sapling

These are words of wisdom...And that's exactly what I did....I made it my full time job until I understood what I was doing...Worked the steps with a good sponsor and felt comfortable with even looking for a job. I got myself in some pretty good debt doing it. I watched three other guys in my homegroup with about the same time as I have...Made getting a job their priority...And all three are out drinking today...And all three have lost their jobs.
And you are right....You need a little balance....as you put it quite nicely.....

Keep it your main focus, but find other healthy things to focus your brain on too.