Trouble With Sticking To School
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 30
Trouble With Sticking To School
I go to beauty school. There is a serious air of negativity going on there and a huge lack of structure. I have voiced my concerns to the school director about the structure part and she has made some changes, etc.
However, I'm finding myself not feeling like being on time every day and once I get there, I'm okay for a few hours, but then I want to leave so badly. If I don't get my hours though, I will graduate later and later and later.
I know it's bad, I know I need to stop doing it, but I can't seem to get out of it. My motivation waxes and wanes. I'm going to screw up my $20,000 education if I don't get it together.
Does anyone ever deal with this? Where does it come from? I'm the same with jobs. I get them, I'm fine for awhile, but then when I start figuring out the problems going on there, it affects me greatly and I quit. I don't want to quit school. I have to learn how to commit to something and stick to it.
Is it apathy? Depression? I've been on antidepressants before, but have always been reluctant to stay on them for a long period of time. I feel like such a quitter, lazy. I don't even really enjoy going anywhere anymore.
However, I'm finding myself not feeling like being on time every day and once I get there, I'm okay for a few hours, but then I want to leave so badly. If I don't get my hours though, I will graduate later and later and later.
I know it's bad, I know I need to stop doing it, but I can't seem to get out of it. My motivation waxes and wanes. I'm going to screw up my $20,000 education if I don't get it together.
Does anyone ever deal with this? Where does it come from? I'm the same with jobs. I get them, I'm fine for awhile, but then when I start figuring out the problems going on there, it affects me greatly and I quit. I don't want to quit school. I have to learn how to commit to something and stick to it.
Is it apathy? Depression? I've been on antidepressants before, but have always been reluctant to stay on them for a long period of time. I feel like such a quitter, lazy. I don't even really enjoy going anywhere anymore.
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Join Date: Nov 2009
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Originally Posted by ady gil 
I definitely have this issue with jobs....dealing with co-workers that are toxic and controlling led me to quit a lot of jobs...I finally got a job where I'm fairly autonomous so that helped. However I just got a second job (temporary thankfully - Thank God) where my boss is over-bearing, micromanaging and controlling. I'm sticking it out since it's temporary but it is a challenge.
School I've been good with...I have perfection and people pleasing issues so I tend to over-perform there, sometimes for the wrong reasons.
School I've been good with...I have perfection and people pleasing issues so I tend to over-perform there, sometimes for the wrong reasons.
When I was a kid, a pediatrician diagnosed me with ADHD. I did well in school on the medication, was a straight A student and everything. I stopped taking it when I was 17. Maybe I shouldn't have? I just don't like taking medication for fear that maybe I just have some emotional stuff to work out and it will go away, but this stuff constantly holds me back.
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 27
Set some goals! We ALL have moments like that however, there comes a time where we have to realize it's all about being responsible. Be accountable for the decisions you make. If you don't want to be in beauty school, find something that will interest you. If you do want a career within the beauty industry, then I would recommend that you set some obtainable goals. Have you ever heard of The Vision Board? If not, google it. I would create that board and watch things happen. It's time to get excited and get motivated. Go kick some butt!!
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Columbia MO
Posts: 1,127
I was at my therapist today and she gave me a spreadsheet about family roles or relationships in ACOA's and the behaviors were highly predictive.
One of the items was being the "scapegoat" for all the wrongs in the dysfunctional home and one of the outcomes was the inability to keep jobs because of self desrtuctive behavior.
I was shocked to see how many things applied to me.
I have to tell you anti-depressants saved my life, they pulled me out of a pit of despair, allowed me to get up and go to work, function out in the world, there is no shame in needing this medication, please reconsider your decision not to take it.
big hugs,
Bill
One of the items was being the "scapegoat" for all the wrongs in the dysfunctional home and one of the outcomes was the inability to keep jobs because of self desrtuctive behavior.
I was shocked to see how many things applied to me.
I have to tell you anti-depressants saved my life, they pulled me out of a pit of despair, allowed me to get up and go to work, function out in the world, there is no shame in needing this medication, please reconsider your decision not to take it.
big hugs,
Bill
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Where the buffalo roam
Posts: 370
Yes, I also have those issues with jobs, and I've had them in school as well. I finally got a degree online, which was not so bad.
I know that I've had a lot of friends who have gone to one beauty school or another, and I think they have all felt that unhealthy competitive atmosphere that it can foster.
One friend I had just chose to stick with the very few (like one or two) people at her school who weren't catty and competitive. If you can find one or two people like that to stick with, it might help...?
But, regardless of the place, I think that it's definitely natural for ACAs to have a really hard time working with other people. We tend to be more sensitive, people set off our triggers, we get mad or depressed and quit, etc.
From my experience, I also tend to make the personality conflicts into a bigger deal than they actually are, and when I look back I realize that in many instances I have just been acting out on my ACA behaviors and triggers, and that things weren't really as bad as I saw them at the time.
