CatLover1234

I'm approaching the one year mark of when I went completely NC with my A and it's affecting me more than I ever expected. I thought by now he wouldn't cross my mind, but lately I feel an intense need to just hear his voice and I've shed more tears than I care to admit over him.

What helped me stay NC with him was reading an old thread on here titled "You think you're special", or something close to that title. It would really help me cope to read that thread again, but I can't find it. If anyone knows of it, would you kindly re-post it. I'm just needing to remember why I went NC and why even though I miss him and still love him, leaving him was the right thing for me to do for my sanity. Thanks.

Thumper

Sorry you are having a rough time right now. I'm on my phone and dont know how to c/p but the post you are talking about might be in the stickies under 'classic reading' towards the bottom of the first page.

Terminally Unique

Part 1 -

Part 2 -

wanttobehealthy

I don't know the thread you are referring to but it sounds like one I'd like to read. If you find it, will you post it again?

I understand that feeling of struggling. Holidays were hard for me and I had many moments of considering contacting my stbxAH. I didn't and the feeling passed.

This week I did contact him, looking for bread at the hardware store kind of thing and I posted a thread about how much of a mess I was after that.

Maybe reading that would help convince you not to break NC.

Thinking of you.

JACKRUSSELLGIRL

I think when you love someone, you will always think of them and have those moments. Cry away baby! It is totally normal and healthy.

That is the thing about Love, it is tricky and wonderful at the same time. Remember your first love, do you ever think of him? I bet he still thinks of you. Unfortunately, we fell for an A and loving them can be dangerous to our health. They are already slowly destroying their health with alcohol and we have to get off that ride with them or we will destroy ourselves too.

You have gone 1 whole year! Congrats to you for making that break and sticking with it! I know you do not feel like it right now but you have accomplished a lot. Trust me, breaking away from the A is one thing but STAYING away is the key (unless of course they decide to get healthy) and you have done it!

At times like this, I think it is best to just ride the waves of your feelings. This too shall pass. When you play the tape all the way through, would you really want to go back to the life you had over a year ago with an A?

Hang in there and hugs to you Sweetie!

lillamy

I have a slightly different take on this: When you have a relationship that hasn't run its course to a normal conclusion/breakup, you'll have those moments.

The love of my life (I thought) was a guy I had an on-again, off-again relationship with for close to 10 years. I was sure I couldn't live without him. (He was an alcoholic, surprise surprise...) He'd swear up and down he loved me -- and then he'd go back to his "other" girlfriend for six months. Then he'd come back and I'd take him back -- and then he'd leave and go back to her again. During one of those breaks, he married her, "for tax reasons." I still didn't get it. I still couldn't let go of him.

I went to a big whopping extreme to let go: I moved thousands of miles away. To somewhere I knew I didn't run the risk of running into him at the post office. Etc. I even got involved with an abusive alcoholic to really get away from the first alcoholic. *rolling my eyes*

I think you can tell yourself a lot of lies about someone you're not together with. They become like an imaginary friend. You forget or put away the horrid bad stuff in your mind or tell yourself it wasn't that serious. And the new guys you meet can never measure up because you're comparing them to someone you've remade in your head.

And maybe none of that applies to you, but that's what your post made me think of. How I spent so many years thinking about and crying over this guy. Who, really, when everything comes around, is just another guy.

blwninthewind

No advice...
but hugs!

and....I have gotten in the habit of copying and pasting certain threads and things that I know will help me if not today...later into a word folder in my documents file

the search is difficult to use and doesn't always pull up what I'm looking for using keywords...

the bonus is if I'm having a rough day I can print out something and just put it in my purse for reading when I have a minute.... keeps me grounded.

CatLover1234

Thank you so much for finding the post Terminally Unique. That post always puts my thoughts of him back into perspective. I will keep reading them until these sad feelings pass, because I am committed to NC when it comes to him.

And thank you everyone for responding with much needed hugs and ESH. I've needed them this weekend more than you know!

Jackrussellgirl, you are so right. STAYING away truly is the hardest part. But, when I play the tape all the way through my head and remember why I left, I muster up the strength and courage to continue NC.

Lillamy, this last break up was abrupt so it probably didn't run it's course to a normal conclusion. I'm sure this is why this still hurts so much after all this time. To stay strong I will continue to come here to draw on everyone's ESH and if the day ever comes to where our paths do cross again, I will be a much stronger person and not get sucked back into a roller coaster relationship with him ever again.

NYCDoglvr

I have experience with obsessionally thinking about an ex, someone I didn't even like or want to be with! It took a bit of work .... I went to Alanon and talked about it, I got very busy (fast walking is great). It will pass and you'll look back wondering why you every thought about the guy.........

CatLover1234

I'm longing for that day NYCDoglovr! I've been trying to keep myself and my mind as busy as possible to keep my thoughts off him. Been walking the door at the park more and reading a lot more. It helps, but I can see I still have a long way to go.

CatLover1234

Thank you for posting that Leise. It really described my Ex RA! In the beginning, he was so attentive, kind, sweet, loving, you name it. I thought he was the love of my life. But then he slowly started showing his true colors. Luckily my healthy self was able to see and feel that something was terribly wrong in this relationship. My gut instincts told me to get out and as difficult as it was to do, I went NC when I simply couldn't take the emotional abuse any longer. I must say, my relationship with a RA was the most painful thing I have ever experienced and which I learned a lot of valuable lessons. The main lessons being, HEED the red flags and LISTEN to what my gut instincts are telling me sooner rather than later. It would have saved me a lot of heartache and pain. Thank you again Leise!