Turned 30 and sick of my life
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Norway
Posts: 169
Turned 30 and sick of my life
Hello All,
Like many others, I've been "lurking" through these forums for several months, but finally decided to post. The reason is I just can't handle my life anymore. A little about me. I was a very shy since the school, I believe the reason I were the only overweight kid in my class. Needless to mention my life was a total nightmare, all this bullying stuff and non stop humiliating. When I finished the school it was such a relief. College was way better at start, I was involved in very exciting work in a chemistry lab and felt somehow "fulfilled". Anyway, my social life was non-existent not to mention girlfriends. I watched how my peers were dating, going to parties, kissed girls I could only dream of and this was very depressing. Strangely enough, I was invited to a party and had my first drink at 21. Nothing special happened, but I felt that my debilitating social anxiety and depression lowered a bit.
My next "genius" thought was: do I really need to be around people to feel it again? So I bought a 6 pack, some VHS tapes with comedy movies and went home. And hey presto! The evening went so well so I told myself how stupid I was by not doing it all the time.
Than it became a lifestyle. After being graduated I went to working from home by starting a small online business. Obviously I wasn't be able to find a real job, because had no real friends and my social anxiety was so bad that I couldn't even make an eye contact with anyone. Luckily enough I managed to make some dinero online, bought apartments and helped my parents financially. So they (temporarily) left me alone with all those speeches about finding a real job and a girl. As you guess, working from home was nothing but perfect in terms of drinking. I could work 2-3 hours in the morning, go to local shop, get some junk food like frozen pizza or hot dogs,12 pack (6 was not enough at this time) and get happily wasted. Not a surprise that I advanced from plump to fat category. I'm a small guy (5'7'') and managed to get it to 210 lbs. Obviously, I could not ever dream of a girl, my self-esteem was below bottom and I kept filling all my loneliness and despair with beer.
There were also many shameful or even disgusting episodes lately which makes me feel like a total piece of cr@p days after. I forgot to add that I've got severe anxiety and feeling of doom in addition to other hangover symptoms. These new symptoms appeared about 2 years ago.
First, I'm not very lucky and don't have a house living alone in my apartment. When I'm wasted I like to listen to some retro 90s music at the maximum volume. My neighbor, a solid man in 40s came to me next morning and told me to stop it. He knew for sure it has always been a solo party - me and beer, and sometimes I used to call for whores (sorry to post this disgusting stuff). Did it stop me? Only for a week, then I continued my music at 3-4-5 am. Next day he called police and they had a serious talk to me putting a fine. Needless to tell I was emotionally devastated and my depression went through the roof.
Another horrible stuff was Facebook. While drunk I always found it a good idea to chat with my ex-classmates. I saw their albums depicting their lovely vacations with wife and kids. Several times I sent truly embarassing emails to some girls that were friendly to me before, making compliments, asking for dates, posting erotic videos on their walls etc. Worst part of it I even harassed them not even remembering it! What I did in the morning was deleting all this shameful stuff before they see it. But most of them seen it, it's awful
I'm on 5th day sober but depression and anxiety still hit me hard. This year I turned 30 and I stuck being lonely, fat, friendless, and pathetic alcoholic. My parents who are my only loved ones lost all hopes to ever see their grandchildren. But I want to live a life, with a family, with friends. I need a plan, I need help and advice. Sorry for this extremely long rant, I'm bad in putting words together. But I'm in despair right now...
Like many others, I've been "lurking" through these forums for several months, but finally decided to post. The reason is I just can't handle my life anymore. A little about me. I was a very shy since the school, I believe the reason I were the only overweight kid in my class. Needless to mention my life was a total nightmare, all this bullying stuff and non stop humiliating. When I finished the school it was such a relief. College was way better at start, I was involved in very exciting work in a chemistry lab and felt somehow "fulfilled". Anyway, my social life was non-existent not to mention girlfriends. I watched how my peers were dating, going to parties, kissed girls I could only dream of and this was very depressing. Strangely enough, I was invited to a party and had my first drink at 21. Nothing special happened, but I felt that my debilitating social anxiety and depression lowered a bit.
My next "genius" thought was: do I really need to be around people to feel it again? So I bought a 6 pack, some VHS tapes with comedy movies and went home. And hey presto! The evening went so well so I told myself how stupid I was by not doing it all the time.
