What the heck do I do now?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: ND
Posts: 14
What the heck do I do now?
Ok, so I signed papers on my AH to be transported to treatment due to the fact that he's drinking and driving all the time. I am wavering! I just got off the phone with AH and he has an interview tomorrow morning for a great paying job. The cops are supposed to pick him up there tomorrow morning. This interview is at 7:30 am and I don't know what time the cops are supposed to be there. I have my H back. I can tell by his voice. He wanted to file for divorce earlier today, but apparently has changed his mind. I know he doesn't want to go to treatment in the first place and now I don't know if I did the right thing!!! FYI, he doesn't have a valid DL. I'm not sure how he thinks he is getting to work because he can't drive my pickup anymore. 
Why do I feel like I want to stop this from happening right now????
Why do I feel like I want to stop this from happening right now????
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Really doesn't matter IF he gets the job or not, he won't be able to keep it, his alcoholism will ruin his ability to do a good job, let alone show up daily. Plus when the company runs a background check on him with no license they probably won't hire him anyway.
You don't have your H back, you are grasping for straws and trying to figure out how to justify not doing what you know you need to do....follow through.
You don't have your H back, you are grasping for straws and trying to figure out how to justify not doing what you know you need to do....follow through.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 447
Yup...what Dollydo said.
Stay strong....
i know it SOUNDS like your husband, and may even feel like him...but it's not.
It's an A trying to get his way, talk you out of doing what is best for him AND you...and tryiing to make you 'adjust' your boundaries on a situation by situation basis.
Maybe talking to him isn't the best thing right now...
because it does hurt and you want to believe so badly that he will land the job and all will be glitter and gold....but that isn't reality.
I missed whether you attend alanon or not...but maybe...give it a try.
It will help you identify where your strengths are, it will help you determine what you can reasonably expect and define what boundaries need to be in place. They won't tell you what to do, or pressure you to DO anything.... but make changes in YOU to help you find out those things on your own.
We all have our own boundaries, expectations and ideas of what our lives should be v what they actually are...and alanon really can help US wipe the fog off our rose colored glasses and truly see what we need to ...in our own time, in our own way.
Good luck...
stay strong...
Stay strong....
i know it SOUNDS like your husband, and may even feel like him...but it's not.
It's an A trying to get his way, talk you out of doing what is best for him AND you...and tryiing to make you 'adjust' your boundaries on a situation by situation basis.
Maybe talking to him isn't the best thing right now...
because it does hurt and you want to believe so badly that he will land the job and all will be glitter and gold....but that isn't reality.
I missed whether you attend alanon or not...but maybe...give it a try.
It will help you identify where your strengths are, it will help you determine what you can reasonably expect and define what boundaries need to be in place. They won't tell you what to do, or pressure you to DO anything.... but make changes in YOU to help you find out those things on your own.
We all have our own boundaries, expectations and ideas of what our lives should be v what they actually are...and alanon really can help US wipe the fog off our rose colored glasses and truly see what we need to ...in our own time, in our own way.
Good luck...
stay strong...
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Memphis, TN
Posts: 2,884
If I read this right he is due to be picked up tomorrow morning and taken to treatment. Now you are not sure what to do.
One of the best pieces of advice I was ever given is: When you don't know what to do, do nothing.
A lot of times if you are patient things have a way of working themselves out.
Your friend,
One of the best pieces of advice I was ever given is: When you don't know what to do, do nothing.
A lot of times if you are patient things have a way of working themselves out.
Your friend,
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 837
faithfulone, there was a time I felt like you very confused, my life was spinning out of control, couldn't decide on which way to go or turn to, but then I stepped out of the picture. It's been 6 months since I divorced my AH and I look back over the years of our marriage and what I once thought were normal years were totally dysfunctional. You are so close to the picture you can't see any lines and it's just a blur, I understand. Keep moving forward the picture will keep getting clearer .
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: ND
Posts: 14
Ok, I have done nothing! I have let go of the situation and prayed about it and I feel I have done the right things up to this point. I attend alanon, I know I can't control him, I have taken steps to get out joint checking account closed, I shut his cell phone off and told him I would transfer it into his own bill, but I won't pay for it anymore. I also told him he cannot drive this pickup unless he signs the title and claims it as his. I feel good today. I haven't heard a thing from AH or the cops. I have no idea if he has been picked up or not. And I am ok with that. I felt he was a danger to himself and others and that is the only reason I signed the paperwork to get him in for an alcohol eval. It is out of my hands from here!
Thanks everyone for you words. I reflect on them all!
Thanks everyone for you words. I reflect on them all!
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