It is ashame our "friends" aren't supportive.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Austin, TX from Philly, PA
Posts: 141
It is ashame our "friends" aren't supportive.
I am finding one of my biggest problems are these friends/family that just don't want to help you out. It is hard for me to just want to ditch them. Last week, I decided to leave my girlfriend because my decision to not drink appeared to be more of an annoyance to her rather than an incredible life changing/improving event she could help me out with (and other reasons). Heck, even my Mom appears to not want to give me an extra push in the right to direction even after alcoholism problems ran rampant in our family on all levels.
Just venting I guess...
Just venting I guess...
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
I understand exactly what you are saying. And
yes it is sad to not get that little extra support
or even undertstanding for our friends and family.
However........
Even for me at 21 yrs sober, I have had to learn
to take care of me and my own recovery because
no one else will. I did get support, fellowship,
communication, understanding inside the rooms
and online AA meetings and forums.
To surround myself with others just like me,
who understand, with no questions, because
they have all been there, done that, similar
to my own actions and thoughts.
It was also important to learn to accept
people, places and things just as they are
because I cant change any of it. Any of them.
I got so tired of trying to explain my
alcoholism, my recovery and how extremely
important it is to my own well being that
I had to move forward for myself.
It's not their fault thay dont understand,
because if they are not alcoholics or
addicts then they have no clue as to what
one is. It takes one to know one.
Sadly my family and friends have
their own consception as to what I am,
but they dont really know me nor my
alcoholism.
There's that space between us, and it
is sad, but I am happy where I am and
they are where they are as we all live our
own lives they way we should. Happy, joyous
and free.
Arming myself with the knowledge of alcoholism
and living a life in recovery with the tools, steps and
principles set down before us many yrs ago, I can
accept those who do not understand me.
I will protect my sobriery, recovery with all I have
in order to not let anyone mess with it. My sobriety
and recovery is a gift and treasure for a lifetime.
yes it is sad to not get that little extra support
or even undertstanding for our friends and family.
However........
Even for me at 21 yrs sober, I have had to learn
to take care of me and my own recovery because
no one else will. I did get support, fellowship,
communication, understanding inside the rooms
and online AA meetings and forums.
To surround myself with others just like me,
who understand, with no questions, because
they have all been there, done that, similar
to my own actions and thoughts.
It was also important to learn to accept
people, places and things just as they are
because I cant change any of it. Any of them.
I got so tired of trying to explain my
alcoholism, my recovery and how extremely
important it is to my own well being that
I had to move forward for myself.
It's not their fault thay dont understand,
because if they are not alcoholics or
addicts then they have no clue as to what
one is. It takes one to know one.
Sadly my family and friends have
their own consception as to what I am,
but they dont really know me nor my
alcoholism.
There's that space between us, and it
is sad, but I am happy where I am and
they are where they are as we all live our
own lives they way we should. Happy, joyous
and free.
Arming myself with the knowledge of alcoholism
and living a life in recovery with the tools, steps and
principles set down before us many yrs ago, I can
accept those who do not understand me.
I will protect my sobriery, recovery with all I have
in order to not let anyone mess with it. My sobriety
and recovery is a gift and treasure for a lifetime.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Austin, TX from Philly, PA
Posts: 141
I understand this is something that is 100% up to me. No other person but myself can choose the life I want to live. Nor do I look at others who do drink comfortably or as bad people.
As for my mom, I think acceptance would suffice. It seemed half hearted. She had a ton of advice as to how to control drinking, but couldn't just say "good for you, I'm proud of your decision," or something else along those lines. For me, it isn't that I drink everyday. I have gone weeks without drinking with no major issues. But I'll slip up, and drink here and there, which snowballs into a horrible night, horrible hangover, and loss of ______ (fill in the blank with: money, friends, shoes, ect).
Personally, if my significant other told me there was something in her life that made her depressed or was just an incredible thorn in her side, I would do anything to help rid her of that stress. She would say, "I am glad you want to better yourself," then offer me or make me a drink next time friends are over or we are out at a venue. My decision to break up was for attributed to that, a few other issues and to begin more soul searching in my life.
As for my mom, I think acceptance would suffice. It seemed half hearted. She had a ton of advice as to how to control drinking, but couldn't just say "good for you, I'm proud of your decision," or something else along those lines. For me, it isn't that I drink everyday. I have gone weeks without drinking with no major issues. But I'll slip up, and drink here and there, which snowballs into a horrible night, horrible hangover, and loss of ______ (fill in the blank with: money, friends, shoes, ect).
Personally, if my significant other told me there was something in her life that made her depressed or was just an incredible thorn in her side, I would do anything to help rid her of that stress. She would say, "I am glad you want to better yourself," then offer me or make me a drink next time friends are over or we are out at a venue. My decision to break up was for attributed to that, a few other issues and to begin more soul searching in my life.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
It's hard to break away from those that
either brought us into this world, a parent,
a spouse we married, a close friend, because
even tho they try to help the best way they
know how, it isnt really what we need or
want.