Than it became a lifestyle. After being graduated I went to working from home by starting a small online business. Obviously I wasn't be able to find a real job, because had no real friends and my social anxiety was so bad that I couldn't even make an eye contact with anyone. Luckily enough I managed to make some dinero online, bought apartments and helped my parents financially. So they (temporarily) left me alone with all those speeches about finding a real job and a girl. As you guess, working from home was nothing but perfect in terms of drinking. I could work 2-3 hours in the morning, go to local shop, get some junk food like frozen pizza or hot dogs,12 pack (6 was not enough at this time) and get happily wasted. Not a surprise that I advanced from plump to fat category. I'm a small guy (5'7'') and managed to get it to 210 lbs. Obviously, I could not ever dream of a girl, my self-esteem was below bottom and I kept filling all my loneliness and despair with beer.
There were also many shameful or even disgusting episodes lately which makes me feel like a total piece of cr@p days after. I forgot to add that I've got severe anxiety and feeling of doom in addition to other hangover symptoms. These new symptoms appeared about 2 years ago.
First, I'm not very lucky and don't have a house living alone in my apartment. When I'm wasted I like to listen to some retro 90s music at the maximum volume. My neighbor, a solid man in 40s came to me next morning and told me to stop it. He knew for sure it has always been a solo party - me and beer, and sometimes I used to call for whores (sorry to post this disgusting stuff). Did it stop me? Only for a week, then I continued my music at 3-4-5 am. Next day he called police and they had a serious talk to me putting a fine. Needless to tell I was emotionally devastated and my depression went through the roof.
Another horrible stuff was Facebook. While drunk I always found it a good idea to chat with my ex-classmates. I saw their albums depicting their lovely vacations with wife and kids. Several times I sent truly embarassing emails to some girls that were friendly to me before, making compliments, asking for dates, posting erotic videos on their walls etc. Worst part of it I even harassed them not even remembering it! What I did in the morning was deleting all this shameful stuff before they see it. But most of them seen it, it's awful
I'm on 5th day sober but depression and anxiety still hit me hard. This year I turned 30 and I stuck being lonely, fat, friendless, and pathetic alcoholic. My parents who are my only loved ones lost all hopes to ever see their grandchildren. But I want to live a life, with a family, with friends. I need a plan, I need help and advice. Sorry for this extremely long rant, I'm bad in putting words together. But I'm in despair right now...
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Austin, TX from Philly, PA
Posts: 141
Any start is a good start. And talking to strangers can be the best way to save your life. You have a chance everyday to turn your life around. Turn your life into something you want. You have legs, arms, and a mind to do so. You were able to run a business successfully, so you obviously are intelligent. You have at least another 30 years of life to live, and you have every chance to live another 30 after that.
Here is my advice. I am no expert, but I have mind that can create thoughts based on experience.
First thing is first. You need to forgive yourself for anything you regret that you have done. We all have skeletons in our closets as the cliche goes. Give yourself a hug, and move on. Can I ask if you could envision a better life, what would you be doing in it? It could be as simple as waking up and making a good healthy breakfast every morning.
Here is my advice. I am no expert, but I have mind that can create thoughts based on experience.
First thing is first. You need to forgive yourself for anything you regret that you have done. We all have skeletons in our closets as the cliche goes. Give yourself a hug, and move on. Can I ask if you could envision a better life, what would you be doing in it? It could be as simple as waking up and making a good healthy breakfast every morning.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,180
Welcome to SR.
The past is the past so forgive yourself for what you have done and let it go. Look to the future. When you stop drinking you will lose weight, if that is what you want to do. Maybe some reading about nutrition etc may help you. As louddog says you are obviously intelligent to run a business. Maybe some confidence building courses may help you although alcholol is a depressant-personally I have found my confidence has grown since giving up drinking
Wishing you the very best for the future.
The past is the past so forgive yourself for what you have done and let it go. Look to the future. When you stop drinking you will lose weight, if that is what you want to do. Maybe some reading about nutrition etc may help you. As louddog says you are obviously intelligent to run a business. Maybe some confidence building courses may help you although alcholol is a depressant-personally I have found my confidence has grown since giving up drinking
Wishing you the very best for the future.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Austin, TX from Philly, PA
Posts: 141
I think taking action is a must. And by that I'd like to make reference to what JustHadEnough mentioned with some classes. You may need to shake up your universe a bit, and a take a class, even if it is an art class or heck, some random subject at a community college to get you moving in another direction.
