Relieved She's Gone
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
Relieved She's Gone
When I think of what my life had become with my XAGF in it, I'm relieved I no longer have to live my life that way. It was just drama, day after day, week after week. She was incapable of the emotional and cognitive regulation that a healthier person may take for granted.
I met this morning with one of my friends from Al Anon, who's going through his own hell with his qualifier. He asked me what I learned from my experience. With hesitation, I learned that I was capable of deep love and empathy, and what the program has taught me to do is love in a way that I'm not as compromised. So, I made a really strong good faith effort. When I recognized that it wasn't healthy and only enabled my AGF, I stepped back and got out of her way.
So, today, I'm OK. Showing her compassion and praying for her safety has helped me. Being thankful for the gifts I do have and the people in my life has also helped. I have no desire to go back to a situation where I'm abused, taken for granted, or compromised. I have no desire to have her in my life ever again. It's simply not going to happen.
Reading the stories here and receiving feedback from all of you has helped more than you'll ever know. So, thank you.
I met this morning with one of my friends from Al Anon, who's going through his own hell with his qualifier. He asked me what I learned from my experience. With hesitation, I learned that I was capable of deep love and empathy, and what the program has taught me to do is love in a way that I'm not as compromised. So, I made a really strong good faith effort. When I recognized that it wasn't healthy and only enabled my AGF, I stepped back and got out of her way.
So, today, I'm OK. Showing her compassion and praying for her safety has helped me. Being thankful for the gifts I do have and the people in my life has also helped. I have no desire to go back to a situation where I'm abused, taken for granted, or compromised. I have no desire to have her in my life ever again. It's simply not going to happen.
Reading the stories here and receiving feedback from all of you has helped more than you'll ever know. So, thank you.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Zoso, don't look now, but your recovery is showing. I know this must be painful for you and you will have moments of sadness, but seeing it for what it is, is such a huge step.
I think that anytime we become too enmeshed in someone else's life, it is a healthy thing to take a giant step back and look at it from a better perspective.
You will be okay. Al-anon will surround you with support and friends who truly care.
Let today be a new beginning, a fresh start at a wonderful future.
Hugs
I think that anytime we become too enmeshed in someone else's life, it is a healthy thing to take a giant step back and look at it from a better perspective.
You will be okay. Al-anon will surround you with support and friends who truly care.
Let today be a new beginning, a fresh start at a wonderful future.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: new moon road
Posts: 1,545
I hope you continue to carry the message to others, zoso. When you first posted here, your pain was so deep and you were still reeling from the shock of the exagf's
conscious efforts to hurt you. You know what it is to feel that pain and you know also what to do to recover. You followed direction and now you are moving back into the light. You have a lot to offer and I hope whenever you get the opportunity, you will share your story.
It's called 12th Stepping.
conscious efforts to hurt you. You know what it is to feel that pain and you know also what to do to recover. You followed direction and now you are moving back into the light. You have a lot to offer and I hope whenever you get the opportunity, you will share your story.
It's called 12th Stepping.
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