Scared for my son
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Illinois
Posts: 10
Scared for my son
Long story short. My 31 year old son has lived out of state for the last two years so this really blindesided me. He has always drank but I didn't know to what extent. Wife leaves, lost his job (drinking at work). Decides he needs to come back to his hometown where all his family is. A freind goes to pick him up (24 hour drive) and gets about eight hours into the trip and my son basically goes crazy. Thinks the friend is killing him, tried to take the wheel of the vehicle, just basically going nuts. Seems he had not had anything to drink and the withdrawal starts. Freind kicks him out of the car, calls 911, waits for my son to be picked up, and he is taken to a local hospital. He tries to stangle a nurse (this is normally a gentle person) has to be sedated and restrained in the bed. He remains in ICU for 9 days, in restraints for 8 of them. Was in critical condition. Not real familiar but ammonia level was very high and that was adding to the dementia. He is going to be released tomorrow (day 13). Will not go to rehab. His father (we're divorced) and I found a place that would take him for 28 days, even offered to pay for it, he won't go. We have arranged for a cab to pick him up at the hospital and take him to the bus station where there is a prepaid ticket back to where we live.
I feel terrible, but I told him not even to call me when he gets back.
I've done what I can do. I will not watch him die. If he can't help himself, why should we? Just plain sad.
I feel terrible, but I told him not even to call me when he gets back.
I've done what I can do. I will not watch him die. If he can't help himself, why should we? Just plain sad.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Hi Justplainsad, Welcome to SR!
I'm so sorry to hear about your son. I completely understand what you are experiencing...many of us do. You are among people now who have been there and can offer you support.
My stepson was hospitalized for 2 weeks back in 2008, went through DT's (the hallucinations, etc.), we were told he had a 50/50 shot of making it through withdrawals, jaundice, and alcoholic hepatitis. Once he left the hospital, his father offered to pay for in-patient rehab and Jr. refused and then turned to crack. He finally asked him to leave, and we have had peace, for the most part, ever since.
My stepson is still alive, lives in another town in this state, still makes questionable choices, but they are his to make and handle.
Please make yourself at home. Read all you can. The "stickies" at the top of each forum contain a lot of valuable, basic information.
Welcome!! You have found a great place! HG
I'm so sorry to hear about your son. I completely understand what you are experiencing...many of us do. You are among people now who have been there and can offer you support.
My stepson was hospitalized for 2 weeks back in 2008, went through DT's (the hallucinations, etc.), we were told he had a 50/50 shot of making it through withdrawals, jaundice, and alcoholic hepatitis. Once he left the hospital, his father offered to pay for in-patient rehab and Jr. refused and then turned to crack. He finally asked him to leave, and we have had peace, for the most part, ever since.
My stepson is still alive, lives in another town in this state, still makes questionable choices, but they are his to make and handle.
Please make yourself at home. Read all you can. The "stickies" at the top of each forum contain a lot of valuable, basic information.
Welcome!! You have found a great place! HG
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
WELCOME (((((Justplainsad))))) You have found a really great site.
Your son is 2 years younger than I was when my parents said NO MORE. If I called, they would hang up, if I came to the door it would be shut in my face, and if I attempted to steal from them the police would be called. They meant it.
It took me another 2 1/2 years to find recovery and the last 1 1/2 years I lived on the streets of Hollywood. I was 3 weeks shy of my 36th birthday when I found sobriety. That was 30+ years ago.
I was about 3 years sober when I was finally earning a bit of their trust back and I asked my mom what finally made her do it. What finally made her 'cut me off' and go no contact. She replied that she and my dad and other family members had reached the end of their rope. That if they continued to be on my 'roller coaster' ride they would both end up in padded cells for the rest of their life. They literally had to let go or be dragged. Neither one had heard about Alanon back then.
For many years now, I have stated, not discounting all the 'perks' my parents gave me, the good schools, etc that THE BEST THING THEY EVER DID FOR ME was SET ME FREE. I was told "this is YOUR PROBLEM YOU FIX IT!"