I don't think that you're being apathetic or lazy, I think that you're trying to deal with your ACA issues in a negative environment, and that is a really hard thing to do. Dealing with a negative work/school environment is difficult for anyone, but I think it's especially difficult for us ACAs.
I've mentioned in other posts that I'm sticking it out at my current job because I need at least *one* good reference, as I've left all of my other jobs on bad terms. I literally live *right* next door to a place that I used to work, and I liked the job, but I couldn't stand my coworkers or supervisors. I would love to go back there and work (just walk next door and do something I love), but I'm pretty sure that they wouldn't hire me if I begged them to.
In all fairness, I can still look back and not appreciate the way that I was treated there, but I really acted out on some of my behaviors while I worked there.
I take anxiety medication because, for now at least, I have to. I don't think I will have to take it forever (although I might, but I hope not), and I know that the reason I need it right now is due to my ACA childhood.
It's true what you're saying about not wanting to waste your money, whether it's a grant or loan, or whatever, but at the same time there are always opportunities to get financial aid at a different school if you just want to.
If you can grit your teeth and find a way to maintain your well-being long enough to finish your schooling where you're at, I think it would be a good idea.
But if you can't, don't beat yourself up too terribly. Try to find what works for you. I think it's safe to say that most of us, if not all of us, have been in that type of situation...and, while it makes it hard to plan for the future, you have to take care of you first.
I know that I've had a lot of friends who have gone to one beauty school or another, and I think they have all felt that unhealthy competitive atmosphere that it can foster.
One friend I had just chose to stick with the very few (like one or two) people at her school who weren't catty and competitive. If you can find one or two people like that to stick with, it might help...?
But, regardless of the place, I think that it's definitely natural for ACAs to have a really hard time working with other people. We tend to be more sensitive, people set off our triggers, we get mad or depressed and quit, etc.
From my experience, I also tend to make the personality conflicts into a bigger deal than they actually are, and when I look back I realize that in many instances I have just been acting out on my ACA behaviors and triggers, and that things weren't really as bad as I saw them at the time.
I don't think that you're being apathetic or lazy, I think that you're trying to deal with your ACA issues in a negative environment, and that is a really hard thing to do. Dealing with a negative work/school environment is difficult for anyone, but I think it's especially difficult for us ACAs.
I've mentioned in other posts that I'm sticking it out at my current job because I need at least *one* good reference, as I've left all of my other jobs on bad terms. I literally live *right* next door to a place that I used to work, and I liked the job, but I couldn't stand my coworkers or supervisors. I would love to go back there and work (just walk next door and do something I love), but I'm pretty sure that they wouldn't hire me if I begged them to.
In all fairness, I can still look back and not appreciate the way that I was treated there, but I really acted out on some of my behaviors while I worked there.
I take anxiety medication because, for now at least, I have to. I don't think I will have to take it forever (although I might, but I hope not), and I know that the reason I need it right now is due to my ACA childhood.
It's true what you're saying about not wanting to waste your money, whether it's a grant or loan, or whatever, but at the same time there are always opportunities to get financial aid at a different school if you just want to.
If you can grit your teeth and find a way to maintain your well-being long enough to finish your schooling where you're at, I think it would be a good idea.
But if you can't, don't beat yourself up too terribly. Try to find what works for you. I think it's safe to say that most of us, if not all of us, have been in that type of situation...and, while it makes it hard to plan for the future, you have to take care of you first.
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 1,437
Yes same with jobs, I always find what's wrong and then tend to take over till I am in management in charge. Started my own business for 10 years simply because of that.
But I would urge you to try to stay in school and not sabotage yourself. This is a very important time of life. Maybe if you have recognized it and labeled it you can get through it?
But I would urge you to try to stay in school and not sabotage yourself. This is a very important time of life. Maybe if you have recognized it and labeled it you can get through it?
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Columbia MO
Posts: 1,127
You know I found so much of this crap to be personal, looking back I am not so sure that it was about me, I think some people just need to be causing trouble.
I found that keeping a work journal was very helpful, I treated it like a document I would need for a lawsuit sometime down the road, I never sued an employer even though I probably could have won. I wrote in it at lunch and right after work when it was fresh in my mind. I even included my arrival time, time I left for breaks, lunch etc. it helped me be on time because I was tracking myself. It really helped me feel in control, and rather than attack Bob for what I deemed were his personal attacks on me I just wrote it down, owned it and went on.
Journaling is the worlds cheapest therapy!
I found that keeping a work journal was very helpful, I treated it like a document I would need for a lawsuit sometime down the road, I never sued an employer even though I probably could have won. I wrote in it at lunch and right after work when it was fresh in my mind. I even included my arrival time, time I left for breaks, lunch etc. it helped me be on time because I was tracking myself. It really helped me feel in control, and rather than attack Bob for what I deemed were his personal attacks on me I just wrote it down, owned it and went on.
Journaling is the worlds cheapest therapy!
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 216
Hello everyone,
I have the same problem with jobs and coworkers as some of you...seems like I know better and try to drive my point home. I'm beginning to realize it is just part of my ACA issues.
