Been awhile.....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 69
Been awhile.....
Hello all...been awhile since I've posted. Things with my EXABF and our son are going pretty well. He's been getting him every other weekend and so far so good.
On another note, I have been seeing someone for the past 2 months who was an addict but has been clean for 4 years. (he has been up front about everything while he was using). I can't help but have this thought in the back of my mind wondering if I'm going to end up going down the same road with current BF that I did with EXABF...He's a great guy, we get along and I love being with him. I have always been one not to let past relationships interfere with how I feel about a new/current one. Current BF still attends meetings, etc...so that gives me a good sense that he wants to continue to live a clean & sober life as he has told me.
I guess I'm kind of feeling a bit of guilt that I even have this thought in the back of my mind because, like I said, I don't like to judge current situtations based on past experiences with other people.
I'm not sure if I came here to ask a question or to just put my feelings into words, but here it is anyways...lol
On another note, I have been seeing someone for the past 2 months who was an addict but has been clean for 4 years. (he has been up front about everything while he was using). I can't help but have this thought in the back of my mind wondering if I'm going to end up going down the same road with current BF that I did with EXABF...He's a great guy, we get along and I love being with him. I have always been one not to let past relationships interfere with how I feel about a new/current one. Current BF still attends meetings, etc...so that gives me a good sense that he wants to continue to live a clean & sober life as he has told me.
I guess I'm kind of feeling a bit of guilt that I even have this thought in the back of my mind because, like I said, I don't like to judge current situtations based on past experiences with other people.
I'm not sure if I came here to ask a question or to just put my feelings into words, but here it is anyways...lol
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Originally Posted by tallgirl77 
I have always been one not to let past relationships interfere with how I feel about a new/current one.
Your most recent BF was not completely honest about his past. People rewrite their history all the time and no one is completely honest about their past.
Clean for 4 years means different things to different people, at different times. Clean from all substances including alcohol? Clean from his DOC? Clean, except for the major relapse that slipped his mind? Lots of people attend meetings which is not the same thing as being in recovery or even clean and sober.
2 months is not a lot of time, especially when there are children involved.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 69
Originally Posted by outtolunch
You are the common link in all your past relationships. Your relationship with yourself is the most important.
Your most recent BF was not completely honest about his past. People rewrite their history all the time and no one is completely honest about their past.
Clean for 4 years means different things to different people, at different times. Clean from all substances including alcohol? Clean from his DOC? Clean, except for the major relapse that slipped his mind? Lots of people attend meetings which is not the same thing as being in recovery or even clean and sober.
2 months is not a lot of time, especially when there are children involved.
Your most recent BF was not completely honest about his past. People rewrite their history all the time and no one is completely honest about their past.
Clean for 4 years means different things to different people, at different times. Clean from all substances including alcohol? Clean from his DOC? Clean, except for the major relapse that slipped his mind? Lots of people attend meetings which is not the same thing as being in recovery or even clean and sober.
2 months is not a lot of time, especially when there are children involved.
As kindeyes said, I'm taking it one day at a time. I have not yet involved my children in the relationship and do not plan on doing so until I feel comfortable. I've got my guard up...that's for sure. I've told him about my experience with being in a relationship with an addict. I also told him I am willing to support him in his sobriety...if I feel like I'm heading down the same path as with my exabf then I'm out...no if's, and's or but's about it.
One day at a time......
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: SouthEast
Posts: 159
2 months has not given you much time to get to know him - so just take it day by day as you said and enjoy, as was stated time will tell.....
I do know a down and out living on the streets that did turn his life around. He continued the program and meetings and kept his sponsor for many years. He now has been clean and sober for almost 20 years, never a relapse, has 2 gifted daughters that are home schooled - both are dually enrolled in high school and college. Great job and a great life. He told me that if any one told him 20+ years ago this life could be his he would have never believed them. Wife knows his past but I am waiting to so what if anything he will tell the daughters.
He now has an AS and a good job, great family. Although he started his family late (he is 59 now with teens lol!) he has worked hard to stay sober.
The other is a woman that was very much into drugs and almost lost her only daughter. She was never in trouble with the law, so now that she has turned her life around (starting when she was in her 40's) she has a high ranking job ($200 a year) and a BA! nice home on the coast and a daughter with an MA degree.
Both people came from poverty (no excuse for drug use) and now have really good jobs, families, and sober friends.
It can be done if THEY want it, so don't mark him off, just keep your eyes open!
I do know a down and out living on the streets that did turn his life around. He continued the program and meetings and kept his sponsor for many years. He now has been clean and sober for almost 20 years, never a relapse, has 2 gifted daughters that are home schooled - both are dually enrolled in high school and college. Great job and a great life. He told me that if any one told him 20+ years ago this life could be his he would have never believed them. Wife knows his past but I am waiting to so what if anything he will tell the daughters.
He now has an AS and a good job, great family. Although he started his family late (he is 59 now with teens lol!) he has worked hard to stay sober.
The other is a woman that was very much into drugs and almost lost her only daughter. She was never in trouble with the law, so now that she has turned her life around (starting when she was in her 40's) she has a high ranking job ($200 a year) and a BA! nice home on the coast and a daughter with an MA degree.
Both people came from poverty (no excuse for drug use) and now have really good jobs, families, and sober friends.
It can be done if THEY want it, so don't mark him off, just keep your eyes open!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
