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5 Years drunk and 3 days clean

Old 02-12-2012, 07:12 AM
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5 Years drunk and 3 days clean

Hi All This is my first post..And I plan on staying around these forums. I have been reading and stories I am reading are motivating.

I was always a drinker and started in college. Drinking Thursday, Friday and Saturday nites. Heavy drinker during those times only to follow a trip to the grease trucks to soak up all the alcohol. The next Thursday would roll around only to do it all over again.

My Uncle is an alcoholic and my father has been stopped multiple times driving drunk. There is alcohol in my family and we even make wine. In fact I have I have 15 cases of wine in my basement right now that my father and my brother and I made.

My mother had stage 4 lymphoma and was diagnosed at 47 years old. We were told that if she didn't have a bone marrow transplant she would die. Well she managed to have her lymphoma for another 18 years, although NOT event free. Her disease would come back every 4 years and would require another treatment.

My mother was my best friend..We talked on the phone 10 times a day about the most silly things but it didn't matter to me..I needed her and she needed me. It was always our dream to raise my children together..and of course with my DH too..But my mother loved children..

So I got married...somehow I couldn't get pregnant. I had 5 miscarriages all resulting in a DnC because my body would not expel the fetus. My fertility Doctor told me I had a less then a 1 percent chance of a live birth. My DH and I decided to adopt. We adopted a boy at 4 days old..It was the best day of my life but the worst. I had severe Post Pardom Depression and at that time my moms lymphoma came back with a vengeance. The entire family was completely oblivious about her disease. They all thought OH she will just have another treatment and bounce right back. I did an ultrasound on her abdomen and saw the lymphoma engorged in multiple organs..She had stage 4 Lymphoma again.

At this point I felt hopeless..my best friend IS dying...She will not be able to help me with my son..My drinking became out of control. She only realized my son for a year at best. She died on August 25th, one year exactly after I got my son.

I did have a daughter on my own after..at that time during pregnancy I didnt drink.

I an resentful that my family is over my mom..My father had a live in girlfriend two weeks later. I cannot get over her..and I have been drinking ever since I knew she was going die..

This disease has going totally out of control. My life has been a blur. I know I have to quit. I am having symtoms that are scarring the living crap out of me. So I am here 3 days in. I am not going back. I have to live for my children. I know after all..that's what my best friend would have done.
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Old 02-12-2012, 07:18 AM
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You have found a wonderful place to share these things.

Welcome
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Old 02-12-2012, 07:26 AM
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Welcome sntinatree....Such an honest post...I will say a prayer for you today....I think the only reason I am alive and sober today is because of prayers from other people...My mom included. It can't hurt. Yeah...Alcohol will destroy your life....No doubt about it and I admire your courage to address it. Just two questions for you. Are you safe with detoxing on your own?....And do you have any kind of program or plan that you are willing to try?
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Old 02-12-2012, 07:38 AM
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Welcome Tinatree, so sorry for your loss. What a blow. I come from a family of alcoholics too. It's in my genes. I have no brakes like "normal" people do. You've come to a good place here. We're all fighting this addiction that for whatever reason dogs us more relentlessly than it does others. It saps our will and never helps...though there's always that little voice that says you'll feel better with a drink or two. Nope.

Anyway I am glad to see you found your way here! Stick around! It helps
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Old 02-12-2012, 07:46 AM
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I too just made my first post here. Today I'm 29 days sober. I joked with my wife last night that a relapsed..... had a candy bar :-) You will heal - even if some of the healing is painful. And as a father of three (and almost four) kids, I can tell you that you'll be able to feel the love of those children in a way that you haven't for five years.

So, when your body inevitably tells you that you can have a drink... if you only satisfy that craving it will be better.... remember the love of your children and you'll get through.
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Old 02-12-2012, 08:22 AM
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Hang in there. You are in the right place.
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Old 02-12-2012, 09:36 AM
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Thanks to all and for all the support. I know this is the place to be. I am detoxing at home, my husband is in full support. I am making a doc apt tomorrow and going to get full bloodwork done.

xo
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Old 02-12-2012, 09:42 AM
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I'm sorry about the difficult time you are having. Welcome to the forums. I certainly hope that you can stay clean for good so that your son and daughter don't have to go through what you had to deal with your mom going before her time.
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Old 02-12-2012, 09:45 AM
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Welcome sntinatree - It's wonderful to have you as part of the family. I'm so sorry you lost your mom, but she would be so proud of you for making the decision to get well.