I know you feel bad, this will get easier to a degree. Please get yourself a copy of "Co Dependent No More" by Melodie Beattie, as there is a lot of great incite in that book. Please read it with a 'highlighter' in hand, lol
You might also like to give Alanon a shot. If you do, we suggest at least 6 different meetings before making up your mind. And/or there is one on one counseling with an addiction specialist.
There are 'stickys' at the top of this forum, please read them for your own info. There are also some great threads.
Know that there is quite a bit of Experience, Strength, and Hope (ES&H) on this site, feel free to use it. Feel free to vent, rant, rave, scream, cry and yes even laugh.
Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing as we do care so very much.
Love and hugs,
My 31 year old son has lived out of state for the last two years so this really blindesided me.............................................I feel terrible, but I told him not even to call me when he gets back.
It took me another 2 1/2 years to find recovery and the last 1 1/2 years I lived on the streets of Hollywood. I was 3 weeks shy of my 36th birthday when I found sobriety. That was 30+ years ago.
I was about 3 years sober when I was finally earning a bit of their trust back and I asked my mom what finally made her do it. What finally made her 'cut me off' and go no contact. She replied that she and my dad and other family members had reached the end of their rope. That if they continued to be on my 'roller coaster' ride they would both end up in padded cells for the rest of their life. They literally had to let go or be dragged. Neither one had heard about Alanon back then.
For many years now, I have stated, not discounting all the 'perks' my parents gave me, the good schools, etc that THE BEST THING THEY EVER DID FOR ME was SET ME FREE. I was told "this is YOUR PROBLEM YOU FIX IT!"
I know you feel bad, this will get easier to a degree. Please get yourself a copy of "Co Dependent No More" by Melodie Beattie, as there is a lot of great incite in that book. Please read it with a 'highlighter' in hand, lol
You might also like to give Alanon a shot. If you do, we suggest at least 6 different meetings before making up your mind. And/or there is one on one counseling with an addiction specialist.
There are 'stickys' at the top of this forum, please read them for your own info. There are also some great threads.
Know that there is quite a bit of Experience, Strength, and Hope (ES&H) on this site, feel free to use it. Feel free to vent, rant, rave, scream, cry and yes even laugh.
Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing as we do care so very much.
Love and hugs,
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
I agree you have done all you could and it is not fair for you to watch him die.
((Hugs))
I understand the impotence feeling, in my case an ex boyfriend, who is also still active (he is 30). It is indeed very sad, but we have to respect their decisions as grown ups.
I keep a distance from the ex as well, a lot of complex feelings: guilt, anger, sadness but also a sense of freedom as his problem was consuming me also.
We have to keep our sanity otherwise the addiction takes our mental and physical health, as well.
((Hugs))
((Hugs))
I understand the impotence feeling, in my case an ex boyfriend, who is also still active (he is 30). It is indeed very sad, but we have to respect their decisions as grown ups.
I keep a distance from the ex as well, a lot of complex feelings: guilt, anger, sadness but also a sense of freedom as his problem was consuming me also.
We have to keep our sanity otherwise the addiction takes our mental and physical health, as well.
((Hugs))
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
I agree you have done all you could and it is not fair for you to watch him die.
I understand the impotence feeling, in my case an ex boyfriend, who is also still active (he is 30). It is indeed very sad, but we have to respect their decisions as grown ups.
I keep a distance from the ex as well, a lot of complex feelings: guilt, anger, sadness but also a sense of freedom as his problem was consuming me also.
We have to keep our sanity otherwise the addiction takes our mental and physical health, as well.
((Hugs)) let us know how you are doing.
I understand the impotence feeling, in my case an ex boyfriend, who is also still active (he is 30). It is indeed very sad, but we have to respect their decisions as grown ups.
I keep a distance from the ex as well, a lot of complex feelings: guilt, anger, sadness but also a sense of freedom as his problem was consuming me also.
We have to keep our sanity otherwise the addiction takes our mental and physical health, as well.
