First bar/pub visit after 4 months sober
Argonaut
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Netherlands
Posts: 479
First bar/pub visit after 4 months sober
Well, tonight it finally happened. My first evening out with friends in a pub since quitting drinking in October. I have mixed feelings about it, but in general the experience was good and I really learned a lot.
A good friend from my soccer team invited me to go and watch a soccer game in a pub in a bigger city nearby. I haven't been to a pub or bar since I quit drinking, but even when I drank I usually did it at home, alone. The nights that I went out with friends, I would get totally drunk, make an idiot of myself, get in fights etc.
So this was a big test. To be sure I wouldn't drink, I took my antabuse, so I would get very sick of alcohol. I met my friend at the train station and we walked the short bit to the area with loads of disco's, bars, pubs, restaurants etc. in the Old city area. It was only 8 in the evening of a Saturday so the crowds just started gathering. We went to a pub my friend recommended to watch the game. That wasn't a good choice, as the whole wall behind the plasma TV was filled with liquor bottles of dozens of varieties
. My friend ordered a beer, I got creative and got a coffee with whip cream mixed with a espresso.
The bar was still empty and we had a really good time, we talked about the situation of our soccerclub, watched the game and talked about other interesting stuff. He knew I quit drinking and asked if it was for ever. I didn't really answer that question like I should, I said I didn't "plan" on drinking again, didn't like the hangovers etc. I should have been honest and said I am an alcoholic. But he was cool about it, didn't ask any more questions and we watched the game. I got tempted a few times with thoughts about having a drink, but the cravings lasted not even a minute. No idea though if I would have made it without the antabuse. Then I had another coffee, my friend another beer.
Then 3 other friends from the soccer club arrived and started drinking beer after beer. The conversation turned into an hour long marathon of stories who drank more, puked more, did more idiotic things when drunk, blacked out etc. I understand those guys are 22-27 year old and I am 32, so perhaps they are not alcoholics yet and will turn things around, but I didn't join the conversation and didn't criticize their behavior as I am only 4 months sober and have done 1000 more stupid things when I was a drunk myself.
The fun thing is that the pub really got totally full with loads of people. It was a interesting crowd of 25-40 year olds. So instead of listening to the crazy drunk talk of my friends, I order a tea and started paying attention to the surroundings. It was interesting to see that some people really drank a lot and fast, others slow and didn't really pay attention to their drinks and some didn't alcohol at all.
I noticed also a couple of nice girls, made eye-contact with them, I kinda feel stupid for not going over and making a small talk, but I was a bit overwhelmed. I always needed alcohol to get confidence to talk with girls and usually I got totally wasted and often rejected
No wonder, which normal girl would talk to a drunk. Now I felt more confident, made eye-contact, smiled, they often smiled back. Next time I am going for it.
The problem right now are my friends. My good friend is ok and he doesn't drink much but my other soccer friends are not really good company for an evening out. I need to meet, new interesting people that don't drink. The problem is that all the people in my town in the AA are well over 45, so there is no real connection. I have been to the AA twice, but there isn't really a click. Any idea's/tips how you have build up a new social network?
I just want to go out, meet new people, meet new friends, talk about sports, politics or even the weather. Things normal people do.
Thanks for reading.
A good friend from my soccer team invited me to go and watch a soccer game in a pub in a bigger city nearby. I haven't been to a pub or bar since I quit drinking, but even when I drank I usually did it at home, alone. The nights that I went out with friends, I would get totally drunk, make an idiot of myself, get in fights etc.
