New...I left my alcoholic/addicted girlfriend...struggling
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 1
New...I left my alcoholic/addicted girlfriend...struggling
Hi folks...I'm new here. I want to share some of my story
I've read a lot of stuff here. Looks like I can get some support here.
i'm male, early twenties, from South America
I left my girlfriend this weekend. She does drugs, drinks everyday, smokes a LOT. She is destroying her life very fast. She lost 5 jobs in the last 2 years. She is on the verge of academic collapse.
I've put SO MUCH work on this relationship. We met for the first time when we were both 15, in school. She has been my whole life since then. Also, her friends are my friends. I've got no life outside her.
I gave up the career of my dreams for her. I spent so much money on her. I spent nearly everyday of the last 5 years with her. I did so many dumb stupid things together with her friends, things that I didnt like doing. I helped her doing A LOT of things. I cleaned up her vomit. I hid her marijuana. I lied for her. I fought other people (against my own convictions) for her
Two years ago she told on text message she cheated on me with a guy and was leaving me for him. She came back, I ended up forgiving her.
Now I found out she cheated on me again.
Apparently, she hasn't give a damn about me leaving. I didn't know I was so insignificant.
She is never gonna change. I tried so much, so much to change her.
I AM SO ANGRY. I AM SO ANGRY. Too bad we cant use profanity here. I'd like so much to use the F-word now. Sometimes I have the impulse of get up, go after her, find her, beat her up. I have fantasies of killing her. Sometimes I'm shaking with anger.
But I'm also SO AFRAID. I'm not used to be alone. Now I know for sure that WASTED my life with her. I WILL NEVER GET BACK any of those years! I cant accept it. I know I need to rebuild my life from ZERO. My anxiety is through the roof. Sometimes I begin panicking. Sometimes a think I'm going crazy, schizophrenic.
I am so empty. I don't know who I am.
I have no friends. I come from a dysfunctional family so I have no family support.
Anyone can relate? How do you rebuild your life?
I've read a lot of stuff here. Looks like I can get some support here.
i'm male, early twenties, from South America
I left my girlfriend this weekend. She does drugs, drinks everyday, smokes a LOT. She is destroying her life very fast. She lost 5 jobs in the last 2 years. She is on the verge of academic collapse.
I've put SO MUCH work on this relationship. We met for the first time when we were both 15, in school. She has been my whole life since then. Also, her friends are my friends. I've got no life outside her.
I gave up the career of my dreams for her. I spent so much money on her. I spent nearly everyday of the last 5 years with her. I did so many dumb stupid things together with her friends, things that I didnt like doing. I helped her doing A LOT of things. I cleaned up her vomit. I hid her marijuana. I lied for her. I fought other people (against my own convictions) for her
Two years ago she told on text message she cheated on me with a guy and was leaving me for him. She came back, I ended up forgiving her.
Now I found out she cheated on me again.
Apparently, she hasn't give a damn about me leaving. I didn't know I was so insignificant.
She is never gonna change. I tried so much, so much to change her.
I AM SO ANGRY. I AM SO ANGRY. Too bad we cant use profanity here. I'd like so much to use the F-word now. Sometimes I have the impulse of get up, go after her, find her, beat her up. I have fantasies of killing her. Sometimes I'm shaking with anger.
But I'm also SO AFRAID. I'm not used to be alone. Now I know for sure that WASTED my life with her. I WILL NEVER GET BACK any of those years! I cant accept it. I know I need to rebuild my life from ZERO. My anxiety is through the roof. Sometimes I begin panicking. Sometimes a think I'm going crazy, schizophrenic.
I am so empty. I don't know who I am.
I have no friends. I come from a dysfunctional family so I have no family support.
Anyone can relate? How do you rebuild your life?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 225
(((Ken))) I'm so sorry you are going through this pain. Be glad that this happened now before you got more involved with her. As in marrying, and having children. Living with an A is NO FUN! I know this may not mean much to you now, but you are young-you have a chance to rebuild your life in a healthier way. Perhaps you should try some alanon meetings to help you work through this. Please keep coming back here, read other posts, let us know how you are. Sending you strength and support-
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Columbia MO
Posts: 1,127
Ken, I am so sorry for all you have been through, I am so glad you have found us, I understand your anger, I felt the same way about my ex-wife when I found out she had been cheating on me, but I will tell you, none of it is worth going to prison for!
You can rebuild your life, I found a wonderful woman, I have a great life now, I cherish every single day.
If you are hurting, you need a hug, you want to vent, you can send me a message, I will be there if you need me.
It gets better, I promise.
Big hugs to you buddy.
Bill
You can rebuild your life, I found a wonderful woman, I have a great life now, I cherish every single day.
If you are hurting, you need a hug, you want to vent, you can send me a message, I will be there if you need me.