Add up what a month's worth of drinking related expenses would of been (including gas to the store, munchies, ect) and invest it into a class, or go on a retreat, or just drive to some isolated park/mountain/beach away from alcohol, TV, internet, and just experience life without those vanities. Bring a book, write down your thoughts and feelings, and begin to discover the life you truly want.
Add up what a month's worth of drinking related expenses would of been (including gas to the store, munchies, ect) and invest it into a class, or go on a retreat, or just drive to some isolated park/mountain/beach away from alcohol, TV, internet, and just experience life without those vanities. Bring a book, write down your thoughts and feelings, and begin to discover the life you truly want.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 773
Freddy,
just because you might be a little overweight doesn't mean you can't meet someone, there's plenty of overweight people in America. Not that starting a relationship is the best thing to do when quiting alcohol. I've gone to AA before, you may even meet someone there.
just because you might be a little overweight doesn't mean you can't meet someone, there's plenty of overweight people in America. Not that starting a relationship is the best thing to do when quiting alcohol. I've gone to AA before, you may even meet someone there.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Norway
Posts: 169
Thank you for reply.
"Can I ask if you could envision a better life, what would you be doing in it?"
I consider the life will be better if:
- I stop getting wasted with 20-24-36 beers every day;
- Get rid of enormous anxiety, especially social anxiety;
- Get rid of shame and guilt. You know, I even have to avoid elevator to avoid seeing my neighbors, and I live on 16 floor! They have all seen me in different sh1tty situations - with a bag full of clinking bottles, with whores (!!) while they were with kids. This one is killing me.
- Remove the feeling of being constantly doomed - as something bad is going to happen;
- Get in shape;
- Take some steps to be around people - hard one;
- Take ANY steps to connect to the opposite sex.
"Can I ask if you could envision a better life, what would you be doing in it?"
I consider the life will be better if:
- I stop getting wasted with 20-24-36 beers every day;
- Get rid of enormous anxiety, especially social anxiety;
- Get rid of shame and guilt. You know, I even have to avoid elevator to avoid seeing my neighbors, and I live on 16 floor! They have all seen me in different sh1tty situations - with a bag full of clinking bottles, with whores (!!) while they were with kids. This one is killing me.
- Remove the feeling of being constantly doomed - as something bad is going to happen;
- Get in shape;
- Take some steps to be around people - hard one;
- Take ANY steps to connect to the opposite sex.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Austin, TX from Philly, PA
Posts: 141
Have you tried printing that our and hanging it in your bedroom? Perhaps framing it?
Also, that is quite a bit of money going towards $, so I believe you could definitely invest in yourself via vacation or retreat.
May I suggest watchin Fat Sick and Nearly Dead. The movie is about juice fasting, but more importantly turning one's life around.
About your relations with the rest of the neighbors, that can be tough. The problem isn't you, but that they may not be accepting if you were to apologize. One immediate way you will be mending those relations is by you not drinking and being rowdy. They will notice, and appreciate it.
THis may not be a good idea, but perhaps finding a neighbor that you feel would be forgiving, and just writing a simply apology letter. Perhaps other members here can give their 2 cents about that. It could be low risk/high reward. Id imagine the day they look at you with a smile and say hello, you will feel like a million bucks.
Also, that is quite a bit of money going towards $, so I believe you could definitely invest in yourself via vacation or retreat.
May I suggest watchin Fat Sick and Nearly Dead. The movie is about juice fasting, but more importantly turning one's life around.
About your relations with the rest of the neighbors, that can be tough. The problem isn't you, but that they may not be accepting if you were to apologize. One immediate way you will be mending those relations is by you not drinking and being rowdy. They will notice, and appreciate it.
THis may not be a good idea, but perhaps finding a neighbor that you feel would be forgiving, and just writing a simply apology letter. Perhaps other members here can give their 2 cents about that. It could be low risk/high reward. Id imagine the day they look at you with a smile and say hello, you will feel like a million bucks.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: east coast
Posts: 1,711
I'm glad you posted here Freddybear. On this forum I can say that most of us (myself included) have been ashamed of things we've done while drunk. The first step to actually stop is so difficult so please give yourself credit for that. I have an anxiety disorder as well and yes, alcohol did help my symptoms but only in the moment...in the long haul it makes it even worse and add to that horrible depression. I can tell you that I have worked closely with my Dr and therapist the last month (i've been sober) and as a team we are all getting me back on track. It's not always easy, but so far it has been very worth it. Have you spoken to your Dr?