My mom, the parent that was to love me,
guide me, protect me....abused me physically,
verbally, emotionally. She stole what I needed
to grow, mature, strengthen me deep within
my soul.
I cant take her inventory today because I
have no idea where she is in her own life.
However, the last contact i had with her sealed
my remaining ideas and love i thought i had
of her.
I had to emotionally divorce myself from her
because as long as her illness is still present,
she is still contagious and i refuse to get infected
by it any longer.
She along with all my relatives know I an in
recovery but dont think im an alcoholic. Nor
do i have a drinking problem any longer or
ever had one.
I cant live around folks that think like that
because I know what and who I am. and
I need positive influences in my life in order
to continue on my recovery journey.
Sadly, my 25 yr marriage ended awhile back
because of the lack of communication, under-
standing we needed to survive in our marriage.
However, when one door closes and another
window opens and i have been blessed once
again with a new marriage coming up on 3
yrs. this Valentine's Day.
As long as I remain open, honest and willing
in my life and recovery then I will continue
to be blessed with the promises that are granted
to us as mentioned in the Big Book of AA.
Recovery and sobriety is a lifetime journey
learning to live happy joyous and free from
addictions.
either brought us into this world, a parent,
a spouse we married, a close friend, because
even tho they try to help the best way they
know how, it isnt really what we need or
want.
My mom, the parent that was to love me,
guide me, protect me....abused me physically,
verbally, emotionally. She stole what I needed
to grow, mature, strengthen me deep within
my soul.
I cant take her inventory today because I
have no idea where she is in her own life.
However, the last contact i had with her sealed
my remaining ideas and love i thought i had
of her.
I had to emotionally divorce myself from her
because as long as her illness is still present,
she is still contagious and i refuse to get infected
by it any longer.
She along with all my relatives know I an in
recovery but dont think im an alcoholic. Nor
do i have a drinking problem any longer or
ever had one.
I cant live around folks that think like that
because I know what and who I am. and
I need positive influences in my life in order
to continue on my recovery journey.
Sadly, my 25 yr marriage ended awhile back
because of the lack of communication, under-
standing we needed to survive in our marriage.
However, when one door closes and another
window opens and i have been blessed once
again with a new marriage coming up on 3
yrs. this Valentine's Day.
As long as I remain open, honest and willing
in my life and recovery then I will continue
to be blessed with the promises that are granted
to us as mentioned in the Big Book of AA.
Recovery and sobriety is a lifetime journey
learning to live happy joyous and free from
addictions.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Austin, TX from Philly, PA
Posts: 141
That is all very true. Our parents are people too with flaws and imperfections (some bigger than others). My mom is an incredible parent. I have a lot of distaste for my father for alcoholism-related reasons. I think if, and when, I have a child, I do not want alcohol in that house what-so-ever. And I know I cannot prevent my child from drinking, I will do my best to steer him or her away from it by filling their lives with more rewarding habits and virtues.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Midwest
Posts: 450
loudog430 - From your name I'm guessing you're a fan of the works of Bradley Nowell?! Anyway, I haven't really told anyone about my decision not to drink because I was expecting this reaction. Non-alkies do not understand.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Austin, TX from Philly, PA
Posts: 141
I am definitely not the biggest fan but I do enjoy Sublime, Long Beach, ect. I haven't tapped into the new stuff with Romeo? but I like the single that is currently out.
I have told people about not drinking, and it goes both ways. Some in my old city of resident would get offended as if you were trying to say you were better than them. Thankfully I do not live there anymore, but still, some people still laugh or get confused or just down-right can't comprehend life without drinking.
I have told people about not drinking, and it goes both ways. Some in my old city of resident would get offended as if you were trying to say you were better than them. Thankfully I do not live there anymore, but still, some people still laugh or get confused or just down-right can't comprehend life without drinking.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 29
Same here!!
I cracked down 9 days ago and realized that it is now or never and that I simply have to become sober. For the rest of my life.
After 12 hours of hysterical crying, telling my family, my boyfriend, I decided to talk to my best friend.
She did not understand me at all. All she said was "If you feel that you drink too much, maybe you should try to drink less, maybe just drink 2 glasses of wine or so".
WOW WAY TO GO BRAINIAC!! If I could drink ONLY 2 glasses of wine dont you think I would... That is why it is called a problem, because I cant stop drinking... I have tried to explain to her for a week now... But after last night I gave up, her response to my "confession" last night was "Do you want me to pop over with a bottle of wine so we can talk aobut this"...
Well well... Thats life... It is not her fault she is a peabrain, but it is annoying not being able to get support from your best friend in a situation like this.
All the best to you and do not give up! Keep posting and good on you for leaving your gf in this tough, horrible situation!
I cracked down 9 days ago and realized that it is now or never and that I simply have to become sober. For the rest of my life.
After 12 hours of hysterical crying, telling my family, my boyfriend, I decided to talk to my best friend.
