Dealing with the aftermath
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 85
Dealing with the aftermath
Hi all,
It's day 3 for me, and I was going strong until I read a message on my facebook page from a friend that I became abusive with in a drunken fit. We had been sending messages back and forth yesterday. I apologized to her, told her that I was trying to get help, and that I understood that she didn't want to talk to me. Things seemed fine, until about an hour ago, when I got a new message of her just bashing me and telling me that I should be in jail, that I need help, that my message to her yesterday was shallow.
I understand all of this... she told me these things in our original messages. Now, it almost feels like she is harrassing me, but the reason that it bothers me so much, yes, I know, is because it is from my own doing. And I know that in a way this is good for me... but it still makes **** hard. I have no desire to drink at all... it just hurts my head. I guess all I can do is move forward, and try to make ammends to her later after I have some more time under my belt. It just hurts me that this is my life right now. Trying not to feel sorry for myself and be strong. I think it's time to take the dogs down to the beach today and get some air.
Kat
It's day 3 for me, and I was going strong until I read a message on my facebook page from a friend that I became abusive with in a drunken fit. We had been sending messages back and forth yesterday. I apologized to her, told her that I was trying to get help, and that I understood that she didn't want to talk to me. Things seemed fine, until about an hour ago, when I got a new message of her just bashing me and telling me that I should be in jail, that I need help, that my message to her yesterday was shallow.
I understand all of this... she told me these things in our original messages. Now, it almost feels like she is harrassing me, but the reason that it bothers me so much, yes, I know, is because it is from my own doing. And I know that in a way this is good for me... but it still makes **** hard. I have no desire to drink at all... it just hurts my head. I guess all I can do is move forward, and try to make ammends to her later after I have some more time under my belt. It just hurts me that this is my life right now. Trying not to feel sorry for myself and be strong. I think it's time to take the dogs down to the beach today and get some air.
Kat
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Austin, Texas
Posts: 1,387
Yeah,
I have done some things that I still can't handle thinkiing about. I admire you for extending an olive branch, but just like you need time to process the past, she probably does too. Give it time. There is not much worse than regretting the past and not being able to "fix it". Lord knows I have been there, and most of us have. I would suggest chilling on it for awhile. I know it hurts, and I am so sorry. I had a real hard time getting sober because when I became sober I realized how terrible I had been to other people, and basically had gone agains every principle I ever had. I have gotten past that by making amends (when those I hurt were ready to accept them) and the lived my life the way that I should have led it all along. You are not a bad person, and I am not either. We are sick, and were not ourselves under the influence - or even immediately afterwords, when trying to cover up what we had done. Don't let this negativity drive you down. If I were you I would delete her words from Facebook....she sounds like a very vindictive person, with no understanding of substance abuse. Even if she "gets it" she should know that those unkind words do not help you at this point. Live your life with integrity and love....and forgive her for hateful words. (I am not exactly profound, but hopefully this will help you.) You are recovering from a disease that can turn a kind loving person into something they don't even recognize. Apologize to those that can handle it....the others just need time (and you can show them how sincere you are by living your life differently.) I am sorry you have to go through this - I went through this, and it is harder when you have to face all that you have done when you are sober. Hang in there - and remember you were under the influence. You sound like a decent guy trying to make things right. Don't let her throw you. She does not understand. Love and peace.
I have done some things that I still can't handle thinkiing about. I admire you for extending an olive branch, but just like you need time to process the past, she probably does too. Give it time. There is not much worse than regretting the past and not being able to "fix it". Lord knows I have been there, and most of us have. I would suggest chilling on it for awhile. I know it hurts, and I am so sorry. I had a real hard time getting sober because when I became sober I realized how terrible I had been to other people, and basically had gone agains every principle I ever had. I have gotten past that by making amends (when those I hurt were ready to accept them) and the lived my life the way that I should have led it all along. You are not a bad person, and I am not either. We are sick, and were not ourselves under the influence - or even immediately afterwords, when trying to cover up what we had done. Don't let this negativity drive you down. If I were you I would delete her words from Facebook....she sounds like a very vindictive person, with no understanding of substance abuse. Even if she "gets it" she should know that those unkind words do not help you at this point. Live your life with integrity and love....and forgive her for hateful words. (I am not exactly profound, but hopefully this will help you.) You are recovering from a disease that can turn a kind loving person into something they don't even recognize. Apologize to those that can handle it....the others just need time (and you can show them how sincere you are by living your life differently.) I am sorry you have to go through this - I went through this, and it is harder when you have to face all that you have done when you are sober. Hang in there - and remember you were under the influence. You sound like a decent guy trying to make things right. Don't let her throw you. She does not understand. Love and peace.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,180
Hi Kat
The number of times I've done this is awful. FB is a bad invention!!
I agree with Sissy. You need to concentrate on yourself at this stage as are vulnerable. Time will hopefully heal the rift. I also agree that she doesn't sound very understanding when she knows what you are going through at the current time.
Maybe just delete the messages and don't contact her for some time. She may calm down, she may not but there is nothing that you can do now to change or control what your friend does or says. the only thing you can control is how you react to her. Stay strong and Congrats on your 3 days!
The number of times I've done this is awful. FB is a bad invention!!
I agree with Sissy. You need to concentrate on yourself at this stage as are vulnerable. Time will hopefully heal the rift. I also agree that she doesn't sound very understanding when she knows what you are going through at the current time.
Maybe just delete the messages and don't contact her for some time. She may calm down, she may not but there is nothing that you can do now to change or control what your friend does or says. the only thing you can control is how you react to her. Stay strong and Congrats on your 3 days!
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
To move forward I had to stop blaming and fighting others (It's a work in progress for me). Focusing on staying well and making a positive contribution to those we meet and our community we can start doing today, even if it is in a small way. The daily practice of gratitude (see section in forums) can assist with this if practiced every day.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
Sometimes, it's best to just back away from someone, at least for awhile. I had to do that in early recovery. I felt so vulnerable and I couldn't risk someone hurting me.
Try to remember that you can offer your heartfelt apologies to her, but she may never accept it. And, that's okay.
Try to remember that you can offer your heartfelt apologies to her, but she may never accept it. And, that's okay.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
I agree it's probably best to delete the messages and leave that person be for a while.
If she persists then you can hide her, or block here or whatever it is they do on FB these days
Focus on you for now - you'll be able to better deal with making amends and all that kind of thing later on when you're stronger in yourself and more secure in your recovery
D
If she persists then you can hide her, or block here or whatever it is they do on FB these days
Focus on you for now - you'll be able to better deal with making amends and all that kind of thing later on when you're stronger in yourself and more secure in your recovery
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Home - there's no place like Home
Posts: 974
Kat my real time best friend and I have not spoken since last week when I ignored her "r u working" text knowing that was the signal to have a bottle or two of wine while listening to her lament about all the things in her life that I have heard over and over and over again. I love her but I can't be around her right now. We are no good for each other in the drinking department and I know that I am not strong enough at this point to put myself in the danger zone. My friend has the best of intentions and is a wonderful, kind and loving person who is addicted to alcohol, just like me. I have other friends who are mean and vindictive and quite frankly, I have no room for venomous people in my life - do you? Congratulations and remember we are all just pilgrims on this path to sobriety - glad you are here!
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