Day 4
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 34
Day 4
This is only my second post on this site. I have been "lurking" for a few days. I am so grateful for the internet and this site. I guess I would describe myself as a "closet alcoholic". No one other than my husband would ever suspect I have a drinking problem. The vast majority of my drinking binges have happened in the privacy of my own home. I am a mom to an 8 year old boy, and in the process of trying to adopt another child, which makes this drinking even more shameful and embarrassing. If I have something in my medical file that hints of alcoholism, there is no way we will ever be able to add to our family.
Anyhow, I am doing this on my own, without help from the medical community. Fortunately, I was not SO physically dependent that it is dangerous. I won't say I haven't had physical symptoms of withdrawal, but they are manageable. I am on day 4 and have a raging headache, but I went to work the past few days and managed to get through OK.
My husband is being VERY supportive. We have a family member who is in the active dying process, and yesterday got extremely stressful. My husband gave me a big hug today and told me how impressed he was that I didn't have a drink yesterday, because *he* had one before I got home from work.
Am I in denial thinking that I can do this on my own with just the support of my husband and SR? Is it necessary to announce to the world that I have a drinking problem in order for full recovery? My biggest motivation for stopping is for my son and for some child who may not have even been born yet, who will join our family someday. I know that if I don't get my act together, that dream will never happen.
Anyhow, I am doing this on my own, without help from the medical community. Fortunately, I was not SO physically dependent that it is dangerous. I won't say I haven't had physical symptoms of withdrawal, but they are manageable. I am on day 4 and have a raging headache, but I went to work the past few days and managed to get through OK.
My husband is being VERY supportive. We have a family member who is in the active dying process, and yesterday got extremely stressful. My husband gave me a big hug today and told me how impressed he was that I didn't have a drink yesterday, because *he* had one before I got home from work.
Am I in denial thinking that I can do this on my own with just the support of my husband and SR? Is it necessary to announce to the world that I have a drinking problem in order for full recovery? My biggest motivation for stopping is for my son and for some child who may not have even been born yet, who will join our family someday. I know that if I don't get my act together, that dream will never happen.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,473
You should do what you are comfortable with.
I have been sober for years with the help of books and SR.
I do not tell people I know or family members for that matter, that I am an alcoholic. Being an alcoholic doesn't define me, and my recovery journey is very personal.
Good for you for working on your recovery.
I have been sober for years with the help of books and SR.
I do not tell people I know or family members for that matter, that I am an alcoholic. Being an alcoholic doesn't define me, and my recovery journey is very personal.
Good for you for working on your recovery.
My headach went away sometime after the first week. GREAT JOB!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Home - there's no place like Home
Posts: 974
Welcome Smartblonde!
I'm 15 days into my sobriety and pretty much on my own. I get alot of strength and validation here so do spend quite a bit of time reading the various posts. I have not attended any meetings, but do see a counselor once or twice a week for about 15 minutes a visit. Your husband sounds very supportive and your goal of adoption of a child is wonderful. Follow your heart and do what is best for you - we all have a different learning curve. Please keep posting and let us all know how you are doing - congratulations on your success!!
I'm 15 days into my sobriety and pretty much on my own. I get alot of strength and validation here so do spend quite a bit of time reading the various posts. I have not attended any meetings, but do see a counselor once or twice a week for about 15 minutes a visit. Your husband sounds very supportive and your goal of adoption of a child is wonderful. Follow your heart and do what is best for you - we all have a different learning curve. Please keep posting and let us all know how you are doing - congratulations on your success!!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,146
You're wondering if you stay sober you'll need to tell the world that you used to drink a lot?
No smartblonde, not required.
Adopting a child is a great motivator for you to stay stopped. Knowing that your child's lifetime experience of love and happiness is on the line will probably make any further drinking highly painful and guilt-ridden for you. If you drink anyway then you know staying sober is going to take more than a firm decision made for wonderful and critically important reasons.
No smartblonde, not required.
