left but feel guilty, angry and sad!
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Join Date: Jan 2012
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left but feel guilty, angry and sad!
newbie here been reading prob for couple of years on and off, so first post. there are so many great people on here and is seems so supportive, have never posted anywhere before.
was with ExABF for 15 years, and early days were good, always alot of social outings and visits to pubs but never realised at time warning signs were there.
bought first house, remortgaged to pay his tax bill, moved nearer to his family and remained there for 10 years till i left. had DD, now 8, amazing little girl and the light of my life. had usual trials and tribulations, incl him being made redundant 4 times in 8 years.
early days with DD were good, he was hands on, helped with her. money became tight and i took 2nd job. started having to go to work late on his drop off days as he could not get up ( wine till 2/3am). if i tried to get him to some to bed i unstressed him, he needed more time and wine to destress again.
times where DD would use loo in night and see him sleep on dining chair, floor, back doorstep or loo itself. i would lie awake terrified house would be set alight as he would fall asleep while smoking.
somehow i put front on, did all the "hes not that bad) stuff, as he was a genuine good guy in the early days. really felt it was my fault as he would say i nagged, sucked life out of himand ruined him feeling happy. last april he became depressed and took to his bed, managed to get up at 7pm to drinl though. went to doc and diagnosed with depression, carried on drinking while on meds. in august things came to head when my parents told me things had to change for my DD. spent few days at home and when he told me was control freak, and he wouldnt be dictated to i realised it was over. think the hope i had of finding that good guy and hope we would be enough for him to change went and i realised i couldnt do it anymore.
lert with help of my family and here me and DD are 5 months later. she misses him and loves her Daddy, not sure how much she understands about his problems.
on whole have good days but at times still feel guilty for leaving, depriving DD of daddy and not being able to stick it out.
he sends no money for her as i left him to pay all the bills, says has cut down on drink, collapsed at xmas with withdrawal from alcohol, but now claiming it the stress i put him under
, oh and he is run down.
his family are now enabling him, phoning to get him up for work, giving him money etc. he is blocking off friends who mention it, a he says he is king of his castle and will do what he wants.
issue now is he cant be left with DD as not capable of ensuring her safety. wanting to take her on holiday with his new gf who i dont know and my gut feeling is no way, he can go to court if he wants. he not able to travel to see our DD due to nerves but can go to see gf and spend money on her.
i know i have done the right thing but feel sad my DD has lost her day, angry cos he is still so in denial and sad at what i have lost.
need to detatch and would love to have NC but cant cos of DD.
sorry for long post!
was with ExABF for 15 years, and early days were good, always alot of social outings and visits to pubs but never realised at time warning signs were there.
bought first house, remortgaged to pay his tax bill, moved nearer to his family and remained there for 10 years till i left. had DD, now 8, amazing little girl and the light of my life. had usual trials and tribulations, incl him being made redundant 4 times in 8 years.
early days with DD were good, he was hands on, helped with her. money became tight and i took 2nd job. started having to go to work late on his drop off days as he could not get up ( wine till 2/3am). if i tried to get him to some to bed i unstressed him, he needed more time and wine to destress again.
times where DD would use loo in night and see him sleep on dining chair, floor, back doorstep or loo itself. i would lie awake terrified house would be set alight as he would fall asleep while smoking.
somehow i put front on, did all the "hes not that bad) stuff, as he was a genuine good guy in the early days. really felt it was my fault as he would say i nagged, sucked life out of himand ruined him feeling happy. last april he became depressed and took to his bed, managed to get up at 7pm to drinl though. went to doc and diagnosed with depression, carried on drinking while on meds. in august things came to head when my parents told me things had to change for my DD. spent few days at home and when he told me was control freak, and he wouldnt be dictated to i realised it was over. think the hope i had of finding that good guy and hope we would be enough for him to change went and i realised i couldnt do it anymore.
lert with help of my family and here me and DD are 5 months later. she misses him and loves her Daddy, not sure how much she understands about his problems.