It sounds like you have everything going for you - support, medical advice, and us. We hope you'll continue to share how you're feeling. I don't know what I would have done without SR during my first few months. I was very anxious and scared to let go of the only life I'd known. Coming here took the edge off my anxiety. I was no longer alone - everyone here understood what I was going through. It meant everything to me. I hope you'll feel the same. Congratulations on your 3 days!
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Old 02-12-2012, 09:50 AM
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Welcome Tina! You found the right place for the decision you have made to quit drinking. Lots of support here!

My mom is my best friend too. Your story melts my heart. Big hug and prayers heading your way.
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Old 02-12-2012, 10:25 AM
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I am sorry to hear you've been going through such hard times. You'll find a lot of support here.

I don't know you, and so I have no way of knowing if what I am about to say is relevant. Feel free to dismiss every word that follows. But after I quit drinking, I gradually discovered that alcohol had cast a pall over every aspect of my life. I had a ton of resentments—my relationship with my dad, my ex-wife, the demands placed on me at work, the guy who cut me off in traffic on my commute home... on and on. Gradually sobriety shifted my perception, and helped me focus on the half of the glass that's miraculously, wonderfully full.

My dad and my ex still do the same things as before, but I've accepted that I cannot control them, nor should I waste my time and energy expecting them to change. I can only control myself, and how I react. I try focusing on the good things, if only because it makes me feel better. My dad was always a good provider, and my ex-wife is a terrific mom to our daughter. Turns out my job is a lot more enjoyable now that I'm not tired and hungover. And for all I know, the guy who cuts me off in traffic is racing to see a relative at the hospital. I realize now that my alcoholism and resentments fed off each other. Once I was away from the alcohol, I began to notice so many reasons to be grateful. I just couldn't see them before, because I was soaking my brain in depressants on a daily basis.

I do not in any way mean to make light of your pain. But from another angle, one might say, Wow, you and your mom had so many years together beyond what her doctors envisioned. She lived to see your son—to see you become a mom. That must have been a precious gift to her. And you defied the odds as well, adding a daughter to your family. Amazing. (My daughter was adopted, by the way, so I realize what a miracle your boy is too!)

Anyway, I'm rambling. I don't know if any of that helps. I am truly sorry for your loss. It's obvious she meant to the world to you, and that you two had a very special bond. I'm sure she would be very glad to see you reaching out for support.
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Old 02-12-2012, 10:32 AM
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Glad you are here!

Be prepared to have emotions on a roller coaster for a while. Everything we've numbed will come to the surface. Let your hubby know that you will be like this, but if you find a program to work along with this site, things WILL settle for you both. AVRT, SMART, LifeRing, AA, some program will supplement the support from Sober Recovery (SR)!

You can stay stopped!!!
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Old 02-12-2012, 06:50 PM
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Ready,

Thank you for all your kind words..Im ready to see the glass wonderfully full. And I would live not to resent my family..You have said alot of very helpful words and Thank You
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Old 02-13-2012, 02:55 AM
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welcome to SR. I'm so sorry your mom passed. (i lost my mother last may, but i am glad I was sober for her last days and funeral).

I hope you are on day 4 and feeling a bit more stable. the doctore appt. is a great idea and please be honest with him/her. if your insurance covers it, ask for a recommendation for some therapy to discuss your feelings about your family FTF.

post often and read a lot....join us on the gratitude threads (and even the whining threads). you are going to feel much better every day sober and you aredoing this for YOU too.
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Old 02-13-2012, 04:29 PM
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Thanks! Day 4..really no symptoms today. Slept really well last nite except for my two kids in my bed kicking me.

Work was really awesome today actually. I had a very clear head and I had so much energy today.

I have to admit the thought of drinking tonite crossed my mind quite a few times, but then I realized how clear I was today.

Thanks for all the support.
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