Guest
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Ontario Canada
Posts: 189
although it's a hard road your on, your on the right road. I was a binge drinker of hard liquor and my craving was never satisfied. I moved out of my parents place 10 months ago and did a 5 month drinking spree in my new home with room mates, sadly most of them were heavy drinkers too so life got out of control, the landlord who drank alot too, almost every day herself didn't see my drinking as bad but in the end it was all about her making profit from my rent money and when I recovered from a 4 day binge and realized I had no money to pay rent she was furious of course and saw me as the worst room mate ever, so I moved back to my parents place and been here for almost 6 months and been sober throughout this whole time.
Even though it was dark times I managed to crawl out of it into the light. I had alot of social issues myself and understand where your coming from, I wasn't overweight if anything I was way underweight for my age. I was a 17 year old who weight 100 pounds or less and I was made fun of all the time and called ugly so I accepted it as true and never talked to people assuming they thought secretly how ugly I was. Now I'm a good 200 pounds. Drinking led me to believe that I was the kind of the world at the beginning of my drinking I was the most fun person to hang with as long as I paid for drinks which I did in blackouts most of the time. Then as time progressed friends stopped hanging with me because I started to be an a--hole and then recently I wanted to drink alone because then I wouldn't get in fights but then I would if I went upstairs to get food and my room mates were there I'd lash out if they said something like I reeked of booze. Heck, I had my old drinking friend who was a 20 minute walk away from my new place and I was over there and he beat the crap out of me sending me to the hospital but no charges were laid.
You may want to seek medical help on this matter though, if your detoxing for the first time, sitting in your chair and looking at the screen doesn't help much, show you want help and maybe your parents will get a gleam of hope. I did that. I sat on my computer for 3 days straight on this site because I couldn't bare to face the world yet I was on this site the whole time going on chat and detoxing and saying silly things on there... made people laugh and I'd laugh at their reactions but as soon as people left the chat room for the night I sat there and cried to death. I got help through AA, and my parents and I was so grateful they allowed me to move back in with the promise of no drinking here and giving in all my money and bank cards so I couldn't buy booze (Promised so many times over 3 years that what happens when they start not trusting you so much) and even though many say that I'm alcoholic and that I can still find ways to drink I haven't considered that fact. I'm not wanting to drink anymore because it's not me anymore. I'm some different rude, violent guy when drunk and people stand in my way of drinking I can get ugly. Sober? I appreciate life, I got back into my drawing which I haven't done in years due to drinking taking over. it's like someone said at a discussion meeting one night "Alcohol does alot of things to you and one of them is the fact that it takes so much away from your life." Mine was my hobbies to go for walks, rollerblade, and draw... been drawing since I was 12. all those went away when I found my new friend Alcohol. But then that "friend" betrayed me and promised me so many more things and in a way it did fulfill it's promise.... it gave me misery. So please, if this has helped you in a way, try very hard to sober up! It'll be hard I know, but it'll be worth it, someday you'll look back and be relieved that you quit and managed it. But then again you must think of 1 day at a time. I did and here I am providing advice
I'm even chairing another AA meeting in which I host it in case you didn't know what chairing was. Good luck friend, your in the right place here at SR.com
Even though it was dark times I managed to crawl out of it into the light. I had alot of social issues myself and understand where your coming from, I wasn't overweight if anything I was way underweight for my age. I was a 17 year old who weight 100 pounds or less and I was made fun of all the time and called ugly so I accepted it as true and never talked to people assuming they thought secretly how ugly I was. Now I'm a good 200 pounds. Drinking led me to believe that I was the kind of the world at the beginning of my drinking I was the most fun person to hang with as long as I paid for drinks which I did in blackouts most of the time. Then as time progressed friends stopped hanging with me because I started to be an a--hole and then recently I wanted to drink alone because then I wouldn't get in fights but then I would if I went upstairs to get food and my room mates were there I'd lash out if they said something like I reeked of booze. Heck, I had my old drinking friend who was a 20 minute walk away from my new place and I was over there and he beat the crap out of me sending me to the hospital but no charges were laid.