Adopting a child is a great motivator for you to stay stopped. Knowing that your child's lifetime experience of love and happiness is on the line will probably make any further drinking highly painful and guilt-ridden for you. If you drink anyway then you know staying sober is going to take more than a firm decision made for wonderful and critically important reasons.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 34
Thank you, everyone. I think admitting it to the world would be harder than abstaining at this point. It is a relief to know that not everyone thinks it is necessary for recovery.
**
On another note....This headache is wretched!!!
I tried caffeine, I tried to lay down... couldn't sleep because my head hurts so much. Maybe a shower and some fresh air would help?
**
On another note....This headache is wretched!!!
I tried caffeine, I tried to lay down... couldn't sleep because my head hurts so much. Maybe a shower and some fresh air would help?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: North America
Posts: 1,628
Aspirin and lots of water was all I could do. That would at least allow me to get to sleep. It didn't go away entirely for at least a week and a half. I was worried about more severe consequences then that, however, so I count myself lucky.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 34
seriously, scrambled! This is NOTHING compared to what most go through, so I will put on my "big girl panties" and deal with it! LOL
Thanks for the head's up about the headache lasting for a while. I should be thankful for some discomfort. Otherwise, I might trick myself into thinking that I don't really have a problem.
Thanks for the head's up about the headache lasting for a while. I should be thankful for some discomfort. Otherwise, I might trick myself into thinking that I don't really have a problem.
Powerless over Alcohol
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Trudging the Road to Happy Destiny!
Posts: 4,018
Awesome and congrats on you decision to live a better life.
And yes it is very easy to start feeling good and totally forget what your doing. Each relapse I ever had was due to not working my program like i should, feeling better then saying well a one's okay, then ect .
Keep coming back.
Good love, Inda
And yes it is very easy to start feeling good and totally forget what your doing. Each relapse I ever had was due to not working my program like i should, feeling better then saying well a one's okay, then ect .
Keep coming back.
Good love, Inda
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 35
Lots of water helps the headaches. Niacin can help your blood flow and has always helped me with occasional migraines. Also, for these first few weeks I have focused on getting a regular sleeping schedule. This helps all around with all the withdrawal symptoms. I use Melatonin and Valerian Root at night which makes me sleep like a baby without any residual effects the next morning. You can get all of these at your local pharmacy. Good luck.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 34
just came back from a good long walk! It felt really good. Especially knowing that had it been a "normal" weekend, I would have been well into the wine and would have had no desire to do anything of the sort.
And now, my son and I are off to get Indian food...yum!
And now, my son and I are off to get Indian food...yum!
Peace, Love, Sobriety
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Wilmington, DE
Posts: 1,549
Welcome. I wish you great luck in your journey. I am 30 days sober today and it is a daily struggle. The key is to stay as busy as possible. When you feel like drinking, find a hobby or a project around the house. Even better would be work on craft projects with your son.
I wish you great luck in your journey. I am 30 days sober today and it is a daily struggle. The key is to stay as busy as possible. When you feel like drinking, find a hobby or a project around the house. Even better would be work on craft projects with your son. Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
Like others have said - whatever works - some use just SR, others use other things as well - some tell the world, some don't.
you'll find a lot of support and advice here anyway as you go on
FWIW, more water and less caffeine helped my headaches
Welcome to SR smartblonde
D
you'll find a lot of support and advice here anyway as you go on
FWIW, more water and less caffeine helped my headaches
Welcome to SR smartblonde
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Western, MA
Posts: 22
Hi Smartblonde,
I'm also on day 4, and it ain't easy. I know you have schedule issues with child care, but if you can work it in, I just went to my first AA meeting and rather enjoyed it. If you can work a couple in here and there you may find them to be a help. I've been to exactly one meeting, so I am certainly no expert, but I did find it helpful. Good Luck!
I'm also on day 4, and it ain't easy. I know you have schedule issues with child care, but if you can work it in, I just went to my first AA meeting and rather enjoyed it. If you can work a couple in here and there you may find them to be a help. I've been to exactly one meeting, so I am certainly no expert, but I did find it helpful. Good Luck!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 34
Thanks Trop...I may someday go to a live meeting, but I think you may have me confused with another poster. I have a child, but my husband would be happy to watch him if I felt that I needed/wanted to go. I am very fortunate to have support at home.