on whole have good days but at times still feel guilty for leaving, depriving DD of daddy and not being able to stick it out.
he sends no money for her as i left him to pay all the bills, says has cut down on drink, collapsed at xmas with withdrawal from alcohol, but now claiming it the stress i put him under
, oh and he is run down.his family are now enabling him, phoning to get him up for work, giving him money etc. he is blocking off friends who mention it, a he says he is king of his castle and will do what he wants.
issue now is he cant be left with DD as not capable of ensuring her safety. wanting to take her on holiday with his new gf who i dont know and my gut feeling is no way, he can go to court if he wants. he not able to travel to see our DD due to nerves but can go to see gf and spend money on her.
i know i have done the right thing but feel sad my DD has lost her day, angry cos he is still so in denial and sad at what i have lost.
need to detatch and would love to have NC but cant cos of DD.
sorry for long post!
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Welcome to the SR family!
Thank you for taking the time to introduce yourself to the rest of the family. Your story has that familiar tone as mine of trying to make it work and hold the family unit together.
I think you are a good mom for removing your child from a home where her safety and sanity were at risk (smoking and passing out; passing out all over the house). Seeing those actions repeated, sends a message that those behaviors are normal adult behaviors and acceptable. By removing yourself and your daughter, you are sending a healthy message that those behaviors are not acceptable - and you have the choice to stop living that way. Good on you!
I remember living with the King of the Castle.
The King had no room in his kingdom for any other royalty - no Queen, no Princess and no Prince. Just the King and others to do his bidding.
I realized one day that my happiness was important too.
My needs were important.
My life mattered!
Your life matters.
Your life has value and purpose.
Your happiness is important.
You deserve to be treated with love, respect and care by your life partner.
I wish you a brighter future as you recover from living with addiction.
I had to go NC (no contact) with the father of my child. It did not mean that we never communicated, it meant that I was only available for communications that involved finances and visitation. I treated the conversations as if I was having a business conversation - stick to the facts and leave the personal stuff out.
Is it possible to seek legal counsel about collecting child support for your daughter. Don't feel guilty about leaving him with bills and asking for child support. He is still drinking, right? He can afford something towards child support.
Keep reading and posting, we care!
Thank you for taking the time to introduce yourself to the rest of the family. Your story has that familiar tone as mine of trying to make it work and hold the family unit together.
I think you are a good mom for removing your child from a home where her safety and sanity were at risk (smoking and passing out; passing out all over the house). Seeing those actions repeated, sends a message that those behaviors are normal adult behaviors and acceptable. By removing yourself and your daughter, you are sending a healthy message that those behaviors are not acceptable - and you have the choice to stop living that way. Good on you!
I remember living with the King of the Castle.
The King had no room in his kingdom for any other royalty - no Queen, no Princess and no Prince. Just the King and others to do his bidding.
I realized one day that my happiness was important too.
My needs were important.
My life mattered!
Your life matters.
Your life has value and purpose.
Your happiness is important.
You deserve to be treated with love, respect and care by your life partner.
I wish you a brighter future as you recover from living with addiction.
I had to go NC (no contact) with the father of my child. It did not mean that we never communicated, it meant that I was only available for communications that involved finances and visitation. I treated the conversations as if I was having a business conversation - stick to the facts and leave the personal stuff out.
Is it possible to seek legal counsel about collecting child support for your daughter. Don't feel guilty about leaving him with bills and asking for child support. He is still drinking, right? He can afford something towards child support.
Keep reading and posting, we care!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 447
I agree.
Seek legal avenues to keep your DD safe.
She is NOT safe with him.
You should not feel even alittle guilty for leaving him with bills. You definitely should still get child support.
It is hard to take your DD away...but you did it for her safety.
Make sure you have your legal ducks in a row.
Seek legal avenues to keep your DD safe.
She is NOT safe with him.
You should not feel even alittle guilty for leaving him with bills. You definitely should still get child support.