You may want to seek medical help on this matter though, if your detoxing for the first time, sitting in your chair and looking at the screen doesn't help much, show you want help and maybe your parents will get a gleam of hope. I did that. I sat on my computer for 3 days straight on this site because I couldn't bare to face the world yet I was on this site the whole time going on chat and detoxing and saying silly things on there... made people laugh and I'd laugh at their reactions but as soon as people left the chat room for the night I sat there and cried to death. I got help through AA, and my parents and I was so grateful they allowed me to move back in with the promise of no drinking here and giving in all my money and bank cards so I couldn't buy booze (Promised so many times over 3 years that what happens when they start not trusting you so much) and even though many say that I'm alcoholic and that I can still find ways to drink I haven't considered that fact. I'm not wanting to drink anymore because it's not me anymore. I'm some different rude, violent guy when drunk and people stand in my way of drinking I can get ugly. Sober? I appreciate life, I got back into my drawing which I haven't done in years due to drinking taking over. it's like someone said at a discussion meeting one night "Alcohol does alot of things to you and one of them is the fact that it takes so much away from your life." Mine was my hobbies to go for walks, rollerblade, and draw... been drawing since I was 12. all those went away when I found my new friend Alcohol. But then that "friend" betrayed me and promised me so many more things and in a way it did fulfill it's promise.... it gave me misery. So please, if this has helped you in a way, try very hard to sober up! It'll be hard I know, but it'll be worth it, someday you'll look back and be relieved that you quit and managed it. But then again you must think of 1 day at a time. I did and here I am providing advice
I'm even chairing another AA meeting in which I host it in case you didn't know what chairing was. Good luck friend, your in the right place here at SR.com Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Norway
Posts: 169
loudog430,
"Also, that is quite a bit of money going towards $, so I believe you could definitely invest in yourself via vacation or retreat."
That is something I was thinking about. Even tried this last summer - decided to go far away and booked a nice hotel in Cyprus. Went there all alone and had severe issues with the anxiety. Ended up stuck in my room with beer cans and chips, with so much to see and delicious local food to taste! This was really a failure.
quitforme79,
"I can tell you that I have worked closely with my Dr and therapist the last month (i've been sober) and as a team we are all getting me back on track. It's not always easy, but so far it has been very worth it. Have you spoken to your Dr?"
I'm glad it helped you with your issue, but I suppose your anxiety was not bad enough to get out and see a shrink? Right now I fear the idea of it, I even struggle to go out, make eye contact and heck, even say hello Things definitely were not that bad before I started my beer career.
"Also, that is quite a bit of money going towards $, so I believe you could definitely invest in yourself via vacation or retreat."
That is something I was thinking about. Even tried this last summer - decided to go far away and booked a nice hotel in Cyprus. Went there all alone and had severe issues with the anxiety. Ended up stuck in my room with beer cans and chips, with so much to see and delicious local food to taste! This was really a failure.
quitforme79,
"I can tell you that I have worked closely with my Dr and therapist the last month (i've been sober) and as a team we are all getting me back on track. It's not always easy, but so far it has been very worth it. Have you spoken to your Dr?"
I'm glad it helped you with your issue, but I suppose your anxiety was not bad enough to get out and see a shrink? Right now I fear the idea of it, I even struggle to go out, make eye contact and heck, even say hello
Things definitely were not that bad before I started my beer career.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Austin, TX from Philly, PA
Posts: 141
Well, I would imagine that trip to Cyprus was expensive and I am going to guess you aren't from Cyprus, so you really put a lot of chips on the table with that. I should of said find something simple and cheap. If you live near a beach, perhaps you can find an isolated little townwith a nice beachfront rental, something cheap, maybe even for one day.
If you spend thousands on the trip, you bear the weight of "I spent thousands so this trip better be worth it!!!" High expectations will lead to that let down. Of course, this is a suggestion, but if you take the idea and mold it into something different, it may work.
If you spend thousands on the trip, you bear the weight of "I spent thousands so this trip better be worth it!!!" High expectations will lead to that let down. Of course, this is a suggestion, but if you take the idea and mold it into something different, it may work.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Buffalo Bill's territory, NY
Posts: 36
Freddy~ I have the same problem. Drinking the same amounts of beer daily, not going out, only to buy more beer, guilt the next day, heart racing, feeling like crap..only to start all over again.
I have had a few sober days, but finally resolved to realizing that I am an alcoholic or a drunk as I like to call it and I need help. I reached out to a therapist and I go the 22nd of this month. She is a licensed psychiatrist and specializes in addiction therapy only...opiates and alcohol.
I am hoping with her help, the help of my family and friends, I can do this.
I came clean a few months ago and was shocked at how many people knew! I thought I was soooo good at hiding it. I still struggle and fail, but if I make a few hours, I feel a little proud.