((Hugs)) let us know how you are doing.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 11
Originally Posted by Justplainsad 
Long story short. My 31 year old son has lived out of state for the last two years so this really blindesided me. He has always drank but I didn't know to what extent. Wife leaves, lost his job (drinking at work). Decides he needs to come back to his hometown where all his family is. A freind goes to pick him up (24 hour drive) and gets about eight hours into the trip and my son basically goes crazy. Thinks the friend is killing him, tried to take the wheel of the vehicle, just basically going nuts. Seems he had not had anything to drink and the withdrawal starts. Freind kicks him out of the car, calls 911, waits for my son to be picked up, and he is taken to a local hospital. He tries to stangle a nurse (this is normally a gentle person) has to be sedated and restrained in the bed. He remains in ICU for 9 days, in restraints for 8 of them. Was in critical condition. Not real familiar but ammonia level was very high and that was adding to the dementia. He is going to be released tomorrow (day 13). Will not go to rehab. His father (we're divorced) and I found a place that would take him for 28 days, even offered to pay for it, he won't go. We have arranged for a cab to pick him up at the hospital and take him to the bus station where there is a prepaid ticket back to where we live.
I feel terrible, but I told him not even to call me when he gets back.
I've done what I can do. I will not watch him die. If he can't help himself, why should we? Just plain sad.
I feel terrible, but I told him not even to call me when he gets back.
I've done what I can do. I will not watch him die. If he can't help himself, why should we? Just plain sad.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Illinois
Posts: 10
Just need to post this. Its been a few months since I have visited this site.
My son got back to his hometown, was given a roof over his head by a friend.
I would talk to him at first, but the better he felt, the more sure I was that he was either drinking or about to start drinking again, which, of course, he did.
He died two weeks ago from a esophageal variceal hemorrhage. I'm beyond sad.
I don't think the '"tough love" approach worked too well with him. I think he was very lonely, but maybe he was alone so he could drink without anyone bothering him about it.
I beleive the major damage was done when he spent the time in the hospital and his only hope was to quit drinking forever. I really doubt he knew he was in such bad shape.
I doubt this is going to make me feel any better but I just felt I had to write it.
I wish our loved ones knew just how much we want them to get better. Its not that we are against them. As I said in my original post, I just didn't want to watch him die.
My son got back to his hometown, was given a roof over his head by a friend.
I would talk to him at first, but the better he felt, the more sure I was that he was either drinking or about to start drinking again, which, of course, he did.
He died two weeks ago from a esophageal variceal hemorrhage. I'm beyond sad.
I don't think the '"tough love" approach worked too well with him. I think he was very lonely, but maybe he was alone so he could drink without anyone bothering him about it.
I beleive the major damage was done when he spent the time in the hospital and his only hope was to quit drinking forever. I really doubt he knew he was in such bad shape.
I doubt this is going to make me feel any better but I just felt I had to write it.
I wish our loved ones knew just how much we want them to get better. Its not that we are against them. As I said in my original post, I just didn't want to watch him die.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: US and Canada
Posts: 15
<<< Justplainsad >>> My prayers and thoughts go out to you.
I lost my husband in March this year to gastrointestinal hemmhorage because of alchoholism. He lost his own two sons to alcohol as well.
I pray you find some peace even as you sorrow over the loss of your son. I hope you can find many good memories to hold dear in your heart, and know that he is now safe in loving arms, free from what tormented him in this world. Those things are what I hold onto, and I hope they work for you as well.
I lost my husband in March this year to gastrointestinal hemmhorage because of alchoholism. He lost his own two sons to alcohol as well.
I pray you find some peace even as you sorrow over the loss of your son. I hope you can find many good memories to hold dear in your heart, and know that he is now safe in loving arms, free from what tormented him in this world. Those things are what I hold onto, and I hope they work for you as well.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
I am so very sorry for the loss of your beloved son. My son is the same age and is very lost in his addiction. It's hard to believe that they don't realize how very much their lives mean to the others who love them. It is always heartbreaking when this disease takes anyone but particularly the young.
You and your family are in my prayers.
gentle hugs
ke
You and your family are in my prayers.
gentle hugs
ke
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