Unfortunately, I am pretty sure that if I said, I think I am going to have a glass of wine tonight, he would be supportive of that too.
Unfortunately, I am pretty sure that if I said, I think I am going to have a glass of wine tonight, he would be supportive of that too.
Peace, Love, Sobriety
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Wilmington, DE
Posts: 1,549
Yeah that is the main thing with coming clean. It is extremely difficult to do so if your partner still drinks. I'm 30 days clean and my boyfriend is as well, he went cold turkey with me when I quit and he promised to stay sober as long as I do.
Perhaps you could sit down with your Husband and tell him "listen, I think I have a problem, would you be willing to quit drinking with me for support?" or at the very least maybe ask him not to drink around you?
Perhaps you could sit down with your Husband and tell him "listen, I think I have a problem, would you be willing to quit drinking with me for support?" or at the very least maybe ask him not to drink around you?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 34
need to clarify...my husband is wonderfully supportive. I told him I had a problem. Not the other way around. He knows that I have been drinking too much, but I don't think he truly understands the extent of the issue. When I decided on my own to stop drinking, he decided all on his own to not drink in front of me. I told him that he isn't the one with the problem, (he can have one and sometimes not even finish it). *I* am the one with the problem and if he wants to have a beer or a drink, fine by me. His response was that he was proud of me and wasn't going to sabotage my efforts.
The thing is, he is an enabler by nature. He grew up in a household with addiction issues. His mother was a huge enabler to my father-in-law and now she is taking care of him while he is sick with throat cancer and COPD. My husband has adopted her ways.
If I said, "you know, I have been doing a lot of reading, and according to this website, I don't *really* have a drinking problem. Maybe I should just cut back." He would completely support that decision of mine and would be happy to go buy me a bottle of wine....fully believing that I wouldn't drink the whole bottle. Then, if I DID drink the whole bottle, and I said, "I shouldn't have done that, but with all this stress I am under at work, I slipped." He wouldn't have an issue with it. Then if I needed to sleep off a hangover, he would gladly get up with my son.
He will support me....but he won't "call me out" like someone who truly understands how manipulative an alcoholic can be.
The thing is, he is an enabler by nature. He grew up in a household with addiction issues. His mother was a huge enabler to my father-in-law and now she is taking care of him while he is sick with throat cancer and COPD. My husband has adopted her ways.
If I said, "you know, I have been doing a lot of reading, and according to this website, I don't *really* have a drinking problem. Maybe I should just cut back." He would completely support that decision of mine and would be happy to go buy me a bottle of wine....fully believing that I wouldn't drink the whole bottle. Then, if I DID drink the whole bottle, and I said, "I shouldn't have done that, but with all this stress I am under at work, I slipped." He wouldn't have an issue with it. Then if I needed to sleep off a hangover, he would gladly get up with my son.
He will support me....but he won't "call me out" like someone who truly understands how manipulative an alcoholic can be.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,581
Hi smartblonde..congrats to you for deciding to quit!! I hear ya..my husband sounds like yours. I decided not to use him for my main support system, I use SR for that. He just doesn't really understand the addiction thing, and the mental obsession part. He can party one night and then not think about it again for a long time. I would always be thinking about the next time I could drink again. We're wired differently, I believe. I didn't even really talk to him much about it in the beginning (March '11). I just came here, read books and got time under my belt. The more time that goes by, the easier it gets. I don't think about it much anymore..it's SO freeing. Oh, and my headaches lasted about 10 days..hang in there!!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,308
Hi Smartblonde,
You seem to have figured some important things out, especially your husband,bless him.
Nonsense to have to tell the world.
Your post got me thinking. Is it that important, why we drink, more important that we realize the harm it is doing and that for us it will only get worse.
All the best
CaiHong
You seem to have figured some important things out, especially your husband,bless him.
Nonsense to have to tell the world.
Your post got me thinking. Is it that important, why we drink, more important that we realize the harm it is doing and that for us it will only get worse.
All the best
CaiHong
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