I'm 43, have two kids, lost my husband, destroyed my marriage and am lucky to still have my job. I get anxiety, I have fallen down the stairs and lacerated my spleen, hospitalized for a week, had a heart attack this past September, have high blood pressure and yet I STILL DRINK!!! I cannot control it, but I am no longer embarrassed to admit I have a problem.
I pray daily that my children will not have inherited this horrific disease...that breaks my heart thinking about it. Both my parents are alcoholics and my moms side of the family are full blown...welfare, drink all day and night to the point it's killing each of them....I don't want that for myself, but even as much as I don't want it, I CAN'T STOP THIS.
Reach out for help, I know this will be my only way out.
Best of luck.
Tammy
I have had a few sober days, but finally resolved to realizing that I am an alcoholic or a drunk as I like to call it and I need help. I reached out to a therapist and I go the 22nd of this month. She is a licensed psychiatrist and specializes in addiction therapy only...opiates and alcohol.
I am hoping with her help, the help of my family and friends, I can do this.
I came clean a few months ago and was shocked at how many people knew! I thought I was soooo good at hiding it. I still struggle and fail, but if I make a few hours, I feel a little proud.
I'm 43, have two kids, lost my husband, destroyed my marriage and am lucky to still have my job. I get anxiety, I have fallen down the stairs and lacerated my spleen, hospitalized for a week, had a heart attack this past September, have high blood pressure and yet I STILL DRINK!!! I cannot control it, but I am no longer embarrassed to admit I have a problem.
I pray daily that my children will not have inherited this horrific disease...that breaks my heart thinking about it. Both my parents are alcoholics and my moms side of the family are full blown...welfare, drink all day and night to the point it's killing each of them....I don't want that for myself, but even as much as I don't want it, I CAN'T STOP THIS.
Reach out for help, I know this will be my only way out.
Best of luck.
Tammy
Foo Fighter.
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: So.FL.
Posts: 119
FreddyBear first and foremost work on your sobriety, second come up with a plan, put it in writing, refer to it often, eat well, no junk food. Time takes over and next thing you know you will have lost some weight, your self esteem will also recover due to reaching goals you have set for yourself. Small things lead to big things but it all starts with your sobriety.
Welcome to the fourm, I wish you much success !
Welcome to the fourm, I wish you much success !
Life Health Prosperity
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Louisana
Posts: 6,752
Originally Posted by FreddyBear 
Thank you for reply.
"Can I ask if you could envision a better life, what would you be doing in it?"
I consider the life will be better if:
- I stop getting wasted with 20-24-36 beers every day;Defintely stop
- Get rid of enormous anxiety, especially social anxiety;Waste of time.
- Get rid of shame and guilt. You know, I even have to avoid elevator to avoid seeing my neighbors, and I live on 16 floor! They have all seen me in different sh1tty situations - with a bag full of clinking bottles, with whores (!!) while they were with kids. This one is killing me.Defintely waste of time
- Remove the feeling of being constantly doomed - as something bad is going to happen;Absolutely not true.
- Get in shape;Good for your health.
- Take some steps to be around people - hard one;Good for your soul
- Take ANY steps to connect to the opposite sex.Good luck.
"Can I ask if you could envision a better life, what would you be doing in it?"
I consider the life will be better if:
- I stop getting wasted with 20-24-36 beers every day;Defintely stop
- Get rid of enormous anxiety, especially social anxiety;Waste of time.
- Get rid of shame and guilt. You know, I even have to avoid elevator to avoid seeing my neighbors, and I live on 16 floor! They have all seen me in different sh1tty situations - with a bag full of clinking bottles, with whores (!!) while they were with kids. This one is killing me.Defintely waste of time
- Remove the feeling of being constantly doomed - as something bad is going to happen;Absolutely not true.
- Get in shape;Good for your health.
- Take some steps to be around people - hard one;Good for your soul
- Take ANY steps to connect to the opposite sex.Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,071
Hey Freddy, welcome to SR. It may seem overwhelming right now, but things will get better with time and work. The best thing you can do for yourself right now is to stay sober. Get that down and worry about the other stuff as you feel stronger.
I know firsthand the kind of shame our drunken behavior can bring, especially when it comes to sexual behavior. I think we all have those feelings, and there is nothing wrong with them, but alcohol has a way of magnifying them and twisting them into something unhealthy and then we end up making decisions we otherwise wouldn't. Don't beat yourself up over it. Many of us here have been through the same kinds of scenarios and have come out okay. I seriously doubt that your neighbors thought you were doing anything other than hanging out with friends.