For instance, I was in management and I did EVERYTHING...had a hard time delegating duties to others, since I did not feel they could do it correctly. I understand now that it's just a screwed up thought I have in my head...probably because I felt things were out of control while growing up in an alcoholic home...didn't trust anyone to do things right. Anyhow, I ended up quitting because I couldn't keep it up and was angry all the time.
I also had some low self esteem issues. I felt like I had to justify everything I did...like going above and beyond to make sure I was being paid my worth. I still do this to a certain extent and all it gets me is heavier workloads than my coworkers because I constantly prove I can do it better and more efficiently. Of course, that only leads to burnout.
Just my take on it,
Hope
I have the same problem with jobs and coworkers as some of you...seems like I know better and try to drive my point home. I'm beginning to realize it is just part of my ACA issues.
For instance, I was in management and I did EVERYTHING...had a hard time delegating duties to others, since I did not feel they could do it correctly. I understand now that it's just a screwed up thought I have in my head...probably because I felt things were out of control while growing up in an alcoholic home...didn't trust anyone to do things right. Anyhow, I ended up quitting because I couldn't keep it up and was angry all the time.
I also had some low self esteem issues. I felt like I had to justify everything I did...like going above and beyond to make sure I was being paid my worth. I still do this to a certain extent and all it gets me is heavier workloads than my coworkers because I constantly prove I can do it better and more efficiently. Of course, that only leads to burnout.
Just my take on it,
Hope
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Newport News, VA
Posts: 22
Self-sabotage for me was caused by a fear of success. Most would say failure, but I think we're all used to being the one in the family that tries and fails. I was so used to failure that success was scary to me. I didn't know how to do well for myself. I didn't want to succeed because it was unfamiliar territory, and as a survivalist, you tend to avoid situations that you may not be able to predict. While success may have been great, the fear of the unknown halts motivation.
You may have missed out on discipline as a child, as I did. I don't mean punishment or abuse, I mean true discipline, a training regimen used to instruct and mold mental, moral, and behavioral characteristics. Out of proper discipline, we learn to discipline ourselves. Out of self-discipline we can weigh ourselves objectively and measure how well we've spent our efforts. I really believe this is where true self-esteem comes from.
Do you know what aspects of your life you can and can't control? Any time we build expectations for situations we can't control, we put ourselves in danger of being let down, frustrated, angry, etc. "She SHOULD stop acting so negatively." "The light SHOULDN'T stay red for so long." These kinds of expectations can literally drive us insane. When these expectations play out in our favor it feels great, but is it worth living at least the other half of your life in hell?
By the time we're done investing in things we can't control, we often don't have the energy left to invest in ourselves. But how would you feel if you weren't constantly let down by those situations? Peaceful? Free? Apathy about things we can't control is liberating and frees our attention to focus on ourselves.
Antidepressants can be phenomenal...if you have the right doctor who is concerned for your care and not financial kickbacks from pharmaceutical companies. But it is a life preserver only. They can help you stay afloat, but they will not teach you how to swim! For me, I would have drowned during the time I was learning how to cope with life without them. Lexapro kept my head above water while I learned how to go with the flow and paddle along, and ultimately, that's what we need. Not to get by in life, but to live it, fully engaged.
Right above this post Willybluedog talks about much of what I just blathered on about. Sorry, I'm not very economic with my words. But he gives excellent advice! While he recognized he may not control his environment or employer, he could discipline himself and affect any consequences of his employer's behavior!
You may have missed out on discipline as a child, as I did. I don't mean punishment or abuse, I mean true discipline, a training regimen used to instruct and mold mental, moral, and behavioral characteristics. Out of proper discipline, we learn to discipline ourselves. Out of self-discipline we can weigh ourselves objectively and measure how well we've spent our efforts. I really believe this is where true self-esteem comes from.
Do you know what aspects of your life you can and can't control? Any time we build expectations for situations we can't control, we put ourselves in danger of being let down, frustrated, angry, etc. "She SHOULD stop acting so negatively." "The light SHOULDN'T stay red for so long." These kinds of expectations can literally drive us insane. When these expectations play out in our favor it feels great, but is it worth living at least the other half of your life in hell?
By the time we're done investing in things we can't control, we often don't have the energy left to invest in ourselves. But how would you feel if you weren't constantly let down by those situations? Peaceful? Free? Apathy about things we can't control is liberating and frees our attention to focus on ourselves.
Antidepressants can be phenomenal...if you have the right doctor who is concerned for your care and not financial kickbacks from pharmaceutical companies. But it is a life preserver only. They can help you stay afloat, but they will not teach you how to swim! For me, I would have drowned during the time I was learning how to cope with life without them. Lexapro kept my head above water while I learned how to go with the flow and paddle along, and ultimately, that's what we need. Not to get by in life, but to live it, fully engaged.
Right above this post Willybluedog talks about much of what I just blathered on about. Sorry, I'm not very economic with my words. But he gives excellent advice! While he recognized he may not control his environment or employer, he could discipline himself and affect any consequences of his employer's behavior!
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