It is hard to take your DD away...but you did it for her safety.
Make sure you have your legal ducks in a row.
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: somewhere better
Posts: 49
Originally Posted by Willybluedog 
So glad you are here, it is great that you decided to share, thank you.
Please know you did the right thing, your daughter will be much healthier in the long run.
Big hugs to you,
Bill
Please know you did the right thing, your daughter will be much healthier in the long run.
Big hugs to you,
Bill
thank you Linda
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pelican thanks for your reply i have seen your other posts on threads here and they are great.
the King of the castle comments made me well up in a nice way, i do deserve a happy life and am learning what that means. I never thought i would need to recover from the relationship but have learnt alot through reading on here.
feel like am becoming me for first time in years and was not prepared for all the issues i now have but will get there.
Pelican you are so right there is no prince or princess only slaves to do the bidding, enabling and cleaning up the mess.
i will seek legal council as feel it will get very messy when i say i dont want him to have her alone.
He now wants to rent the house and use the extra money to send us maintenance so he can move in with his new gf and her 4 kids. feel he is delusional and detached from reality
told me tonight i have moved on, he stuck in house with memories and its hard for him
he is still drinking ( signed off work for last couple of months) and not adressing it, had row with his sister who did not want her kid in his car. when he colapsed at xmas he had had our DD and a friend of hers in car, had it happened an hour earlier who knows what could have happened.
and all cos he had to cut down cos he was seeing me and DD:rotfxko
no more think your idea is a good one re only contact necessary, does your ex see your children alone at all, hope not too personal.
thanks for your response ((hugs))
the King of the castle comments made me well up in a nice way, i do deserve a happy life and am learning what that means. I never thought i would need to recover from the relationship but have learnt alot through reading on here.
feel like am becoming me for first time in years and was not prepared for all the issues i now have but will get there.
Pelican you are so right there is no prince or princess only slaves to do the bidding, enabling and cleaning up the mess.
i will seek legal council as feel it will get very messy when i say i dont want him to have her alone.
He now wants to rent the house and use the extra money to send us maintenance so he can move in with his new gf and her 4 kids. feel he is delusional and detached from reality
told me tonight i have moved on, he stuck in house with memories and its hard for him
he is still drinking ( signed off work for last couple of months) and not adressing it, had row with his sister who did not want her kid in his car. when he colapsed at xmas he had had our DD and a friend of hers in car, had it happened an hour earlier who knows what could have happened.
and all cos he had to cut down cos he was seeing me and DD:rotfxko
no more think your idea is a good one re only contact necessary, does your ex see your children alone at all, hope not too personal.
thanks for your response ((hugs))
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blwinthewind you are right she is not safe and he is not capable of ensuring she is whilst he is this way, i dont want to stop him having a relationship with his child but cant allow it whilst he is like this. he needs to prove he can be what she needs and in pit of my gut feel that will never happen. i will take legal advice and see where i stand. from internet in the country i am from and where we lived i have sole guardianship as we were never married, thank god for small mercies!
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
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My daughter is a teenager now.
We don't know if the A is sober or not. He sees her about once every three months. Together, they decide when and where.
I have learned through experience, not to force the alcoholic to keep a visitation schedule. I have learned to let the visitation happen when the A is willing to make a plan and stick to it. It often happens that my letting the A "off-the-hook" on visitation -results in no visitation.
I am flexible on visitations. I don't want to send the kids somewhere in an effort to force the other parent to be active in parenting. I learned I can not control my ex even after divorce. I am hurt to see that happen to children. They are forced on a parent, in keeping the schedule, when the Alcoholic would much rather be doing something that involves drinking.
(((hugs)))
We don't know if the A is sober or not. He sees her about once every three months. Together, they decide when and where.
I have learned through experience, not to force the alcoholic to keep a visitation schedule. I have learned to let the visitation happen when the A is willing to make a plan and stick to it. It often happens that my letting the A "off-the-hook" on visitation -results in no visitation.
