CalamityJane

...when my husband makes attempts to quit drinking that I get really angry and pretty much turn into a b*tch. What the hell is wrong with me?
When he talks calmly and lucidly, it makes me so angry! I can't believe how I can react in such a completely contrary way to him when it seems like is acting calm or making efforts to heal things.
I don't get it.

Last night he came home. He bought me a yummy loaf of bread.
He said dinner was good. But he was drinking and trying to talk about things that were just going to get us into an argument (because that is the way it goes)...so I kept telling him that I didn't want to talk about it while he was drinking because I knew where it would end up. But he kept trying in various (albeit calm ways). Eventually I just took my blanket to my baby sons room and slept in there on our spare futon. In the morning I felt guilty about doing that...but my anger was just building up so much that I knew that I was going to have a meltdown if I didn't get away from him. I still feel angry today.
Blah.
WTHell!

Feels good to get that out surprisingly. Thanks for the venting place.
CJ

Thumper

Maybe because he isn't attempting to quit drinking. Sounds like he says that to turn you upside down and still drinks everyday.

Living in that space where I was denying so many facts, listening to words instead of actions, and basing my actions/thoughts/perceptions off this fantasy in my head led me to my bottom. It fueled my confusion, my guilt, my bitterness, and an underlying anger and irritation.

dancingnow

WOW your post brings back memories. I remember my AH doing everything he thought I
wanted him to do, except be honest about his drinking. Telling me I should be happy that he blah, blah, blah ... and trying to talk with me as if we had a great relationship.

I hit my bottom when it became so isolating, when AH went on and on to other family members how he was going to AA and convincing them what a great guy he was dealing with this. Half the time when he was telling them this, he was drinking, not to mention he was drinking while he was going to AA.

Until I separated from my AH I didn't realize how much an A manipulates to maintain the denial and how I was hoping to have a relationship with someone who has to deal with their alcoholism first. And even now that AH may be not drinking we are still a long way from having a relationship.

marie1960

Sounds to me as if you are sick and tired of the daily bullsh*t that occurs when you live with an active alcoholic.

If nothing changes, nothing changes.
Keep posting you are not alone, peace.

naive

in similar situations, i became agitated because my requests weren't being respected...he just kept ignoring what i was expressing.

in your case, you asked not to discuss certain things and he kept pushing. he was not respecting your request.

consider what your boundaries are. it sounds as if you have decided not to have certain conversations when he is drinking. fair enough.

so, if he does that again, how will you respond?

i found it helpful to have a plan in place. then when he did it, i could execute my plan.

dollydo

Because you have figured out that he verbage means nothing. He doesn't need an audience to stop drinking, all he needs to do is stop and hop on the recovery train...no empty promises, just positive actions.

Your BS meter is has reached a 100%, soooo whatcha gonna do?

breath

As an AH I speak from experience, A is cunning, baffling, powerful. And PROGGRESIVE, if he doesn't take active treatment(A is self diagnosed and treated, only disease that is) he will just get sicker, things will get worse....there are no options, and A has never solved anyones problems. That is how I stay sober, there is no other option, unless I want a slow painful deathe that drags others with me on the journey until they leave me to die.