phoebe64

So, several years ago, I had some panic and anxiety issues. I had spells, i think they were real, where my heart did a blip, and I nearly passed out. I have had medical tests, etc... and nothing found. So, it is labelled anxiety. Sigh.

Well, whatever that was, does and has caused me anxiety, but anyway. What happens is when I get edgy, I get afradi to go out. I am afraid it will happen and i will be alone somewhere, no help, etc...

i am usually in control and fine, but with the not drinking this week, my nerves are edgy.

I really have errands to do, and should go see my dad. he is in a nursing home with dementia. That is the thing i often skip, poor dad. It was when he had a cardiac crisis that i began this anxiety stuff. So seeing him can bring it around. On a bad day, I just do not go there. yet in some ways, I feel safe once I am there, because there are nurses if I feel weird.

Ugh. Anyone else struggle with this, and moreso related to quitting drinking? I know I self medicate my edginess with wine. it is very soothing for a few hours...

I could take come colazepam, but I really try to be tough. I hate how tired it makes me and I don't want ot be driving like that. I don't drink and drive. Though i let my husband drink and drive me, duh. Another story...

Feeling edgy on day 3. Need ot get some stuff done though.

rochele

logicalparadox

Yes, so much so.

Drinking for awhile masked how insecure I was to everyone. Fast forward years later and it's what I depended on every day to do almost everything. Obviously that didn't turn out well. :/

Right now I really am not going anywhere I don't have to. I really need to look for a second job but I'm soo soo anxious I can't seem to get myself out to apply, uggh. I have pep talks w/myself before even walking into class. So I feel your pain. All I keep telling myself is that I have to face this and start to learn how to deal with the reasons behind my social anxiety. It's insane b/c I used to go out and work in bars/music venues and it's just soo outside of my comfort zone. I sometimes feel like I have to learn who I really am and what I actually like now without the mask alcohol and drugs provided. Not exactly a comforting notion at 28.

Have you ever met with a therapist? I am sure others will have a lot of better ideas b/c I'm still really new in trying to deal with this (and my method = being a hermit, so I surely can't suggest that!) Try looking into some grounding exercises:
Grounding Techniques

sugarbear1

Your nerves aren't numb, know that you are healing. You can get through what you need to do, I'm rooting for ya! Give time time.

Do you have a program of recovery? People to talk with??

Best wishes,

phoebe64

No program or paln, other than to stop drinking wine(well everything, but that is my vice), work at getting into the gym, and nurturing my children and dad.

I am going out to a party tonight. I am doing it because alot of nice women will be there. Ones i would like ot get to know better. While it iwll be a cocktail party, i have promised a neighbor I will be her DD. Makes that part a snap.

Part of what led me to relapse was the stress of caring for my dad's sister, right after getting through a terribly frightening time with my health(that I got back on track), in the midst of trying to live a new sober life. it was too soon for my world to be rocked.

Part of an honest plan with people in real everyday life is keeping it, right? I hate failing, and hate more if everyone knows. So, trying ot motivate myself and my plan is to come here everyday to mark my days and be accountable to someone.

So, in my real life, it is a private journey, with some people knwoing I try to not drink because I have diabetes and try to be healthy. About 4 people know I had a liver scare as part of all of that. They do not know how much I drank.

There is my big plan.

Not.

rochele

Anna

I think that recovery is a personal journey, too and I don't talk about my alcoholism with people I know. And, I do find that coming to SR on a daily basis always inspires me to be a better person and to continue my recovery journey.

Personally, I wasn't comfortable being around alcohol for quite awhile when I stopped drinking. But, since you're driving, you have a way out if things get tough.

phoebe64

Yeah, last time I was hibernating form anything social with drinking for a couple of months, aside from Thanksgiving of 2010. But this time, I feel more ready? I just do. I have known with every drink, I needed ot get back on track, and there are times I do go out and not drink. Partly because a few folks do know I should not, so it helps keep me honest.

The flipside si the isolation i am in due to the caregiving and stress with my aunt, dad, and then drinking and mild depression over all of it. I need ot get out and have fun, to stop the entire cycle.

So I guess I do have a plan. I know i need ot get out, have fun, make friends. SO, this is how I can do it.

phoebe64

And if I stay home I will be around alcohol anyway. My dh will have his 2 beers tonight, like clockwork, after the exercise routine, while he watches TV. Sometimes it is 3 on a Thursday. Friday and saturday at least 5.

freshstart57

Rochele, I was under care of my doctor, a psychiatrist and a therapist for my depression and anxiety. I stopped needing to see them when I stopped drinking because that was when my symptoms went away. Phhhht. Gone. I was terrified of giving up alcohol, but after only 4 or 5 days, I knew that I had made the right decision.

I suggest you decide that no wine is far far better than any. It's worth a try, and I think that you are worth it too. What do you think?

2granddaughters

rochele, do you go to AA meetings?


A recent study showed that 90% of alcoholics questioned have anxiety/people problems..... and the other 10% are liars.

phoebe64

2 granddaughters, I think I have answerred a few times that I do not go to meetings. And stated it in this very thread. Ummm, I just stopped drinking 3 days ago.

No doubt alcohol has played into my anxiety in life. But I had it as a baseline. Runs in the family, and moreso on the alcoholic side, go figure...

NewBeginning010

I have been battling with anxiety & panic attacks for years and even thought that alcohol was helping me to cover it up.

I was pleasantly surprised to find that both my anxiety & panic attacks are far less since quitting alcohol.

All of the best in your recovery & to your father.

Take Care ~ NB

2granddaughters

Sorry rochele, I'm getting close to 70 and I can't remember things like I used to... your join date said Dec 2010 so I didn't grasp the 3 days sober.

Wishing you the best.
Bob R

justhadenough

This has been my experience too. I have also started taking vitamins. As well as the multi and vit B complex I'm taking a GLA EPO plus fish oil which are supposed to help and worth a try.