painterman

Hi everyone, it's been a while since I posted a new thread. I have had such a hard time in my own head in recent weeks although I am going to al-anon and trying to stay detached. I don't recall the last time I had what I would call a normal evening with my partner-if she isn't drinking she's sulking or verbally aggresive- not a friend or a lover. Odd behaviour, sitting in the dark when I got home, she turned off the heating twice then denied it saying I must be going mad. I can feel the pressure building and sometimes I think she is driving me crazy. Both our daughters are home, one for the weekend from College, but she says she wonders why she bothered-it's so upsetting. I work as an artist and after years I have finally decided to take the spare downstairs room as studio (it's only used by my daughter when she's back to practise piano) so I put my foot down, we don't have to have a room for a showpiece-but what a scene.
It's part of the power struggle, but I realise I have been manipulated in a lot of ways. The madness continued just when I asked my 18yr old to tidy her room, she blew up and said if I want her to count on her support I'd better go easy on her! I said if her support is conditional I don't want it-but I feel like it's all going crazy around me-and I'm worried about boring all my local friends with the same old story. I have been thinking increasingly of just splitting lately, but it's scary the emotional and financial implications.
Thanks for listening!

EnglishGarden

So sorry for the gaslighting you are experiencing.

So sorry you live in fear.

One day you will find your strength.

It might be a good idea to keep a diary. Some help remembering the way you have lived and continue to live.

Wishing change for you. We all know the paralysis which precedes the action.

Don't be hard on yourself. You are a victim of emotional abuse and it's a difficult prison to break out of. People who have not been tyrannized will not understand how small you feel right now and how weak you are. But that is the natural outcome of being abused.

NYCDoglvr

My heart goes out to you in this wretched situation. What happened to me is one day I woke up and decided I can't stand this one more moment. All I can say, it's a process so please don't be hard on yourself. You started in the right place. Please understand you don't deserve this abuse and neither do the children. When an alcoholic is active nothing stands between him/her and the bottle (or substance). It is their mother, father, higher power, great loves of their life. Alcoholics have to decide they need help and get it. I recommend Al-anon where you'll find tremendous support from people who share your situation.

Keep reading ........there is a way out..

painterman

Thanks for that advice-sometimes I forget about detachment, sometimes things come to the surface and I just get emotionally involved instead of walking away-I realise that walking away is the ,most powerful tool we have-and communication with you folks!