Faithfulone

Hi. I am new to SR. I am just trying to navigate this place and figure things out. I am married to an alcoholic. He has gotten worse since I've met him. We were married in 2010 and I recently felt he was a danger to himself and others. I signed papers to get him picked up and transported to a treatment facility. This is supposed to happen today! He just called me from another town so it hasn't happened, yet. He didn't come home last night so I didn't even know where he was.

Last Saturday, I was forced to call the sheriff on him because he has been driving without a license in my pickup. I own it, licensed it, and insure it. I asked him the prior Thursday to meet me so I could sign the title over to him but he was mad and refused. So, Saturday, after being gone drinking all week, he tells me he is going on a road trip to see his son and he is taking my pickup. I told him he couldn't and he said I would have to call the cops. He didn't think I would. I told him I wasn't going to be used anymore and he didn't believe me or get where I was coming from. No matter, I had to call.

Now, since I won't enable him anymore, and he has to start facing the no dl deal (lost it in 1999!!!) he says he wants a divorce! He said he called a lawyer and he wants to sit down and get all the paper work going. Little does he know, the sheriff's department is looking for him.

This is all very crazy to me. I love him very much and I want him to want to get better and recover from this drinking world. But, I will let him go if that's what he wants!

LoftyIdeals

Hi Faithful...welcome to SR. I'm sorry you are going through such a terrible ordeal. Alcohol wields great power over us alcoholics. You are likely doing the best thing for both of you. I hope it works out for the best for you both.

You'll find a lot of support here at SR, and understanding. The thread for friends and family of alcoholics might be of particular help to you.

Good luck in your situation. Again, I hope you both are able to restore sanity to your lives.

SoCalDude

Hi Faithful.. sometimes people don't realize their rock bottom until they are all alone. I commend you for saying you want to hang in there and for him to get better -- unfortunately only he can make that decision to stop. If he seriously loves you more than drinking, then it is time to reconsider your own feelings for someone that loves an inanimate object more than his own wife. I put my wife through similar things.. I never disappeared, never drove like that, I was a homebody drinker, and I wish sometimes my wife would've stuck in there for me to reach this new awesome lifestyle -- however I don't blame her and her decision, it was right for her at the time, and hit the tolerance that she personally had.

If your husband is threatening divorce for his booze, I say good riddance.. It's time for you to focus on your recovery.. Attend some Al-Anon meetings (for families of alcoholics) and sit through with people that will identify and know what you're going through. You need to build your own support group now, for your own health, and especially if you're about to go through a divorce. It will be hard, but just remember the time tested saying, "You can't change other people." When he is ready, hopefully he makes that conscious decision to beat this addiction, and live a glorious life.. I'll keep you in my prayers...

Dee74

Hi Faithfulone

I'm very sorry for your situation, but for what it's worth I think you've been doing all right things for you, and for your husband.

I know you'll find a lot of support and advice here.
You might also like to check out our Family and Friends forum too

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

D

Faithfulone

Thank you everyone who replied! I appreciate all your thoughts! I have been going to Alanon and I believe that is why my AH wants out. He knows he can't use me anymore. I am firm and unwavering in my recovery and he isn't the sole source of my happiness anymore. I just looked over our joint checking account and it is again in the red. I don't see a future with him at this point, unless he says he wants help. I want help. Doesn't look like he does right now. And yes, if he really does want to drink over me, than I hope he is honest enough about it to tell me the truth. He doesn't even know what that is most of the time! I do know I can't help him anymore and I have to take care of me for the first time in my life! It feels good! I signed the paperwork for treatment because he drinks and drives with his 5 year old son all the time and I feel he won't stop until someone gets hurt. If he doesn't go, at least I tried to help the people on the highways and him and hopefully if something does happen, I will be able to deal with it a little better than if I didn't do anything at all. I was told that if he is a danger to himself or others I was to try and get him some help. It is now out of my hands. Thank you all again!

katrinka

You're right to sign papers/call police/stand your ground!! Think how terrible you would feel if that little boy got hurt, does his mom know this is happening? Kids do know when they are in danger and they are powerless to help themselves, it's very damaging to them.

Faithfulone

Katrinka, yes, his mom does know! I have asked her to consider not sending him over here so my AH would see he has to change his ways. I don't know what she is thinking but I finally called social services and now it is their hands. I had to do something since I don't even know where my AH is at this moment. I spoke to him once today and I just got off the phone with the hospital and he still isn't picked up to be transported. Not sure what is going on but at least my step-son is safe and I have made the right calls. Now, all I can do is let go and let God! Live and let live!

katrinka

You're doing all the right things, I think. I'm sorry you're in such a difficult situation, it might be better for your own sobriety and peace of mind if you took a break from all that drama your husband is creating.

Faithfulone

I am wavering! I just talked to AH and he isn't drinking. He has an interview tomorrow morning for a great paying job and I have the cops picking him up for transport to the rehab center. He is sober and no one will even believe he has a problem now. My old H is back. I can tell by his voice. I know him so well. He is excited about this opportunity and he has said recently that he just needs to work and stay busy. I don't believe that will help, but he has to figure that our for himself. I know he doesn't want to go to treatment. He is in denial and is just starting to think about this drinking deal. Why am I wanting to stop this from happening now??? I was so sure I did the right thing, now Im not so sure?!?!? He just told me everything he is doing. Where he's at, when he's meeting with this boss and that he will call me in a little bit. Now, I have this huge secret!!! I feel like I am betraying him and any trust he may have in me!!!

dawnrunner

How often do you want to replay this present script? Your partner is drunk, DWI, endangering people including his own, yammering at you, dysfunctional, and drunk drunk drunk.

And you are wanting to be in this script how? Do you want to be the one picking up his children at the police department, or the one viewing his body at the morgue, or the one whose vehicle was wrecked and who is now being sued?

Just think a bit about what you are involved with.

BlueMoon

Faithfulone -

read your 1st post in this thread
remember how you felt when you wrote it
don't back down

we're here for you

Blue

Cob

Regardless of his behavior you do control your own. If you expect him to be honest in all dealings with you then you should do likewise. Just because someone is sober doesn't mean they have the right to hide their actions from someone. I would at a minimum tell him that you've called the police...tell him why you did it...whether he believes you or not is irrelavent. But again...give him the same treatment that you want. If you want honesty and openess then now is the time to start. I don't blame you for second guessing yourself. We make decisions under pressure and then when the smoke has cleared we wonder if it was the right one. At the time you thought it was the right one to make and I believe based on what you've shared it was the right thing to do. On the other hand since you've been in Al-anon you also know that being honest and not hiding things from each other is important. If he is sober at this time and isn't hammered....now is the time to give him the heads up about the police looking for him. Give him the opportunity to do what is best for him based on what he believes. That is hard to do sometimes but my sponsor let me know that my partner had just as much right to make mistakes as I did and who was I to deny them? Anyways...peace to you and yours. I really hope you do what is best for yourself and your husband. Also remember this one thing please...it doesn't matter what "anyone" else thinks or believes...it's your choice to make...not mine, I don't have to live with the consequences of your choice and neither does a great number of people that you may be listening to...listen to your heart...and use some common sense at the same time...but please don't make choices based on fear that someone will believe you made the wrong choice. Make your choice based on knowing that if you had to do over you would do it that same way regardless of how bad it may seem. If you are honest with him and don't hide that information from him but allow him to make his own choices you may find that you like that way a great deal more than hiding. That's only a side thought. Peace again.

Cob