Children's domestic abuse wheel
A jug fills drop by drop
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
I was in fact looking for the power and control wheel and found the children's one (which also helped understand things about myself...)
lillamy I also felt very bad for exposing myself to abuse with XABF, and other people in general, to behave like a doormat in many ways. I see that is still true with my mom, she is over 60 and she still gives power to everyone else. That is difficult to witness but it makes me more aware of instances where I do the same. Still today its difficult to place some boundaries but at least am aware of when something does not feel right. Progress not perfection my friend.
lillamy I also felt very bad for exposing myself to abuse with XABF, and other people in general, to behave like a doormat in many ways. I see that is still true with my mom, she is over 60 and she still gives power to everyone else. That is difficult to witness but it makes me more aware of instances where I do the same. Still today its difficult to place some boundaries but at least am aware of when something does not feel right. Progress not perfection my friend.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 3,095
I am sick looking at this realizing that the mental and emotional stuff my kids were subjected to (despite my thinking they weren't at the time) has totally impacted them.
My 1st grader cries at the drop of a pin at school and is anxious and scared to take a guess unless she knows the answer for certain. My pre-schooler is defiant and angry or babyish and overly demanding.
And I am the sober parent who could and should have protected them and my heart breaks into a million pieces each time I think about all that I should have done differently.
My 1st grader cries at the drop of a pin at school and is anxious and scared to take a guess unless she knows the answer for certain. My pre-schooler is defiant and angry or babyish and overly demanding.
And I am the sober parent who could and should have protected them and my heart breaks into a million pieces each time I think about all that I should have done differently.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Wenatchee, Wa
Posts: 17
Read "Another Chance" by Sharon Wegscheider. It really opened my eyes to all the symptons that have been there since my 13 yo was 4. It's an unbiased study of the family dynamic of alcoholism.
It's hard to see my children being explained in a book. I always thought that their actions were just who they were as a person. Now I understand why my 4 yo acts and looks 2, why my daughter talks to her dolls at 10, and why my 13 yo son has so much anger. I also understand why I used to wake up angry every morning.
It's hard to see my children being explained in a book. I always thought that their actions were just who they were as a person. Now I understand why my 4 yo acts and looks 2, why my daughter talks to her dolls at 10, and why my 13 yo son has so much anger. I also understand why I used to wake up angry every morning.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Hey, TC,
Thanks for posting that! I'm doing more trainings these days that include effects of DV on kids, and I'm surprised I never ran across that--it's great!
I've been reading (for work) another book by Lundy Bancroft (author of "Why Does He DO That?")--this one is a book for professionals called "The Batterer As Parent"--and it makes many of these points. Unfortunately, this particular book (the latest edition, anyway) is pretty pricy--$40-some bucks. But if you can find it in the library, it is VERY enlightening.
Thanks for posting that! I'm doing more trainings these days that include effects of DV on kids, and I'm surprised I never ran across that--it's great!
I've been reading (for work) another book by Lundy Bancroft (author of "Why Does He DO That?")--this one is a book for professionals called "The Batterer As Parent"--and it makes many of these points. Unfortunately, this particular book (the latest edition, anyway) is pretty pricy--$40-some bucks. But if you can find it in the library, it is VERY enlightening.
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