So this was a big test. To be sure I wouldn't drink, I took my antabuse, so I would get very sick of alcohol. I met my friend at the train station and we walked the short bit to the area with loads of disco's, bars, pubs, restaurants etc. in the Old city area. It was only 8 in the evening of a Saturday so the crowds just started gathering. We went to a pub my friend recommended to watch the game. That wasn't a good choice, as the whole wall behind the plasma TV was filled with liquor bottles of dozens of varieties
. My friend ordered a beer, I got creative and got a coffee with whip cream mixed with a espresso. The bar was still empty and we had a really good time, we talked about the situation of our soccerclub, watched the game and talked about other interesting stuff. He knew I quit drinking and asked if it was for ever. I didn't really answer that question like I should, I said I didn't "plan" on drinking again, didn't like the hangovers etc. I should have been honest and said I am an alcoholic. But he was cool about it, didn't ask any more questions and we watched the game. I got tempted a few times with thoughts about having a drink, but the cravings lasted not even a minute. No idea though if I would have made it without the antabuse. Then I had another coffee, my friend another beer.
Then 3 other friends from the soccer club arrived and started drinking beer after beer. The conversation turned into an hour long marathon of stories who drank more, puked more, did more idiotic things when drunk, blacked out etc. I understand those guys are 22-27 year old and I am 32, so perhaps they are not alcoholics yet and will turn things around, but I didn't join the conversation and didn't criticize their behavior as I am only 4 months sober and have done 1000 more stupid things when I was a drunk myself.
The fun thing is that the pub really got totally full with loads of people. It was a interesting crowd of 25-40 year olds. So instead of listening to the crazy drunk talk of my friends, I order a tea and started paying attention to the surroundings. It was interesting to see that some people really drank a lot and fast, others slow and didn't really pay attention to their drinks and some didn't alcohol at all.
I noticed also a couple of nice girls, made eye-contact with them, I kinda feel stupid for not going over and making a small talk, but I was a bit overwhelmed. I always needed alcohol to get confidence to talk with girls and usually I got totally wasted and often rejected
No wonder, which normal girl would talk to a drunk. Now I felt more confident, made eye-contact, smiled, they often smiled back. Next time I am going for it.The problem right now are my friends. My good friend is ok and he doesn't drink much but my other soccer friends are not really good company for an evening out. I need to meet, new interesting people that don't drink. The problem is that all the people in my town in the AA are well over 45, so there is no real connection. I have been to the AA twice, but there isn't really a click. Any idea's/tips how you have build up a new social network?
I just want to go out, meet new people, meet new friends, talk about sports, politics or even the weather. Things normal people do.
Thanks for reading.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Congrats for staying sober! I remember people-watching my first time too, and was a little surprised to see how few were actually getting drunk. They didn't look nearly as charming as I'm sure they felt!
There are so many places to meet people - community groups, classes, volunteer work...... just striking up a conversation with someone at a book store..... Give it time and keep up the good work on your recovery!
There are so many places to meet people - community groups, classes, volunteer work...... just striking up a conversation with someone at a book store..... Give it time and keep up the good work on your recovery!
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
Drunks are really boring, aren't they?? Ooops. I was one and thought everything was so fun!
[email protected] or try Netherlands young people. Call and ask!
[email protected] or try Netherlands young people. Call and ask!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Texas, a state of mind
Posts: 380
Well done on a sober evening in the pub!
Meeting new people who are sober...well, getting involved in an activity like a running club or some other sport, taking a class, etc. can work.
And just be sure you are recognizing the signs of people wanting to be your friend. Years of drinking give us habits of keeping people at a a distance so as to preserve our drinking time and secrets, and some of these habits can be almost unnoticed by us.
Meeting new people who are sober...well, getting involved in an activity like a running club or some other sport, taking a class, etc. can work.
And just be sure you are recognizing the signs of people wanting to be your friend. Years of drinking give us habits of keeping people at a a distance so as to preserve our drinking time and secrets, and some of these habits can be almost unnoticed by us.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 205
Originally Posted by dawnrunner 
And just be sure you are recognizing the signs of people wanting to be your friend. Years of drinking give us habits of keeping people at a a distance so as to preserve our drinking time and secrets, and some of these habits can be almost unnoticed by us.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
