jwolf

I messed up last night. I gave in and drank. The guilt I feel today is overwhelming. I tried to fight it. All day I kept telling myself that I wasn't going to drink but as night came I started justifying it in my mind by telling myself that I didn't have a problem. Why in the heck would I have thought that??? I DO have a problem!!!! I am such an idiot. My husband went to a bar last night for the SuperBowl to promote his company. I knew I should have stayed home. ARGH!!! I saw all of those people drinking and having fun and I was so jealous. Now I know that I CANNOT go to places like that. Not EVER!!!

So here I am, back at day ONE.

Dazee

Hi jwolf,
Sorry you are feeling this way. I slipped a week ago and felt much the same way. Getting back on track will help you feel better. Take care. We all make mistakes. Hating yourself can make things worse.

ownmybehavior

I'm sorry jwolf for what happened and how you feel. I myself came as close as I have in the last 19 days. I tell you that if I wasn't at home on my couch with no access I would've caved also. My mind was working overtime rationalizing.

As you well know, there's nothing that any of us can say to make you feel better. Only time will do that.

Please know though that you are not alone. I have been in your exact same situation before and know exactly how you feel.

Try to be strong and start over with SR support.

Best Wishes

LindseyMarie

Hi JWolf, I'm sorry you slipped, it happens to the best of us. I am always trying to tell myself that I don't have a problem, that I just got carried away, one or two wont kill me, etc., it just isn't the truth though. Climb back on & don't beat yourself up

langkah

Alcohol can look it's most tempting among people doing it correctly. Watching people do it badly (the way I generally drank) is not attractive.

If everyone in the bar yesterday had a line of puke running down their shirts, had gone through their money and couldn't speak well enough to beg a drink off of you then drinking might not have struck you as such a wonderful idea. But, seeing people having a few while having a good time leads us to momentarily believe that's possible for us too, for the time it takes to get the first couple down.

After that it's a different experience for us and often for those around us. Very quickly we don't make drinking look at all attractive to normal drinkers. Our behavior makes us excellent anti-alcohol advertisements, and when we're in full flower we probably help many normal drinkers decide NOT to have those last couple of drinks.

Who knows, last night you may have made the difference between some normal drinkers driving home impaired or not.

Nothing left to do but to try again as soon as you can.

ElegantlyWasted

Make sure you're ready for those situations... Most importantly don't beat yourself up. I got through the SB only because I had a prearranged script, rehearsed it, and stuck to it. I also sought advice about whether or not to go at all from fellow members here at SR. Bouncing Ideas of other people for me right now is very important and most people here have "been there done that" with varying results. What I got from my post was either 1)don't go or 2) if you do make sure you actually have a plan and be committed to stick to it. I picked #2 and it worked. Just my experience. What do you think you need to do so that will not happen again? The solution can be different for different people, I think its a matter of being honest with yourself and trying stuff until it works. Just my 2 cents.

Dee74

Try and not beat yourself up too much Jwolf. There's no real point in doing that
Just chalk it up to experience and move on.

We all made mistakes - it doesn't mean we're hopeless, or we're doomed, or we have to live as hermits apart from the human race.

I think patience is vital for recovery - I know I wanted to just be done with it all, I didn't want to have to think about not going to bars, or being bothered by others drinking - I just wanted to resume my life and never want to drink again...fixed....but it doesn't exactly work that way for most of us

Learning to live sober takes time - it's an entirely new skill to learn - but it's worth it.

Welcome back
D

Hevyn

The main thing is you're back jwolf. I did this many times - but it always meant binging for weeks. You've come back to report what happened, that's huge. Maybe you'll be filled with even more resolve now.

dorito281211

Hang in there kid... I gotta admit it was strange being around THAT much booze last night too. But at the same time it was interesting seeing how much normal people dont drink lol
Get back on that horse girl and get to a meeting if you haven't already

MentalLoop

Wow me too! Last weekend, we had guests over for dinner. My wife, and three other adults. I was the only non-drinker, but I thought of myself as a good host. I had a bottle of champagne to toast, and purchased about 6 bottles of wine for the rest of the evening. I opened the bottle of champagne, and corked two bottles of red to breathe.....surely 4 drinking adults can handle that.

By the end of the evening, i had three half bottles opened. Talk about a rude awakening..........to this very moment, i know if I was drinking, all three would have been finished, plus the other two I didn't get a chance to open. For those keeping count, this alcoholic always bought (I guess buys) enough liquor for the evening, plus two spare for .....well.......i guess the next day!

Man - normal people really don't drink that much. Genuinely, i was shocked!

jocata

At least you are back and ready to try again. I've had to learn the hard way that I can't drink like normal people either. Had to have that pounded into me.

Just learn from it and strengthen your resolve.

God bless.

artsoul

I was amazed, too, how easy it was to forget the severity of my issues with alcohol during those first few weeks. Maybe it's because we bought into that alcoholic "logic" in our heads for so long.....

At least you know your limitations now - that's a good thing. Thanks for posting - you're going to be OK!

Jitterbugg

I stayed home and watched the Superbowl alone....but sober. I really dont think I could have gone to a bar with that great Superbowl fever atmosphere and stayed sober. First Superbowl in 15 years i didnt drink.

jwolf

Just wanted to say THANK YOU to every one of you who responded. You guys really lifted me up!!! I haven't been actively on here in a few days....I have my kids this week and between them and working full time I have barely had a minute to spare....BUT, I am very happy to say that I am on day 5!! I really think I learned from my slip up last Sunday. Feeling sober feels too good to screw up again!!!!

phoebe64

I am reading this thread and had nearly the exact same thoughts! I had a party and started with water for awhile. Finally caved and then the wine sure was moving faster. Hmmm... And funny how I had to have just a little of that white bottle that was unopened, just so I could finish it off on Monday eve.

So sorry you fell off the wagon, jwolf. BTDT. I had several months sober last year. Then thought I could just enjoy some occasionally, until it was everyday the past few months(more often than not).

Rochele

Hevyn

We're walking beside you, jwolf. You can do this.