Boundary work...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 49
Boundary work...
In spite of the panic, pain, and fear after my first attempt at maintaining a safe boundary for myself and it resulting in my heroin addicted gf getting assaulted over the weekend when she left - i've done it again. Heartbreakingly.
She's continued to use, and lie to me about it. Going so far as to try and convince me by showing me her clean UA results from the last couple days...yet those results mean nothing to me when i've seen what's right in front of my face. I remember someone saying to me here that their opiate addict had somehow managed to keep using and still pass his UA's...which i understand isn't the easiest thing to do, but obviously she's done it.
We've barely spoken a kind word in the last 3 days since she's been high, but this morning i came home from work and got to see her wake up looking beautifully rough, yet clear. Her eyes actually dilated for the first time since Saturday afternoon. I was so, so happy to see HER. But it lasted about 15 minutes. She went to take the dog for a walk before heading to catch the bus for her out-patient group this afternoon...and she was gone a long time...and i knew why.
She came in, and was avoiding eye contact. When i saw her eyes, there it was. That constricted dead look, the color in her face gone...and i told her she couldn't come back when she was done, and asked her to please leave her house key. She cried, i cried, she left her key and left.
My heart aches so ******* bad, but i don't want to be with her when she's using. She's not who i chose to be with, fell in love with, laugh, share, and have fun with when she's using...i don't even know her. I can't keep living with this thing that has squashed the life out of my beloved...
Thanks for listening. <3
She's continued to use, and lie to me about it. Going so far as to try and convince me by showing me her clean UA results from the last couple days...yet those results mean nothing to me when i've seen what's right in front of my face. I remember someone saying to me here that their opiate addict had somehow managed to keep using and still pass his UA's...which i understand isn't the easiest thing to do, but obviously she's done it.
We've barely spoken a kind word in the last 3 days since she's been high, but this morning i came home from work and got to see her wake up looking beautifully rough, yet clear. Her eyes actually dilated for the first time since Saturday afternoon. I was so, so happy to see HER. But it lasted about 15 minutes. She went to take the dog for a walk before heading to catch the bus for her out-patient group this afternoon...and she was gone a long time...and i knew why.
She came in, and was avoiding eye contact. When i saw her eyes, there it was. That constricted dead look, the color in her face gone...and i told her she couldn't come back when she was done, and asked her to please leave her house key. She cried, i cried, she left her key and left.
My heart aches so ******* bad, but i don't want to be with her when she's using. She's not who i chose to be with, fell in love with, laugh, share, and have fun with when she's using...i don't even know her. I can't keep living with this thing that has squashed the life out of my beloved...
Thanks for listening. <3
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
I'm right there with you, my friend. Had to let my son go (for real this time) today and it hurts like a searing hot poker in my heart.
Good thing we can come here and be with others who understand.
Heroin is the most powerful force I've ever witnessed up close. Very humbling.
(((Hugs)))
Good thing we can come here and be with others who understand.
Heroin is the most powerful force I've ever witnessed up close. Very humbling.
(((Hugs)))
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
(((HUGS)))
that's is very painful stuff ~ my thoughts and prayers are with you!
please please give yourself extra tender care as you go thru this time of grief ~ you deserve it.
Please consider looking at it from a point of view that not only have you taken good care of you in this relationship, but you have also given your partner the choice to find her self-respect and dignity to find HER way to healthier way of life, should she choose to take it ~ That my friend is a great gift!
PINK HUGS,
Rita
that's is very painful stuff ~ my thoughts and prayers are with you!
please please give yourself extra tender care as you go thru this time of grief ~ you deserve it.
Please consider looking at it from a point of view that not only have you taken good care of you in this relationship, but you have also given your partner the choice to find her self-respect and dignity to find HER way to healthier way of life, should she choose to take it ~ That my friend is a great gift!
PINK HUGS,
Rita
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 49
Originally Posted by tjp613 
Heroin is the most powerful force I've ever witnessed up close. Very humbling.
I was reading your thread as well
and know i'm thinking about you.We're gonna make it through all this, one step at a time. Hang in there. <3
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: SouthEast
Posts: 159
(((missgardenarm)))
I am so sorry you (and all of us) are going through this pain. The sad and ugly truth is that the user must find their life so unbearable that THEY want a different life.
I have tried, tired, and tried and thought my son was at rock bottom, but I guess not, he did not stop drugs.
They will lie to you, steal your last dime, manipulate you into helping them and all of our good intentions will not get them off drugs until THEY really want to help themselves. All she is capable of thinking of at this point is getting high.
Your life will be easier for you if she is not physically living in your home. Learn to detach and it is amazing that THEN you can listen to them and not get as emotionally involved.
It doesn't mean that you have to stop loving her, it means that you also love yourself! I also believe she may love you, but it is clear she loves the drug more. It is the most important thing in their lives while they are using.
I personally know 2 addicts that have turned their lives around and now have great jobs and are great parents. One lived a hard life living on the streets and lengthy jail time started his recovery. It is posssible but THEY have to really want to be clean and sober, we can't do it for them.
Take care of yourself!
I am so sorry you (and all of us) are going through this pain. The sad and ugly truth is that the user must find their life so unbearable that THEY want a different life.
I have tried, tired, and tried and thought my son was at rock bottom, but I guess not, he did not stop drugs.
They will lie to you, steal your last dime, manipulate you into helping them and all of our good intentions will not get them off drugs until THEY really want to help themselves. All she is capable of thinking of at this point is getting high.
Your life will be easier for you if she is not physically living in your home. Learn to detach and it is amazing that THEN you can listen to them and not get as emotionally involved.
It doesn't mean that you have to stop loving her, it means that you also love yourself! I also believe she may love you, but it is clear she loves the drug more. It is the most important thing in their lives while they are using.
I personally know 2 addicts that have turned their lives around and now have great jobs and are great parents. One lived a hard life living on the streets and lengthy jail time started his recovery. It is posssible but THEY have to really want to be clean and sober, we can't do it for them.
Take care of yourself!
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