blackkitty

Well, i've always been addicted to some kind of substance. Currently, I'm addicted to pain pills and xanax. I have never been a drinker, but my boyfriend is an alcoholic. It's hard to deal with. I love him but I resent him at the same time. He makes me so angry! I make myself angry too. It's this a hopeless situation? Thanks guys.

Dee74

Welcome (again) BK.
I don't think it's hopeless - harder maybe - but not hopeless

I think you have to accept that your journey is yours and his is his - but there's no reason why you can't use the support you'll find here and elsewhere and stay sober - there's lots of people here in similar situations doing just that

if you want it, I believe you can do it

D

ReadyAndAble

Hi, welcome to SR, blackkitty.

It's not hopeless at all. I think you need to untangle his addiction from yours, because yours is the only one you have the ability to end, and so is the one that requires all your emotional energy and attention. Maybe you can serve as a good example for him, who knows. That's all up to him. But if you want to get your life back, you absolutely can do that. It's not about hope. It's about action, and you can do it. This whole site is proof of it.

Impurrfect

(((Blackkitty))) - LOVE the name, btw, as I have a very dear black kitty

Your situation is not hopeless at all. I came here as an addict, having abused many things, but crack was my downfall. My bf was also a crack addict.

I read a gazillion posts on both the substance abuse forum as well as the Friends/family forums and found a tremendous amount of experience, strength and hope (ES&H) from both forums.

I do want to say, though, that I highly suggest you seeing a doctor and being honest with them - xanax (benzo) withdrawals can be very dangerous.

You CAN do it though...in less than a month, I'll have 5 years in recovery and SR has been a HUGE part in getting me to this point.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

blackkitty

Hi. T thanks for responding to me. I do have herniated disks and I cut hair and Without the pain meds I can't work. I have tried. But my tolerance is way up. Just kind of in despair at The moment. btw, I have no insurance, I can't get the surgery. Ugh!

blackkitty

Thanks for the message Amy. I know benzo withdrawal is dangerous. Scary. Tapering off a good idea? Idk, kind of depressed.

blackkitty

Thanks Dee. I really appreciate the time y'all take to respond to me. I am spending so much money on my addiction, it's driving me crazy. I cut hair and I am in a lot of Pain. My tolerance is way up. Idk what to do. Really depressed right now. Btw, my bf it's in jail, so he's sober now. He says he wants to quit. How do I know if this time he is sincere? He has said it so many times before. I'm thinking the relationship may be hopeless. we are both codependent and both addicts. Am I crazy thinking this can last? We do love each other, but I realize sometimes love is not.enough.

Dee74

I have no experience with benzoes BK but everyone I know who has will tell you to get a Dr involved - I think its needed with benzo withdrawal.

As for your relationship - I don't pretend to be an expert there.
I think it's important for each partner to focus on their own journey tho.

D

artsoul

Welcome blackkitty!

Sounds like you have a lot going on, which can be overwhelming. I found that once I put my addiction to alcohol front and center, I could then move forward on the other issues in my life.

Glad you're here!

Impurrfect

(((Blackkitty))) - I did forget to mention, in my earlier post, was that I had to leave my still crack-addicted bf. I couldn't deal with his going in and out of jail (always promised to get clean, never did) and his use threatened my recovery.

I'm sorry, I have no suggestions on the back pain. I herniated a disk years ago and I know the pain. I also have no insurance, but my back only causes me trouble a couple times a year and I have a really good doctor.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

blackkitty

Thanks To all for your thoughtful replies. I stand all day for ten hours I guess that's why I am in so much Pain. That and the arthritis, scoliosis, spinal stenosis, ulna tunnel, carpal tunnel, my discs in my neck Are herniated too. Ugh. the list goes on and on.
You know what I really want to know is what is it about alcohol that makes ppl take huge risks, With their lives, freedom, relationships? I understand addiction. I don't understand alcoholism. It seems To me like it must be a very powerful thing, that alcohol. Can anyone give me any insight inTo that? Thanks guys.

blackkitty

impurrfect, I LOVE your Kitties. I have a very dear black one who I believe is my best friend!!

MemphisBlues

Hey, BK. I really urge you to get a doctor involved in your desire for recovery. Kicking opiates can be hell; kicking benzos can be even harder.

I know first hand. Do you have a doctor you can confide in honestly about your addictions?

And, yes, tapering, though hardly recommended for quitting most addictions, is the way to go with benzos.

for alcohol and other drugs, it's the body's elimination of the chemical that creates the withdrawals.

With benzos (and I suspect meth has a similar effect) it's the absence of the drug from the brain that creates a protracted withdrawal experience in many. The brain rewires when the drug is present, and takes a long time to normally absorb neurotransmitters when the drug is detoxed from the body.

Find a doctor versed in benzo withdrawal. Educate yourself first (see benzo.org, benzobuddies.org and other sites), but please don't be scared by the horror stories.

I detoxed from 20 milligrams of Klonopin successfully, as well as kicked alcohol and pot to the curb. It can be done.

Thanks for posting. And thanks for your courage.