Slight Depression/Humble Optimism
Slight Depression/Humble Optimism
I am finishing day 2 and lately have been feeling depressed. I ended a relationship with my girlfriend of 1.5 years over 2 weeks ago to figure things out with my life, and to remove myself from the temptation of alcohol. It didn't help that I went out with buddies and drank it up.
Anyways, I am definitely feeling different depression that would usually be covered up when I was with my girlfriend. I am now more alone, and exposed to my feelings. This is exactly what I wanted to happen in a way. After numerous talks with her about quitting and needing help, I felt I was more of an annoyance to her than her "lover," even though she always said she cared. She'd buy me a drink or want to go out and smoke and party, and, well I can't be around that or I give in. She was a great girl, but I had my own life to sort out.
This feeling of loneliness, depression, helplessness....is real. I don't enjoy it, but I enjoy the fact I am feeling it, realizing it, and I have to react to it. I must make this work, or the rest of my life will be a sad downplay of what could have been.
Anyways, I am definitely feeling different depression that would usually be covered up when I was with my girlfriend. I am now more alone, and exposed to my feelings. This is exactly what I wanted to happen in a way. After numerous talks with her about quitting and needing help, I felt I was more of an annoyance to her than her "lover," even though she always said she cared. She'd buy me a drink or want to go out and smoke and party, and, well I can't be around that or I give in. She was a great girl, but I had my own life to sort out.
This feeling of loneliness, depression, helplessness....is real. I don't enjoy it, but I enjoy the fact I am feeling it, realizing it, and I have to react to it. I must make this work, or the rest of my life will be a sad downplay of what could have been.
Hey, great job on these 2 days sober. It is so hard at first... time seems like it is standing still. With more time sober, I bet you'll start feeling better. I know it probably sounds glib, but you've got a lot of healing to do. In early recovery our emotions are all over the place. I've got 7 months and they are still pretty wild, lol. It does get easier once the shock of being sober wears off, I think. Good luck & keep posting!
I have made it past 30 decent as recent as 2 months ago. But it was rather during troubled times where I didn't go out. I'm not the type that needs to drink everyday. I have gone weeks without it and never one felt the urge. But, when I do decide to drink, 1 out of every 3 nights, I blackout, lose something, blow money, break something, breakdown, curse off a friend, make a new enemy, ect. I am excited to sleep better and feel good. I am going to try and make this my ritual. Check SR before going to bed, during work downtime, and when I wake up.
PS is That CO in your avatar? I need to go there!
PS is That CO in your avatar? I need to go there!
Oh, you like to binge! That was me too, until the binges got closer and closer together, and then I was 'binge' drinking every single night. That took me down real fast. I know people here say this all the time but it's worth saying - do you have a real plan for what you're going to do the next time you feel like drinking? There will be a day when you feel a lot better and drinking seems like a reasonable thing to do. How are you going to shut that down when it happens?
PS, yes it's Colorado. It's near a place called Ouray, which is in the southern part of the state. Wish I could take credit for the pic, but I found it on a photographer's blog. Really beautiful.
PS, yes it's Colorado. It's near a place called Ouray, which is in the southern part of the state. Wish I could take credit for the pic, but I found it on a photographer's blog. Really beautiful.
Good question. The plan eh.....is to not drink! SIMPLE. Yea right.
It is easy for me to avoid drinking when I am hungover because I immediately feel the pain, so I was able to reject offers of White Russians while watching the Big Lebowski at a friend's house last night, but like you said, next Friday, I will be feeling good, and the calls about what is "going on tonight" will start rolling in.....I certainly don't believe in tucking tail and running away, but I also know I can't put myself in bad situations. I don't quite know what to do.
It is easy for me to avoid drinking when I am hungover because I immediately feel the pain, so I was able to reject offers of White Russians while watching the Big Lebowski at a friend's house last night, but like you said, next Friday, I will be feeling good, and the calls about what is "going on tonight" will start rolling in.....I certainly don't believe in tucking tail and running away, but I also know I can't put myself in bad situations. I don't quite know what to do.
The great thing about depression, especially in your case (and mine), you know who's boss. It will pass, exercise is good, vitamins (but don't take too many). Don't confuse sadness with depression either, you seem sad and obviously so, depression is a whole different ball game, it's not a competition though, better off sad. A lot of advice is "don't drink", great advice if you can do it. If you still insist on drinking, avoid liquor and wine, they will drag you down into the depths of hell.
Lol, there's a lot to be said for tucking tail and running sometimes, especially if it's a fight you know you can't win. Now that I'm sober I've done it numerous times to avoid drinking and always been glad I did. And you know the funny thing is, afterward it doesn't feel like I ran away from anything. It feels like I fought and won.
I don't know about that, pangur. So what's left after liquor and wine? Beer? Through trial and error I've found that beer is just as capable of dragging me down to hell as anything else I drank. Some say cough syrup, mouthwash, vanilla extract, and cooking wine will do it too but I was fortunate or stupid enough to avoid those particular options. For us, there is just no safe way to drink, period.
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Join Date: Jan 2012
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Going through the EXACT same thing myself, 1.5 year relationship ended 3 weeks ago. Its a tough combo of feelings and emotions to deal with on top of quitting alcohol. My advice is let her go, you'll likely want to contact her to try and feel better but just don't. After 10 days I wrote mine a letter explaining everything that went wrong with us and that she disliked was because of my closet drinking that she didn't know about.
It explained everything and I did it to let her know the absolute truth, at first she said it explained everything then she blew up saying I was a jerk, liar and that she hated me and to never contact her again. I wished her a bright future, love, happiness and joy for her and her family, said I was sorry about 500 times and then said goodbye.
It felt good getting it off my chest but I am still a little upset how she left on bad terms, but that's my fault and something I will have to live with I guess.
It explained everything and I did it to let her know the absolute truth, at first she said it explained everything then she blew up saying I was a jerk, liar and that she hated me and to never contact her again. I wished her a bright future, love, happiness and joy for her and her family, said I was sorry about 500 times and then said goodbye.
It felt good getting it off my chest but I am still a little upset how she left on bad terms, but that's my fault and something I will have to live with I guess.
The terms may be bad now, but in the future she may turn around and be greatful for your honest and caring approach. Either way, accept it and move on. I just explained a little more to my ex about where I am in my life and why I chose to break it off. It barely helped, and now I feel worse. She may never accept it, but that is her choice and there is nothing I can do about it.
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