As far as getting some respect from your neighbors goes, I also think that will come with time. The old saying "actions speak louder than words" really applies to people who are recovering from addiction. Look, you didn't end up here overnight and you're not going to fix everything overnight, but you can eventually repair the damage and improve your life. You have the opportunity to reinvent yourself here and that's pretty cool. Yeah, you do have to learn it from scratch, but personally I think that's great. I have really enjoyed being able to decide who I want to be as an adult without feeling beholden to anyone besides myself and my husband.
Anyway, in a nutshell: stay sober and be patient with yourself. And know that you are among friends here at SR.
I know firsthand the kind of shame our drunken behavior can bring, especially when it comes to sexual behavior. I think we all have those feelings, and there is nothing wrong with them, but alcohol has a way of magnifying them and twisting them into something unhealthy and then we end up making decisions we otherwise wouldn't. Don't beat yourself up over it. Many of us here have been through the same kinds of scenarios and have come out okay. I seriously doubt that your neighbors thought you were doing anything other than hanging out with friends.
As far as getting some respect from your neighbors goes, I also think that will come with time. The old saying "actions speak louder than words" really applies to people who are recovering from addiction. Look, you didn't end up here overnight and you're not going to fix everything overnight, but you can eventually repair the damage and improve your life. You have the opportunity to reinvent yourself here and that's pretty cool. Yeah, you do have to learn it from scratch, but personally I think that's great. I have really enjoyed being able to decide who I want to be as an adult without feeling beholden to anyone besides myself and my husband.
Anyway, in a nutshell: stay sober and be patient with yourself. And know that you are among friends here at SR.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,146
You strike me as honest and brave and self-aware in writing this, and I admire you for those qualities.
The way things have been are not the way they need to be in your future, but you'll be needing some help from others to change the things you want to change to begin to live a different and better life.
Starting here is a good start, and I hope you continue to post. Stopping drinking may be not too hard for you if you concentrate on how much better you feel physically, trusting that the mental healing will happen too, but on it's own schedule. Making through the first few weeks is never a treat but you need do that only once.
You asked for suggestions, and the best I have for you is to find out online where your nearest AA meetings are and begin going there, even though it's a hard thing to be among people for you. Go early before the meeting and force yourself to shake some hands and let them know you're new.
Seems odd in the saying, but after that you then have close to 2 million people who will help you in any way they can to get by in life without taking another drink, if you don't want to drink. Go a little or go a lot, but you never have be alone another evening unless that's your choice.
The way things have been are not the way they need to be in your future, but you'll be needing some help from others to change the things you want to change to begin to live a different and better life.
Starting here is a good start, and I hope you continue to post. Stopping drinking may be not too hard for you if you concentrate on how much better you feel physically, trusting that the mental healing will happen too, but on it's own schedule. Making through the first few weeks is never a treat but you need do that only once.
You asked for suggestions, and the best I have for you is to find out online where your nearest AA meetings are and begin going there, even though it's a hard thing to be among people for you. Go early before the meeting and force yourself to shake some hands and let them know you're new.
Seems odd in the saying, but after that you then have close to 2 million people who will help you in any way they can to get by in life without taking another drink, if you don't want to drink. Go a little or go a lot, but you never have be alone another evening unless that's your choice.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
Welcome Freddy
Some great advice here
Over the past 5 years I've completely turned my life, and the man I was, around.
It didn't happen over night, it took a lot of hard work, and the rewards weren't instantaneous...
but I got tired of being ashamed of the face looking back at me in the mirror every morning...I know the answers to my problems were not in the drunken life I was living....sobriety had to be better.
Not drinking is the absolute #1 first step. I had to remove that element if I wanted to move in any direction.
If you have trouble doing that, I recommend seeing a Dr and maybe even a recovery group.
Counselling helped me too - I was actually depressed for a long long time. I needed some outside help to work that out.
You're definitely not alone anymore - good to have you with us
D
Some great advice here
Over the past 5 years I've completely turned my life, and the man I was, around.
It didn't happen over night, it took a lot of hard work, and the rewards weren't instantaneous...
but I got tired of being ashamed of the face looking back at me in the mirror every morning...I know the answers to my problems were not in the drunken life I was living....sobriety had to be better.