I am flexible on visitations. I don't want to send the kids somewhere in an effort to force the other parent to be active in parenting. I learned I can not control my ex even after divorce. I am hurt to see that happen to children. They are forced on a parent, in keeping the schedule, when the Alcoholic would much rather be doing something that involves drinking.
(((hugs)))
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 447
I respectfully disagree w/ Pelican.
Allowing him to just come and go all willy nilly only continues to allow the A to manipulate YOUR life.
that is exactly why visitation orders are usually 'set in stone' ....with the days, times and all the details spelled out. It prevents misunderstanding and maniplulation.
Sure he should see his child. but not alone. Not in a car. Not without a court order and being that his own sister refuses to allow her child in a car with him and there was an incident already involving a vehicle...I would say you have pretty good reasoning to why you are concerned for her safety and a court/judge would see it the same way.
Allowing him to just come and go all willy nilly only continues to allow the A to manipulate YOUR life.
that is exactly why visitation orders are usually 'set in stone' ....with the days, times and all the details spelled out. It prevents misunderstanding and maniplulation.
Sure he should see his child. but not alone. Not in a car. Not without a court order and being that his own sister refuses to allow her child in a car with him and there was an incident already involving a vehicle...I would say you have pretty good reasoning to why you are concerned for her safety and a court/judge would see it the same way.
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thanks for your replies, had been sat having bad day thinking of what i had lost 14 years long time and was actually crying for the illusion of what had lost, needed reality check.
i do need the access set out i feel as he takes any opinion i have as an assault on him and sees it as a way to get at him, not me all i want is my DD to be safe.
i am sure she cannot be safe with him as he is and i want to ensure she is never left alone with him. a friend told me had gone out with him and found him passed out next am, had hasty cuo of tea and left, ExABF is now ignoring him.
it will need to be set out for us all to keep too, he is already moved next time he will see DD by an extra 2 weeks to have long weekend with his gf (seeing her 1 month and moving in with her). feel he is replacing people who are concerned with his addiction with new people who will fuel it.
feels helpless in some ways about DD and access as when lived there knew how bad he was/was not now have no knowledge, so suppose must assume the worst for her safety. its paramount i know. my DD is also very literal so likes to know what is happening and when.
thanks
pd am in southern europe so diffreence in posting times!
feel a need to have an honest talk with her about it all in child friendly way but what do you tell a child about addiction?
i do need the access set out i feel as he takes any opinion i have as an assault on him and sees it as a way to get at him, not me all i want is my DD to be safe.
i am sure she cannot be safe with him as he is and i want to ensure she is never left alone with him. a friend told me had gone out with him and found him passed out next am, had hasty cuo of tea and left, ExABF is now ignoring him.
it will need to be set out for us all to keep too, he is already moved next time he will see DD by an extra 2 weeks to have long weekend with his gf (seeing her 1 month and moving in with her). feel he is replacing people who are concerned with his addiction with new people who will fuel it.
feels helpless in some ways about DD and access as when lived there knew how bad he was/was not now have no knowledge, so suppose must assume the worst for her safety. its paramount i know. my DD is also very literal so likes to know what is happening and when.
thanks
pd am in southern europe so diffreence in posting times!
feel a need to have an honest talk with her about it all in child friendly way but what do you tell a child about addiction?
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Pelican did you have it set out initially, want to try the formal way first but doubt he will keep to it, she loves her daddy and tbh feel she will form her own opiniion as she gets older will be me picking up the pieces, hope to be proved wrong and she had a dad in some form in life .
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Pelican did you have it set out initially, want to try the formal way first but doubt he will keep to it, she loves her daddy and tbh feel she will form her own opiniion as she gets older will be me picking up the pieces, hope to be proved wrong and she had a dad in some form in life .
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
I'm divorced twice. Both ex's are alcoholics. Both had previous marriages before ours. Both had children from their previous marriages
I learned what not to do by what happened in their relationships concerning visitation.
