WendyOWilliams

Ok i am moving into an apartment in a new city. I will be keeping my current house and letting my son live there while I'm away. I still have some of exRABF's things - nothing vital but things I know he'll want back.

I want to contact him to tell him to come get these things (too big to mail) but I wonder if I'm just setting a codie-contact trap. If they were that important, he would come get them on his own. But if I keep them for him and don't say anything I'd have to store them outside where it's very likely they'll get ruined eventually.

Contact him to get his things with minimal interaction, or no contact and store them with risk of ruin? What would a normal human do here?

dollydo

If he wanted his things he would have already gotten them. Since your son will be living in your home why do you need to do anything..I am sure that there is a small corner his stuff can remain.

Me, I'd get rid of all his stuff, I am not a storage unit.

Pelican

"I need you to pick up the remainder of your belongings.
Please make arrangements to remove the items by ______________ (insert date).
If you haven't picked them up by that date, I will assume the items are no longer wanted."

WendyOWilliams

Honestly we have very limited storage space and I'm tired of his junk occupying my limited space.

LifeRecovery

I struggled with this and wish I had done with Pelican wrote.

I did do it last week about some mail.

You might be able to wait until after you leave the house though???? I don't know if that is a safe option for your son or not.

fourmaggie

I was wondering how long its been for having these things? if its been more than a month...time to detach and give them to the garbage man...its a HOLD thing youwant...a reason to contact him for what ever reason...

i got rid of all my A's the week after he left...whats done is done...case closed

dollydo

So toss his stuff and forget about it and him.

StarCat

In my situation, I boxed up XABF's things and hired an inexpensive moving van. I let XABF know the date and approximate time range when his belongings would be arriving. He emailed back a hurt message saying to get rid of anything I didn't want to keep, and so with the support of a therapist I sent back a short letter saying that they were coming and that if he didn't accept delivery it would be donated to the Salvation Army and the tax deduction form sent to his house for the next year's taxes.
I signed two sets of papers confirming delivery in advance - once to XABF's mother's house and once to the Salvation Army (which happened to be right next to the moving truck's home office so they were very accommodating with that). I paid in advance, and gave him some extra for a tip just in case there was trouble (there wasn't - his mother accepted delivery).

XABF had very bad health, partially due to smoking (he had quit before I knew him due to these complications) and partially due to exacerbation of his lung problems with the extra consumption of alcohol. Hiring a moving van cost me almost $200, but it got them to his residence without me having to see him, and it got them there without me feeling guilty about relying upon a man with bad lungs to move it all into the house - the moving guy could take it wherever XABF wanted it to go, even upstairs.

I decided that my piece of mind was worth $200, and I'd use this approach again if the same circumstances presented themselves.

Ultimately, the decision comes down to "What answer can you live with?" If you can live with yourself if you throw it all in a dumpster, then do that. If you'd feel more comfortable selling it on e-Bay, then either keeping the proceeds or mailing the profits to him, then do that. It's whatever you're comfortable with at the end of the day, whatever you need to do to regain your space and your life while having a good argument to use with that extra-guilty voice that keeps us trapped for so long..