Danica2011

I was here last october, but only lasted three weeks. I want to stop drinking and I know that I need to. It's ruining my life. My relationship with my partner and my self esteem. I am not going to drink today. I have to remember how I'm feeling now so that I can make the choice not to drink the next time the opportunity comes up. (tonight????) God I need help. I hurt my partner last night and said some terrible things. It's been happening more and more and it has to stop or I will lose everything.

So, I'm back. I'm doing this. I'm going to practice playing the tape to the end....

soberjim

Hi Danica...Welcome back! You lasted three weeks in October. You CAN do this.

Jim

Anna

Yes, unfortunately, that's what we do as the disease progresses.

Save this post and read it over again if you feel like you're going to drink. Or keep a journal and re-read your thoughts about how you feel right now.

You can do this.

Marius76

Danica, I think most of us have been there, being horrible to a loved one or someone close to us is a big wake-up call, I have done that and the guilt was one big factor in me quitting.

You can do it too and your partner will respect the big effort you'll be making. Remember that there is always support here, 24/7

IndaMiricale

Welcome back

I have had more than one day one. But I did learn something each time which I think is so important.

So here to your day one, keep coming here.

Good love, Inda

Danica2011

Thank you for your replies. It means so much. I need you guys so much.... Beating myself up all day but feeling good about recognizing once again that I have to change things.... My partner said he would support me every step of the way. He threw his bottle of scotch down the drain last night... he doesn't have a problem, but knows I do. He wants to support me. I want to be better...

Thank you all again.

IndaMiricale

Thats great to hear about your support.

Just thought I would let you know my sponsor only aloud me to beat myself up for 1 day after relapsing. Then use the saying own it , face it , leave it.

Good love, Inda

saphira

I have had a few different attempts at staying sober as well. And I DEFINITELY know what it's like to say the most horrible things to your partner. I honestly cannot believe the things I have said to my husband over the years. Things I wouldn't say to someone I genuinely hated... I have made him feel as low as humanly possible and that's something I will have to live with. And honestly, even when I got sober, there was still a lot of resentment to be dealt with. We've gotten through a lot of it, although there are still some issues that remain (things I've said about him in bed have created A LOT of problems with his self esteem) but we are slowly working through them.
One of the most recent payoffs to being sober was last night. My husband and I were just sitting at the kitchen table and out of nowhere he said that I am so fun to be around now that I'm not drinking. Such a small comment but it really made an impact with me because it occurred to me that nobody has said that to me for years. It really makes me feel like I am getting somewhere.
I'm glad to hear that your partner is going to stand by you. I think it's such a hard position that we put these loved ones of ours in. I don't remember half of what I've said to my husband but each comment is ingrained in his head for good. It still is possible to get through it together though.

NewMe11109

Hi Danica - we've all done things to hurt others in the past, the key is to own your mistakes, fix them (if possible), say you are sorry, and then move on.

I found that I couldn't stop drinking without actively working a program of recovery. SR is great, AA, other programs too, the point is that I couldn't do it alone.

Have you reached out to others beyond SR? There are a lot of resources out there. Don't try to do this alone!

Dee74

welcome back Danica
This is a good place to be

D

CaiHong

welcome back Danica,
Do you have a plan, a program to stay sober?
it is great that your partner is supportive, you can do it.
caiHong

artsoul

Glad you're back Danica! Better days are ahead......

Hevyn

Hi Danica. My personality changed drastically when I drank. I became a different person, argumentative and nasty - when I'm just the opposite in reality. I couldn't imagine giving it up, so I tried for years to be a social drinker. I insisted all I needed was willpower to control the amounts I drank. I almost lost my life proving I couldn't touch alcohol.

I'm glad you're trying again & that you're here with us. We all understand and support you. You can do it this time & have a beautiful life.