In both divorces, we allowed the courts to establish standard visitation rights.
When my ex's call to say they can't keep their schedule this weekend because of x, y, z - I say ok. I make plans with my kids and let him worry about explaining/justifying his absence.
My first ex and I are still friends. His alcoholism comes and goes. We even have planned family vacations together, we plan celebrations together, and we accomodate holidays easily. He is married and has another child now. It is like a blended family. He has a busy life, and the kids have social lives as well. Visitation happens when it happens.
For the record, I do not live in the same communities with my ex's. When I did, I have always had the rule of "don't show up at MY door un-announced". I may not open the door.
I also have a rule with my kids "don't put me on the spot (especially asking in front of people) the answer will be an automatic NO". That prevents me from being the bad-guy infront of others. If it wasn't planned, I don't have to agree.
In both divorces, our divorce papers have standard visitation. i.e., every other weekend, alternate holidays, alternate birthdays, etc. It is up to the parents to enforce or relax that schedule.
In my recent divorce, it also states that our child can not be in custody of a parent around alcohol. It is up to me to enforce that.
What works for me:
Don't push the other parent into active parenting. This is the key! The papers can say visitation every other weekend, holidays, etc., but I don't push the kids onto the other parent "because the papers say so".
Don't expect the other parent to be there for the kids.
Be there for the kids.
Don't poor-mouth my ex. My children love their dads, warts and all, and I will not destroy that.
Give my children the right to say: I don't want to go with dad (not needed so far)
Explain addiction to the children.
Reinforce the fact that dad's absence had nothing to do with them.
I learned what not to do by what happened in their relationships concerning visitation.
In both divorces, we allowed the courts to establish standard visitation rights.
When my ex's call to say they can't keep their schedule this weekend because of x, y, z - I say ok. I make plans with my kids and let him worry about explaining/justifying his absence.
My first ex and I are still friends. His alcoholism comes and goes. We even have planned family vacations together, we plan celebrations together, and we accomodate holidays easily. He is married and has another child now. It is like a blended family. He has a busy life, and the kids have social lives as well. Visitation happens when it happens.
For the record, I do not live in the same communities with my ex's. When I did, I have always had the rule of "don't show up at MY door un-announced". I may not open the door.
I also have a rule with my kids "don't put me on the spot (especially asking in front of people) the answer will be an automatic NO". That prevents me from being the bad-guy infront of others. If it wasn't planned, I don't have to agree.
In both divorces, our divorce papers have standard visitation. i.e., every other weekend, alternate holidays, alternate birthdays, etc. It is up to the parents to enforce or relax that schedule.
In my recent divorce, it also states that our child can not be in custody of a parent around alcohol. It is up to me to enforce that.
What works for me:
Don't push the other parent into active parenting. This is the key! The papers can say visitation every other weekend, holidays, etc., but I don't push the kids onto the other parent "because the papers say so".
Don't expect the other parent to be there for the kids.
Be there for the kids.
Don't poor-mouth my ex. My children love their dads, warts and all, and I will not destroy that.
Give my children the right to say: I don't want to go with dad (not needed so far)
Explain addiction to the children.
Reinforce the fact that dad's absence had nothing to do with them.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: somewhere better
Posts: 49
Originally Posted by Pelican
I'm divorced twice. Both ex's are alcoholics. Both had previous marriages before ours. Both had children from their previous marriages
I learned what not to do by what happened in their relationships concerning visitation.
In both divorces, we allowed the courts to establish standard visitation rights.
When my ex's call to say they can't keep their schedule this weekend because of x, y, z - I say ok. I make plans with my kids and let him worry about explaining/justifying his absence.
My first ex and I are still friends. His alcoholism comes and goes. We even have planned family vacations together, we plan celebrations together, and we accomodate holidays easily. He is married and has another child now. It is like a blended family. He has a busy life, and the kids have social lives as well. Visitation happens when it happens.
