phoebe64

Okay, so this might be weird, but as I am obsessively reading and posting here, trying to get a solid grip on very good reasons to stay sober, I also am having other thoughts.

I am wondering if talking about drinking, reading about it, thinking about it so much, and not drinking, etc... has me dwelling on it so much I want to drink.

I feel like I need to forget about drinking altogether. Am I making sense? I am wondering if I am dwelling on it all too much and I should just get off the subject and get busy.

It is kind of like a diet. Thinking so much about what I cannot have often makes me just want it all the more. I was successful when I focused on all the healthful and new foods I wanted to include in my diet, as opposed to the deprivation.

I need to find a positive spin like that for the drinking. I used to be able to do it by making fun drinks with seltzer, and even the kids liked it. We would all make juicy spritzers on Sat. night while daddy had beer. But that does not seem satisfying ot me right now.

But it is only day 5 right now. And I was kind of enjoying my recent relapse alot of days. I was controlled much of the time, but I could see it spiralling, and with my health, well, I really just should not drink at all. Like a smoker with asthma.

I really do need to try to get busy at something. Going to cook some healthy food today. Clean the fridge soup, lol. Lots of veggies to use up. Maybe that will help.

I am sitting around dwelling too much on how much I want a drink and cannot have it.

stepping

rochele - thanks for the post! I know how you feel. I hate it. I think about alcohol and what a mess I have made of my life every waking hour. That has been killing me this past week. I too am very early in recovery. I just wish I could be "normal" and not think about alcohol 24/7 ITS DRIVING ME MAD!!!!!!!!! Sorry had to get that out. lol

Sounds like you have a fun filled day ahead of you. Stay sober and have fun! I just always repeat to myself normal people dont think about alcohol the way we do literally obsessing about it. Thats what makes us alcholic. It will get better, it has to! cause when drinking it just kept getting worse. Let's keep the faith!!!!

BUT IN THE MEANTIME lets SCEAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! haha

Wonderland

I tend to obsess over things! The agony of sobriety being one of those things. You're right about getting into a project or hobby, especially if you can find one that takes you out of the house and into a non-bar environment during your normal drinking times. I am going to start going to more painting meetup sessions, because they take place in studios in the weekday evenings and most painters are drinking tea or coffee. I am also going to try and hit the gym right after work, maybe after a few days of sobriety so I have enough energy, lol. Good luck to you.

jjc81

Right there with you ! Now that I no longer have it in my life, I feel the urge to count the hours without it. I'm honestly not missing it, it felt GREAT to wake up today not wanting to climb into a hole ! I just think I need to keep my mind on the reason I chose to quit. Last night at work after turning down countless drinks I realized how strong I really am, plus to bring a book or something to do on "downtime" We should obsess a bit and also be proud that we are still sober and doing are very best to make ourselves better

Purplecatlover

I've been there. Saw an alcohol therapist a few years back. After, every session I drove straight to the liquor store. It was like the more I talked about it, the more I wanted it.
I finally accepted I'm an alcoholic. I ask God to give me wisdom to see the truth about alcohol.... Now I don't believe the lies anymore. It doesn't make you feel good in the long run. It doesn't solve anything. It is a destroyer of mind, body, soul, spirit, & family.
Now that I've accepted it is poison & I can not drink ever again. I'm fine w/ it now. I have no desire at all. No more war in the mind. It is what it is.
Everyone must come to a point where they have to make a serious choice, are you going to fight for life or lay down & die?

phoebe64

Wonderland, I have read many or your posts last night, while I was reading and reading to deal with my hubby's drinking! You remind me so much of myself, where I was at a year and a half ago. Such a similar place with alot of the worry and anxieties. While I did slip, I have held onto alot of the gains from getting healthier and know that the anxiety gets so much better with longer and longer sobriety.

I am glad i am taking advantage of this support here this time around. Last time I found you all i was 3 months in and had quit out of pure terror. Not the right reason. It didn't stick once the terror was gone. This time I am just trying to do it for me.

Let's hang onto that thought!

rochele

Wonderland

Let's help each other! I too have quit in the past for long periods of time, but came back to the binges. It will be so refreshing to able to leave the house, because I don't have to stay home and drink and smoke. I will be able to drive anywhere I want and not worry about driving home!

sugarbear1

I spent so much time drinking, why not spend almost as much time not drinking? If I don't, I have no life, again.

Best Wishes,

davidf938

try this. Ask yourself how badly do I want a Quarter Pounder with cheese right this second. Think about nothing but the Quarter Pounder with cheese for 10 minutes and ask yourself the same question again. Find something to do that takes your mind off alcohol. Sure, you can talk about it some, just as you still eat some on a diet, but don't do it all the time. That is called an obsession.

Wonderland

Now I want a Quarter Pounder with Cheese...

Needsassistance

Me too? And I just got off the treadmill...

sugarbear1

I gave up fast food years ago and still can't find it in me to eat that stuff, but...

To drink is to die, for me. I may go for quarter pounder, but I cook so well today, I'd rather take time to make my own juicy and tasty burger. I will walk through the fast food place, walk right out and go home prepared to create my own. I'll make it my way today! Today I am not drinking, so cooking well is a passion that I have time for.

Life requires a balance. This is a life-long habit I am acquiring. I am getting rid of old habits and creating healthier ones.

There was a time when I heard or read about alcohol, and I had to run out and buy some to drink. Today, it's not an option for me. Kinda like looking out my windows to check on the current weather and watching my neighbors roll a big one on their balcony. Just not an option for me.

Dee74

A lot of people find this Rochele.

A lot of us were obsessive in our relationship with alcohol - it makes sense we might still be obsessive.

I don't think the answer is to forget about recovery - I've seen many people get into trouble that way- not thinking about recovery can make you drink too.

I think the key to peace is acceptance - accepting what we are, accepting our relationship with alcohol is toxic, and accepting that we cannot have alcohol in our lives anymore.

That takes time.

Stick with it though - you'll find the obsession will calm down after a while

D

Purplecatlover

I think the key to peace is acceptance - accepting what we are, accepting our relationship with alcohol is toxic, and accepting that we cannot have alcohol in our lives anymore.

This is exactly how I feel. Thanks, Dee