What would it be like to live in a healthy family?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Bellingham, Wa.
Posts: 73
What would it be like to live in a healthy family?
I've always wondered how it would of been to not have alcohol in our family.
My parents, being normal one day then not normal the next,then the third day all mean, irritated and hateful. Then there were the big physical crazy fights, yelling, name calling, put downs and the emotional cruelty, it was Really hard.
They'd be loving on the sober days. It was like they were taken from me when they were drunk, and I'd miss them. I remember that sad and scary feeling. And for them to treat me so bad when drunk was So hurtful and scary!
Then there was shame, from not wanting my friends or anyone to see them that way.
Then to tell me I don't know what I'm talking about, and that I was making trouble whenever I tried to mention something about it. Also, to remember things in their drunk minds, the next day or so, thinking that I was the one that started trouble with them, when I know the truth, and having to suffer the consiquence of whatever they percieved.
The alcohol deteriorated them til the end.
My mom is still alive, and continues to drink, her mind ruined from alcohol. Life feels completely hopeless to her, she gave up on seeing doctors. She doesn't feel like living. She refuses to meet people or to be a part of life. She's Very bitter and mean now, in her old age.
The struggles now, with myself, because of that kind of upbringing is really hard. It doesn't feel right if something doesn't go wrong. It's like having war with my mind, can't seem to concentrate on what's right, and the people in my life suffer also. I don't have very good parental skills. The cycle continued. There's a lot of disfunctional behaviors coming from my family. I can't be happy. I have a hard time believing anyone can like or love me. I feel like the lonliest person in the world. The only time I really feel like a whole person is when I have a drink.
I am also an alcoholic, but haven't had a drink since April 29th, 2002.
I have these devistating spills every once in a while, but the last time was different compared to any other time. It was like everything happened with my eyes open this time. And the next day I felt lower than low, completely hopeless. It was the lonliest feeling. I also saw the hurt in my husbands eyes again, but differently. WHY. I'm an alcoholic. I finally can feel it. Not just say it.
I don't want to die like this. I don't want to end up like my parents. Great people that threw their lives away with alcohol. I don't want to be a bitter, sad and lonely person. They let the alcohol have them. I'm not going to let it have me.
The thought of dying without ever finding true happiness is scary.
This is my life now and the minutes are ticking away.
My parents, being normal one day then not normal the next,then the third day all mean, irritated and hateful. Then there were the big physical crazy fights, yelling, name calling, put downs and the emotional cruelty, it was Really hard.
They'd be loving on the sober days. It was like they were taken from me when they were drunk, and I'd miss them. I remember that sad and scary feeling. And for them to treat me so bad when drunk was So hurtful and scary!
Then there was shame, from not wanting my friends or anyone to see them that way.
Then to tell me I don't know what I'm talking about, and that I was making trouble whenever I tried to mention something about it. Also, to remember things in their drunk minds, the next day or so, thinking that I was the one that started trouble with them, when I know the truth, and having to suffer the consiquence of whatever they percieved.
The alcohol deteriorated them til the end.
My mom is still alive, and continues to drink, her mind ruined from alcohol. Life feels completely hopeless to her, she gave up on seeing doctors. She doesn't feel like living. She refuses to meet people or to be a part of life. She's Very bitter and mean now, in her old age.
The struggles now, with myself, because of that kind of upbringing is really hard. It doesn't feel right if something doesn't go wrong. It's like having war with my mind, can't seem to concentrate on what's right, and the people in my life suffer also. I don't have very good parental skills. The cycle continued. There's a lot of disfunctional behaviors coming from my family. I can't be happy. I have a hard time believing anyone can like or love me. I feel like the lonliest person in the world. The only time I really feel like a whole person is when I have a drink.
I am also an alcoholic, but haven't had a drink since April 29th, 2002.
I have these devistating spills every once in a while, but the last time was different compared to any other time. It was like everything happened with my eyes open this time. And the next day I felt lower than low, completely hopeless. It was the lonliest feeling. I also saw the hurt in my husbands eyes again, but differently. WHY. I'm an alcoholic. I finally can feel it. Not just say it.
I don't want to die like this. I don't want to end up like my parents. Great people that threw their lives away with alcohol. I don't want to be a bitter, sad and lonely person. They let the alcohol have them. I'm not going to let it have me.
