buster123

i am feeling pathetic about my actions last night. I need help. Yes this is the morning after, and I just had my walk of shame.

I never thought I am addicted to alcohol. I still dont believe I am. May be cuz I dont know where hobby becomes addiction.

I drink because I dont have a life. I work, I come home, I drink. I am so bad I dont even go to bar to drink. I am perfectly ok to drink alone. On week days I drink about 6 light beers or 6 shots of hard liqour. Weekends are off the charts. Yesterday I downed a full bottle of vodka. I didnt realize that until I wokeup in the middle of the night with pounding head.

I am working out to take my mind off this. and I cant help but stop at a gas station on my way home. I am very resolved to quit drinking in the mornings. Evenings are a different story. Today I am taking this extra step. I need help and support to stop drinking from today.

Threshold

Welcome. Glad you are here.

I understand that wanting to stop in the morning, but in the evening...

I found that I truly began to recover when I wanted to be sober, not only in the morning when I was hurting from the night before, but when I wanted to be sober when I was feeling ok too. And when I wanted to be sober when the crap hit the fan. I had to want it all the time.

What allowed that to happen was for me to gain an understanding of sobriety beyond "not getting wasted"

As long as I looked at sobriety as going without something I enjoyed, I resisted it. When I realized it was a gift I gave myself, not something I took away from myself, my life began to change.

Sobriety is about all the good things I allow myself to have and do. I can't handle drink and drugs, they render me useless. Keeping them in my life robs me of so much life.

Being sober opens up opportunities for me. It is not depriving me of anything but misery.

At first I have to work on some finding some new ways to spend time and have fun, but that's a pretty small price to pay for getting all those problems and issues out of my life.

It can be hard to keep sight of what sobriety is about when going through withdrawals etc.

This site helps a lot with that. Reminds me why I am doing this when I get forgetful

I think you'll fin a lot of good stuff here

Anna

Hi and Welcome!

I'm confused because you say you don't think you're addicted to alcohol.

If that's the case, then you can simply stop drinking.

If you are addicted, then stopping drinking will be just the beginning, and the hard work will begin.

sissy07

Hi and welcome!

Keep reading this forum....there are a lot of examples of people that have lost almost everything. You can make this your bottom and get out before something really bad happens. And I guarantee you it will if you continue drinking like that. Life sucks if you are not healthy....and drinking as much as you are will age you fast. Please keep posting and let us know how you are. Best wishes.

quitforme79

Welcome buster. I am glad you are posting here. For me, taking that first step to stop drinking was always the hardest. You will need a big support system...do you have friends and or family you ca talk to about this? I am only 3 weeks in this time but I will tell you that I already feel better...please post again and let us know how you are doing.

saphira

Welcome. The whole morning/evenings thing is a common issue. For years I would wake up resolved to not drink but by 4 or 5 in the afternoon, I was wanting to drink really bad. So I would. The next day, I would say no more! And on and on the cycle would go. That's actually what really proved to me that I was an alcoholic. For the first time, I really wanted to stop and I couldn't. That was scary but also was my first step into quitting this for good.
I agree with Anna... a sure way to find out if you are addicted is to just stop drinking. People who don't have a problem find this easy-- they don't even think about it.

buster123

Thanks all for your replies and support. It means a lot. Its good to see people who experienced the same things and then came out of that. I dont know if I am addicted or not because, like you said, I never tried to quit. This will be my first real attempt. I successfully quit smoking cold turkey a few years ago. So, I always thought I could stop drinking anytime, IF I want to. I really want to quit now. I am dangerously close to losing my wife and kids if I dont give up on this habit. I emptied all the booze (like I did several times before). I will post again in the evening to update the status. Once again... thanks for being there for not just me, for all those who need help.

2granddaughters

A friend has this in his sig line, perhaps it will help you decide.

The difference between a problem drinker and an Alcoholic is that:
A) When the alcohol is taken away from the problem drinker, the problem goes away.
B) When the alcohol is taken away from the Alcoholic, the problem begins.


Wishing you the best in recovery.
Bob R.

buster123

Thanks Bob.. It sure makes sense. I hope/believe I am a problem drinker. We'll find out in the next few days. thanks for the support

langkah

Welcome Buster, good luck on your try.

GoMan

Hi Buster

You mentioned that you were close to possibly losing your family over your habit. Please understand that alcohol truly is "cunning and baffling" and DENIAL plays a big part with this addiction.

I only have 3 days sober but have been sober for more than a year a couple of times. The past year has been a real yo-yo for me as far as relapses go. I feel good about getting to day 4...

I have poured so much booze down the drain in the past only to stop by the liquor store to fill back up. That's crazy on my part.

I hope you don't end up losing your family over your habit while you figure it out! I have caused serious damage with my 24 yaer marriage over booze. I am an alcoholic.

Good luck Buster!

GoMan

artsoul

In my case, I didn't have a life because I drank. Or at least I didn't appreciate it. I felt like I was going through the motions most days until evening when I could have that first glass of wine. I wanted to stop but couldn't imagine living without it either.

This place really helped me see that I wasn't alone and helped inspire me to get sober. Things have gotten a lot better for me since then. Keep reading and posting....... Welcome!

Luckyv2

I drank to get drunk period.

I think all we have to do is not even worry about not drinking for the day...

Just don't drink right now...

scrambled2012

Wow, swearing off it every morning and changing my mind every day around 4pm, holy cow. Exactly, for like the last 3 or more years before I stopped, at the least.

Welcome Buster. You've come to the right place.

jocata

Yea, the solemn morning vow. I would forget that vow by the evening. Then the next morning, repeat. It's a horrible cycle.

You don't have to find out if you will lose your family or not over drinking if you stop now. There is alot of support here to help you do that.

Stick around, it might just change your life.

God bless.

Zebra1275

Welcome to SR, stick around and keep reading, it can really help!

buster123

First of all.. Thanks for all your encouraging comments and well wishes. It means a lot and keeps me motivated.

GoMan - I will do my best to get my act together and get my family back. Saturday night was an eye opener. Good luck in your efforts to get your marriage back on track.

Update on Day 1:

I dont consider Sunday as Day 1 as I was hung over till about 3:00 PM and my stomach was terribly upset. So today is the day. I went to gym straight from work. I felt thirsty passing the familiar gas station, but that was it. I am home. Not craving alcohol but got nothing to do. Normally beer will keep me company. Since I quit on that, dont know what to do now. I am bored but determined. For all those who are single but not looking, besides reading and tv, what would you normally do after you come home? Any suggestions?

Dee74

I felt bored for a while until I used my imagination a little about things to do...now I have a million things to do and not enough day to do them in Buster lol

Do you have any hobbies you've neglected or things you'd like to get into?

D

30andsober

Have you considered picking up a musical instrument? I am a half craving away from buying a violin on craigslist and searching for lessons on you-tube.

I find that being around ppl makes me want to drink even more. If that is not an issue with you may be you could attend some sort of special interest gathering? off-broadway plays with pre-show talks etc.

good luck and please keep us posted on how it goes.

liftandrun

I just got home too and have been updating my various training logs. I could work but am doing okay reading posts here and relaxing. I started painting recently and have a blank canvas on the easel right now (how apropos).

At the gym an old man was chatting with me and was surprised I only know one language, so thats something too. I imagine you will find something you enjoy to do or just go to sleep from the boredom, there are worse things.