She did not understand me at all. All she said was "If you feel that you drink too much, maybe you should try to drink less, maybe just drink 2 glasses of wine or so".
WOW WAY TO GO BRAINIAC!! If I could drink ONLY 2 glasses of wine dont you think I would... That is why it is called a problem, because I cant stop drinking... I have tried to explain to her for a week now... But after last night I gave up, her response to my "confession" last night was "Do you want me to pop over with a bottle of wine so we can talk aobut this"...
Well well... Thats life... It is not her fault she is a peabrain, but it is annoying not being able to get support from your best friend in a situation like this.
All the best to you and do not give up! Keep posting and good on you for leaving your gf in this tough, horrible situation!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Austin, TX from Philly, PA
Posts: 141
That's funny because it is 100% true. I never thought about not drinking as much....Im cured!
And everyone is different. I am not the stereotypical/mainstream idea of an alcohol inwhich I go through a case of beer a day. I have gone weeks and sometimes a month without drinking. It is the fact that if I do drink, dumb, bad, costly things happen. Additionally, I ruin any good habits I currently was involved in (proper dieting, exercise, better relationships, better social skills). That is what my gf couldn't see past. I'd hear "oh but everyone has a bad night or drinks a little too much here and there." She couldn't see past how destructive it was to my soul and spirit.
And everyone is different. I am not the stereotypical/mainstream idea of an alcohol inwhich I go through a case of beer a day. I have gone weeks and sometimes a month without drinking. It is the fact that if I do drink, dumb, bad, costly things happen. Additionally, I ruin any good habits I currently was involved in (proper dieting, exercise, better relationships, better social skills). That is what my gf couldn't see past. I'd hear "oh but everyone has a bad night or drinks a little too much here and there." She couldn't see past how destructive it was to my soul and spirit.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 29
Exactly!! Stupid happy non-acoholics. (Yes, it bothers me that everybody else can drink like normal people but I cant).. My drinking pattern is simply not healthy!!
I am just like you loudog, I do not drink every day from the second I wake up. I can have sober periods myself. But as soon as I drink I am trapped and I dont stop until I pass out.
It is not normal to wake up the day after you have been out and your first thought is "Thank god I am alive".
Second thought: "Am I missing any teeth".
Third thought: "Have I lost my phone".
That is not normal.
But the worst thing is probably what alcohol does to your soul and the anxiety that comes with it...
I am just like you loudog, I do not drink every day from the second I wake up. I can have sober periods myself. But as soon as I drink I am trapped and I dont stop until I pass out.
It is not normal to wake up the day after you have been out and your first thought is "Thank god I am alive".
Second thought: "Am I missing any teeth".
Third thought: "Have I lost my phone".
That is not normal.
But the worst thing is probably what alcohol does to your soul and the anxiety that comes with it...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Austin, TX from Philly, PA
Posts: 141
I think you hit the nail on the head. And it usually takes 3-4 outtings before it reaches that point. By that I mean, the first night or two, I'll drink one or two, and be social. The third night, I get pretty lit up, but still functional.
After the 4th or 5th, I go all out, shots, bombs, whatever makes me feel invincible. Dumb......It directly relates to how good I am feeling that day or in the past few days. It especially goes hand in hand with my exercisie routine! If I am feeling good after a few good workouts, and especially if I have a day filled with exercise and good news, I feel good. If I feel good, I feel careless and free. If I feel careless and free, I drink like nothing could go wrong.
And then like you have mentioned, I wake up praying I didn't get behind the wheel (this happened twice, and I practically went to a priest for forgiveness).
After the 4th or 5th, I go all out, shots, bombs, whatever makes me feel invincible. Dumb......It directly relates to how good I am feeling that day or in the past few days. It especially goes hand in hand with my exercisie routine! If I am feeling good after a few good workouts, and especially if I have a day filled with exercise and good news, I feel good. If I feel good, I feel careless and free. If I feel careless and free, I drink like nothing could go wrong.
And then like you have mentioned, I wake up praying I didn't get behind the wheel (this happened twice, and I practically went to a priest for forgiveness).
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
Just thinkin...those people who don't have a clue, aren't supporting us the way we want them to, think that all we have to do is limit ourselves to a few...They are like us a short while ago. Thinking we could handle it, not wanting to see how bad it is, hoping that there can be a different outcome, tired of the excuses, broken promises etc. They are limited by their life experiences, just like we are.
Just because we stop drinking/using doesn't mean we realize that the world doesn't revolve around us and our issues. Those people have their own life's challenges to deal with, cut them some slack if they don't have the time to deal with ours.
I know you were probably just venting, I guess this is me venting on the flip side of it.
Just because we stop drinking/using doesn't mean we realize that the world doesn't revolve around us and our issues. Those people have their own life's challenges to deal with, cut them some slack if they don't have the time to deal with ours.
I know you were probably just venting, I guess this is me venting on the flip side of it.
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