The thought of dying without ever finding true happiness is scary.
This is my life now and the minutes are ticking away.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Melbourne victoria
Posts: 1,975
Hello Nors ! 
How sad your post made me feel, from both perspectives . i was a drunken mother to my son, who left home to join the defence force when he was old enough. We have certainly had our ups and downs, and Oh! how i regret my behaviour towards him, now that I have a small time of sobriety . I am hoping that in time i will be able to mend my bridges .
For you , all you need to do is have desire to quit drinking , then DONT pick up the first drink TODAY
personally I chose AA and rang the number in the phone book, I have had nothing but loving support since , andf i have 59 days sober , and am feeling good ! Whichever programme you choose , we will be here for you , there are many wise and loving people here who will be along shortly to offer you support !
Keep posting, and have a read around and ask questions !
Look forward to getting to know you
DONT leave it as long as I did
HUGX from downunder
Lee
How sad your post made me feel, from both perspectives . i was a drunken mother to my son, who left home to join the defence force when he was old enough. We have certainly had our ups and downs, and Oh! how i regret my behaviour towards him, now that I have a small time of sobriety . I am hoping that in time i will be able to mend my bridges .For you , all you need to do is have desire to quit drinking , then DONT pick up the first drink TODAY
personally I chose AA and rang the number in the phone book, I have had nothing but loving support since , andf i have 59 days sober , and am feeling good ! Whichever programme you choose , we will be here for you , there are many wise and loving people here who will be along shortly to offer you support !
Keep posting, and have a read around and ask questions !
Look forward to getting to know you
DONT leave it as long as I did
HUGX from downunder
Lee
Paused
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: bronx
Posts: 16
hello nors,
I can relate to your pain my father is a alcoholic its been terrible. the screaming the watching him kill himself his mind too is ruined and he is in denial.
I try to help him by reading but it doesent work.. his life is a mess and i have to learn i am powerless I know he will most likely never change. its sad.
from his behavior i want to never be that way....i pray and i will pray for you
I can relate to your pain my father is a alcoholic its been terrible. the screaming the watching him kill himself his mind too is ruined and he is in denial.
I try to help him by reading but it doesent work.. his life is a mess and i have to learn i am powerless I know he will most likely never change. its sad.
from his behavior i want to never be that way....i pray and i will pray for you
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Bellingham, Wa.
Posts: 73
Thank you nici.
It is really hard, cuz I really love my mom.
I have so many happy memories of her to, and it makes me so sad to see her in such denial and so different.
I'm still having a hard time accepting it, cuz she's still here, and she's so hopeless looking and so sad and lonely. But I don't know what I expect. She doesn't ever listen to me. If she stops drinking, she'll still be very lonely and sad, and just not have what seems to make her feel good, like it's gotten to the point where it's the only thing that makes her happy.
She's lived her life to cater to my dad and us and now that my dad is gone, and us two kids have grown up and have our own families, she doesn't seem to want to live anymore.
It does make me really sad.
I'll pray for you as well, thank you.
It is really hard, cuz I really love my mom.
I have so many happy memories of her to, and it makes me so sad to see her in such denial and so different.
I'm still having a hard time accepting it, cuz she's still here, and she's so hopeless looking and so sad and lonely. But I don't know what I expect. She doesn't ever listen to me. If she stops drinking, she'll still be very lonely and sad, and just not have what seems to make her feel good, like it's gotten to the point where it's the only thing that makes her happy.
She's lived her life to cater to my dad and us and now that my dad is gone, and us two kids have grown up and have our own families, she doesn't seem to want to live anymore.
It does make me really sad.
I'll pray for you as well, thank you.
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
Nors,
It seems to me that you have a rather short time of sobriety and may be a bit soon to go back to the past. The important on right now is you and your day to day sobriety.
True, it helps to see the causes and the triggers but when these things cause pain you need to stay close to support. That can be here or in the rooms with a sponsor.
Be gentle with yourself,
JT
It seems to me that you have a rather short time of sobriety and may be a bit soon to go back to the past. The important on right now is you and your day to day sobriety.
True, it helps to see the causes and the triggers but when these things cause pain you need to stay close to support. That can be here or in the rooms with a sponsor.
Be gentle with yourself,
JT
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