For the record, I do not live in the same communities with my ex's. When I did, I have always had the rule of "don't show up at MY door un-announced". I may not open the door.
I also have a rule with my kids "don't put me on the spot (especially asking in front of people) the answer will be an automatic NO". That prevents me from being the bad-guy infront of others. If it wasn't planned, I don't have to agree.
In both divorces, our divorce papers have standard visitation. i.e., every other weekend, alternate holidays, alternate birthdays, etc. It is up to the parents to enforce or relax that schedule.
In my recent divorce, it also states that our child can not be in custody of a parent around alcohol. It is up to me to enforce that.
What works for me:
Don't push the other parent into active parenting. This is the key! The papers can say visitation every other weekend, holidays, etc., but I don't push the kids onto the other parent "because the papers say so".
Don't expect the other parent to be there for the kids.
Be there for the kids.
Don't poor-mouth my ex. My children love their dads, warts and all, and I will not destroy that.
Give my children the right to say: I don't want to go with dad (not needed so far)
Explain addiction to the children.
Reinforce the fact that dad's absence had nothing to do with them.
I learned what not to do by what happened in their relationships concerning visitation.
In both divorces, we allowed the courts to establish standard visitation rights.
When my ex's call to say they can't keep their schedule this weekend because of x, y, z - I say ok. I make plans with my kids and let him worry about explaining/justifying his absence.
My first ex and I are still friends. His alcoholism comes and goes. We even have planned family vacations together, we plan celebrations together, and we accomodate holidays easily. He is married and has another child now. It is like a blended family. He has a busy life, and the kids have social lives as well. Visitation happens when it happens.
For the record, I do not live in the same communities with my ex's. When I did, I have always had the rule of "don't show up at MY door un-announced". I may not open the door.
I also have a rule with my kids "don't put me on the spot (especially asking in front of people) the answer will be an automatic NO". That prevents me from being the bad-guy infront of others. If it wasn't planned, I don't have to agree.
In both divorces, our divorce papers have standard visitation. i.e., every other weekend, alternate holidays, alternate birthdays, etc. It is up to the parents to enforce or relax that schedule.
In my recent divorce, it also states that our child can not be in custody of a parent around alcohol. It is up to me to enforce that.
What works for me:
Don't push the other parent into active parenting. This is the key! The papers can say visitation every other weekend, holidays, etc., but I don't push the kids onto the other parent "because the papers say so".
Don't expect the other parent to be there for the kids.
Be there for the kids.
Don't poor-mouth my ex. My children love their dads, warts and all, and I will not destroy that.
Give my children the right to say: I don't want to go with dad (not needed so far)
Explain addiction to the children.
Reinforce the fact that dad's absence had nothing to do with them.
did not mean to requote whole post am on a forum learning curve, really relate to the last bit, i dont talk him down to my lo, she loves him and he loves her, i want him to have access and dont want to come in the way of that but cant allow unsupervised access as i feel she is at risk.
i get the same gut wrenching feeling i had when i lived it.
phone contact tonight and he wants to take her halfway across world on summer hol on a 10 hr flight, he hates flying and drinks to oblivion. told him not on and he went ballistic, saying he has rights.
he does indeed but so does she, has new gf who wants to be her friend on skype, told him to soon to tell DD when he sees her them think about introducing gf, i am the control freak again and saying he wont have it.
feel a long and hard road coming up, want this sorted out by court and then will deal with the fall out.
he has already moved visit for next weekend to end of month to suit him and gf but i am jealous supposedly and using DD as a pawn and dictating to him re his time with DD
his denial still so strong but i made him this way cos of what i did( leaving) and new gf is everythin he needs, doc has told him will take at least 6 months before he can cut back to safe drinking levels, sorry for rant and thanks for listening.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Originally Posted by onajourney
he has already moved visit for next weekend to end of month to suit him and gf
This is what to expect from an active alcoholic. They will continue to break plans while trying to shift the blame.