Not drinking is the absolute #1 first step. I had to remove that element if I wanted to move in any direction.
If you have trouble doing that, I recommend seeing a Dr and maybe even a recovery group.
Counselling helped me too - I was actually depressed for a long long time. I needed some outside help to work that out.
You're definitely not alone anymore - good to have you with us
D
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 6
I just want to commend you Freddy on a very brave and honest post. I can relate to a lot of what you said. I'm your age, and have struggled with my weight my entire life. I'm also 5'7" and at one point weighed 250lbs. Talk about a Rollie Pollie. My senior year of college, (struggling with the girl situation myself) I managed to lose 90lbs by watching my carbs.
Unfortunately, it was at this time that I switched from beer to Vodka to avoid carb intake. I loved to drink too because it loosened me up in social situations. I didn't gain weight initially, but over the course of the last 10 years, I started to put the weight back on as my Vodka intake crept up to a fifth a day.
It got to a point where I was only eating one meal a day so that I could factor in the 1800 calories I'd be drinking later on. That's when I really realized that I had a drinking problem. Disgusting. In college it was partying, now that I'm 30 I recognize it for what it really is: alcoholism. Anyway, I put back on 40lbs of the 90 I lost and decided it was time to get back into shape. I too am currently don't have a gf, but realize I don't need a companion right now...I need to work on myself first. Sobriety and then fitness is my next priority.
One thing that has helped me is joining my local 24 hour fitness. It has been a great distraction and stress reliever. It's also a great way to put yourself in a "social environment" without actually having to socialize...you can just put your headphones in, walk on the treadmill and keep to yourself. I am only 7 days sober today...but one day at a time, I'm feeling better and better. I wish you all the best Freddy!
Unfortunately, it was at this time that I switched from beer to Vodka to avoid carb intake. I loved to drink too because it loosened me up in social situations. I didn't gain weight initially, but over the course of the last 10 years, I started to put the weight back on as my Vodka intake crept up to a fifth a day.
It got to a point where I was only eating one meal a day so that I could factor in the 1800 calories I'd be drinking later on. That's when I really realized that I had a drinking problem. Disgusting. In college it was partying, now that I'm 30 I recognize it for what it really is: alcoholism. Anyway, I put back on 40lbs of the 90 I lost and decided it was time to get back into shape. I too am currently don't have a gf, but realize I don't need a companion right now...I need to work on myself first. Sobriety and then fitness is my next priority.
One thing that has helped me is joining my local 24 hour fitness. It has been a great distraction and stress reliever. It's also a great way to put yourself in a "social environment" without actually having to socialize...you can just put your headphones in, walk on the treadmill and keep to yourself. I am only 7 days sober today...but one day at a time, I'm feeling better and better. I wish you all the best Freddy!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Norway
Posts: 169
Thank you all very much for your time and support, this really, really helps me a lot.
Just as hop2it suggested, I went to a nearby gym, didn't speak to anyone except an instructor, worked 20 minutes on a treadmill and visited a pool. Feeling such a nice fatigue, and the evening passed well.
Another good thing is I called to a long lost buddy from college and asked him out for a billiard party. Even though he has family and decent social life, he went to spend time with me. And, surprisingly, he struggled with the same problem and quit 6 months ago. So this was a very relieving conversation.
I don't think I'm on pink clouds like many reported themselves in first days. Here's only day 8 and I still struggle with emotional hangovers and sometimes think about my 30-pack when I'm hungry, tired, or feel down. And have social issues that I have to deal with sober - talking to strangers or even shop assistants is still hard, and I'm still avoiding seeing my neighbors.
Thanks again for such support!
Just as hop2it suggested, I went to a nearby gym, didn't speak to anyone except an instructor, worked 20 minutes on a treadmill and visited a pool. Feeling such a nice fatigue, and the evening passed well.
Another good thing is I called to a long lost buddy from college and asked him out for a billiard party. Even though he has family and decent social life, he went to spend time with me. And, surprisingly, he struggled with the same problem and quit 6 months ago. So this was a very relieving conversation.
I don't think I'm on pink clouds like many reported themselves in first days. Here's only day 8 and I still struggle with emotional hangovers and sometimes think about my 30-pack when I'm hungry, tired, or feel down. And have social issues that I have to deal with sober - talking to strangers or even shop assistants is still hard, and I'm still avoiding seeing my neighbors.
Thanks again for such support!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
