Back again after long absence
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 2
Back again after long absence
Hi all (again)--
I was a member here a few years ago and this place was completely awesome as for helping me make it from the point I decided to quit alcohol up to the point of a year+ worth of complete sobriety. Then I decided it would be ok to drink a little, then I started having relationship problems, then those problems subsided, then came back with a vengeance. I have my reasons for not wanting to be too specific. Anyway, I'm finding it more and more difficult to keep my drinking in check the worse my problems get, and I am afraid I am going to make a stupid mistake that I cannot afford. So I am back here on SR. I need to just take my alcohol consumption back to zero and I believe the only way to do that is to get on here daily and keep myself reminded of that fact.
The reason I originally quit was because I saw myself hurting my family because of my drinking. I never went to jail, never lost a job, etc., but I was doing damage to my health and family. Was not being the best person I could be. While I was "quit" I did really well, but had almost constant temptations that I did successfully fight off. After that one-year mark I decided to become a social drinker once again and for the most part that worked for me. I did not slip back into my old patterns. Oddly enough, my relationship problems were only tangentially related to alcohol.
I find myself in the death stage of a long relationship right now and I am having a lot of trouble resisting the urge to drink. Oddly enough these urges come on the days when I feel my best and happiest in spite of the hell I am going through. It's like I want to celebrate my happiness when it does come, rather than drow my sorrows when they hit me.
So, I need everyone's help if you can give it. I need to hit some 30-60-90+++ marks just to break what could be a dangerous pattern.
I was a member here a few years ago and this place was completely awesome as for helping me make it from the point I decided to quit alcohol up to the point of a year+ worth of complete sobriety. Then I decided it would be ok to drink a little, then I started having relationship problems, then those problems subsided, then came back with a vengeance. I have my reasons for not wanting to be too specific. Anyway, I'm finding it more and more difficult to keep my drinking in check the worse my problems get, and I am afraid I am going to make a stupid mistake that I cannot afford. So I am back here on SR. I need to just take my alcohol consumption back to zero and I believe the only way to do that is to get on here daily and keep myself reminded of that fact.
The reason I originally quit was because I saw myself hurting my family because of my drinking. I never went to jail, never lost a job, etc., but I was doing damage to my health and family. Was not being the best person I could be. While I was "quit" I did really well, but had almost constant temptations that I did successfully fight off. After that one-year mark I decided to become a social drinker once again and for the most part that worked for me. I did not slip back into my old patterns. Oddly enough, my relationship problems were only tangentially related to alcohol.
I find myself in the death stage of a long relationship right now and I am having a lot of trouble resisting the urge to drink. Oddly enough these urges come on the days when I feel my best and happiest in spite of the hell I am going through. It's like I want to celebrate my happiness when it does come, rather than drow my sorrows when they hit me.
So, I need everyone's help if you can give it. I need to hit some 30-60-90+++ marks just to break what could be a dangerous pattern.
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
All I can say, DivDad, is good catch. You are frightened to death of going back down that rabbit hole you escaped from so recently, and you want to make sure that can't ever happen.
If you would like to put your situation in perspective, just hang around this Newcomers' forum. You obviously know that almost every post here is started by a member who looks at a year's sobriety as a dream, a fantasy, an impossible goal. They will tell you how important and valuable sobriety would be to them, if only they could just get there. They will tell you, if your memory is broken, that social drinking became anti-social drinking very quickly, and then life threatening as self control and self esteem walked away hand in hand.
You have a lot to offer here to newcomers to sobriety, DivDad. Please share your advice and experience, it will be most welcome. Your credibility would be improved a lot with one small change to your lifestyle however. Make that change, and get useful around here, ok?
If you would like to put your situation in perspective, just hang around this Newcomers' forum. You obviously know that almost every post here is started by a member who looks at a year's sobriety as a dream, a fantasy, an impossible goal. They will tell you how important and valuable sobriety would be to them, if only they could just get there. They will tell you, if your memory is broken, that social drinking became anti-social drinking very quickly, and then life threatening as self control and self esteem walked away hand in hand.
You have a lot to offer here to newcomers to sobriety, DivDad. Please share your advice and experience, it will be most welcome. Your credibility would be improved a lot with one small change to your lifestyle however. Make that change, and get useful around here, ok?
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,526
Welcome back DivDad. This is the best place for you - filled with wise people who've been where you have. I know you can get it right this time. It took me a few tries, but I finally made it out of hell.
Sorry for what you're going through. It's so easy to reach out for that quick fix - getting numb to buffer ourselves from the pain. It doesn't really help, though - just anesthetizes us for awhile. The problems are still there when we sober up, and now we have another problem - we're hung over and disgusted with ourselves. You don't have to go there anymore. We're with you as you get well - keep talking.
Sorry for what you're going through. It's so easy to reach out for that quick fix - getting numb to buffer ourselves from the pain. It doesn't really help, though - just anesthetizes us for awhile. The problems are still there when we sober up, and now we have another problem - we're hung over and disgusted with ourselves. You don't have to go there anymore. We're with you as you get well - keep talking.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome back, DivDad!
I tried the social-drinking experiment too... (actually, twice), but never could convince myself to be happy with an occasional drink here or there. I think it's always going to catch up with us sooner or later.
Coming here every day is a great way to stay motivated. Keep at it (one day at a time)!
I tried the social-drinking experiment too... (actually, twice), but never could convince myself to be happy with an occasional drink here or there. I think it's always going to catch up with us sooner or later.
Coming here every day is a great way to stay motivated. Keep at it (one day at a time)!
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: High Point, NC
Posts: 17
I'm sorry for what you are going through. I know what you mean by drinking on days when things seem to be going perfectly. Maybe you, just like me, have become used to the fact of being/feeling miserable or sad, and on the happy/wonderful days you feel that you do not deserve to feel that way. Well, the truth is, you deserve to feel wonderful everyday, and the first step to getting to that point starts with keeping your sobriety. Obviously, you have done it before, and just experienced a bump, and now you are back. Better today than tomorrow. I will pray for you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 2
Thanks to all who have welcomed me back. Hevyn hit the nail on the head - I can't afford even one day of being hung over and disgusted with myself, so I need to keep coming back here. Too much is at stake in my life right now for me to let that happen again. Thank you all for being here and I will be around...
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