I encourage you to document this behavior and take it to a legal counselor. Learn what your rights are regarding visitation, long distance travel, overnight visits, etc.
Document how often plans have been changed.
Document how he is pushing a new relationship on your daughter.
Document everything.
Do you have documentation of rehabs, hospitilizations, etc?
One of you may show up going to court and whining to the judge and saying: "That's not true, no way did I do that"
While the other parent is presenting fact after fact after fact.
Which parent do you think will influence the court?
(court really doesn't happen that way here in the states, as the lawyer will be the one presenting to the judge - but the one with the facts will be the one with the influence)
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,059
doc has told him will take at least 6 months before he can cut back to safe drinking levels
keep documenting and let the courts sort it out. you have valid concerns about your DD safety whilst in his care. you have sole custody. you don't have to sign her passport application. you have sole custody. stand up for yourself and let him go ballistic.
i'll render a guess that he goes ballistic but yet will do absolutely nothing regarding going to court to establish his visitation rights. it's all probably a bunch of talk/bullying and little or no action will come of it.
and if you don't want your daughter to be friends with new girlfriend, just say no. that is well within your rights as the mother and sole guardian.
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
i know i have done the right thing but feel sad my DD has lost her day, angry cos he is still so in denial and sad at what i have lost.
1) His drinking created this situation; I didn't.
2) He will never see my point of view, it's a waste of my energy trying to explain
3) Focusing on future possibilities is time better spent than focusing on past hurts
need to detatch and would love to have NC but cant cos of DD
I have this deal in my divorce agreement. And the first time AXH sent me an e-mail about anything OTHER than the kids, I read the first paragraph and shot back an e-mail saying: "I just want you to know that any communication I get from you that is not related to the children will go unread."
And then stick to it.
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 447
ah, Pelican ...I totally get what you are saying now. I"m sorry I think I misunderstood.
My thinking it was complete...come on over, open door type policy was way wrong..sorry.
I know someone though...who left a perfectly good marriage, to go be w/ a drug addict/Alcoholic. Left the kids too.
Married said Addict/A. Had another kid.
The ex normie husband...lives close, takes care of ALL the kids (and there is more than you would expect)..and lives on constant beck and call of his ex wife because of the danger to all the kids from the addict/A new husband. they even plan vacations with both current and ex husband so the ex can handle 'situations' as they arise (and they DO arise being that addict/A current husband is a freaking trainwreck!).
It's ridiculous...but he wants ALL the kids safe, is a good man, if not a wee bit codependant... and knows his ex wife is off her rocker....so he does what he has to. he has had to run over there more than once and hustle the kids out of the house or calmed down the crazy addict who threatens to burn down the house...all kinds of wacko stuff. Unfortunately no one seems to think this is a UNACCEPTABLE living situation for the kids but he has no legal right to the 'new' kids and refuses to just take custody of his and leave them in that situation....
sad but true story.
My thinking it was complete...come on over, open door type policy was way wrong..sorry.
I know someone though...who left a perfectly good marriage, to go be w/ a drug addict/Alcoholic. Left the kids too.
Married said Addict/A. Had another kid.
The ex normie husband...lives close, takes care of ALL the kids (and there is more than you would expect)..and lives on constant beck and call of his ex wife because of the danger to all the kids from the addict/A new husband. they even plan vacations with both current and ex husband so the ex can handle 'situations' as they arise (and they DO arise being that addict/A current husband is a freaking trainwreck!).
It's ridiculous...but he wants ALL the kids safe, is a good man, if not a wee bit codependant... and knows his ex wife is off her rocker....so he does what he has to. he has had to run over there more than once and hustle the kids out of the house or calmed down the crazy addict who threatens to burn down the house...all kinds of wacko stuff. Unfortunately no one seems to think this is a UNACCEPTABLE living situation for the kids but he has no legal right to the 'new' kids and refuses to just take custody of his and leave them in that situation....
sad but true story.
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