It gets better, I promise.
Big hugs to you buddy.
Bill
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: new moon road
Posts: 1,545
I'm sorry for your intense pain, Ken. It seems we can have a series of years that are dark and chaotic and we wonder why all of it had to happen to us.
You aren't the first person who ever wanted to beat up or kill an addict who hurt you. The best thing for your sanity and health might be to vigorously exercise off all that aggression and rage so it doesn't turn back on you and cause an accident or an illness. That can happen. But hard exercise can really help you unload.
Also, some addicts, many addicts, have underlying mental disorders and the vortex of chaos around them is extreme. It sounds like you just got swept up and swirled around like a house in a cyclone.
Some addicts are quite ruthless--that lower brain which kicks in--and we are stunned at the pleasure they seem to take in gutting us emotionally.
But all you can do is step out of that cyclone. You won't be able to control it or cure it.
Most of us grew, matured, got smarter, re-set our compasses and our values, as a result of being hurt by an addict. You can too.
For today, it might help to spend a lot of time at the gym and pray to whatever higher power you believe in while you work off your rage.
Welcome to SR.
You aren't the first person who ever wanted to beat up or kill an addict who hurt you. The best thing for your sanity and health might be to vigorously exercise off all that aggression and rage so it doesn't turn back on you and cause an accident or an illness. That can happen. But hard exercise can really help you unload.
Also, some addicts, many addicts, have underlying mental disorders and the vortex of chaos around them is extreme. It sounds like you just got swept up and swirled around like a house in a cyclone.
Some addicts are quite ruthless--that lower brain which kicks in--and we are stunned at the pleasure they seem to take in gutting us emotionally.
But all you can do is step out of that cyclone. You won't be able to control it or cure it.
Most of us grew, matured, got smarter, re-set our compasses and our values, as a result of being hurt by an addict. You can too.
For today, it might help to spend a lot of time at the gym and pray to whatever higher power you believe in while you work off your rage.
Welcome to SR.
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
You are so young! your life is just beginning...
The answer to "how do you rebuild your life?" is one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time...
I also had many fantasies about killing my XABF who I don't think cheated on me but was with someone else days after we broke up! I was devastated, crying all day and night while he was at it with someone else. I never felt so angry.
To channel anger I
1 practice box
2 throw plates at a wall/break glasses (careful)
This woman you describe is troubled and is a tragedy waiting to happen. You are on your way to a healthier lifestyle and great women who will value all you bring to the table. Take this time to be by yourself (we are always alone, was what one therapist told me), learn, rebuild your life.. you have gone through the worst, it gets better (I was at the same spot 3 years ago and nowadays my life is far from perfect but I have felt serenity and realized many things, my life is better, I keep better company and laugh more often. There are rough spots but I do no longer feel as alone as I was when with XABF and after the breakup. It DOES get better!.)
The answer to "how do you rebuild your life?" is one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time...
I also had many fantasies about killing my XABF who I don't think cheated on me but was with someone else days after we broke up! I was devastated, crying all day and night while he was at it with someone else. I never felt so angry.
To channel anger I
1 practice box
2 throw plates at a wall/break glasses (careful)
This woman you describe is troubled and is a tragedy waiting to happen. You are on your way to a healthier lifestyle and great women who will value all you bring to the table. Take this time to be by yourself (we are always alone, was what one therapist told me), learn, rebuild your life.. you have gone through the worst, it gets better (I was at the same spot 3 years ago and nowadays my life is far from perfect but I have felt serenity and realized many things, my life is better, I keep better company and laugh more often. There are rough spots but I do no longer feel as alone as I was when with XABF and after the breakup. It DOES get better!.)
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
Ken,
Welcome! Your anger is understandable and OK. That's one thing I've learned -- not to censor my feelings, but to be very careful with how I express them.
One thing I've done (a lot) is write long angry letters to my AXH where I've told him exactly how I feel about him. And then I never send them. But I save them. Why? Because as angry as I am at times, I also slide back at times and feel sorry for him. And then it's good to be able to go back and read those letters and remind myself of why I left.
You invested a lot in this relationship. You chose to. Because it was worth it to you, then. It seems like you've decided it no longer is, which makes you free to make other choices, based on what YOU want. That is exciting.
Your time with her wasn't wasted. Just because a relationship doesn't last forever doesn't mean it didn't have meaning, at one point.
Welcome! Your anger is understandable and OK. That's one thing I've learned -- not to censor my feelings, but to be very careful with how I express them.
One thing I've done (a lot) is write long angry letters to my AXH where I've told him exactly how I feel about him. And then I never send them. But I save them. Why? Because as angry as I am at times, I also slide back at times and feel sorry for him. And then it's good to be able to go back and read those letters and remind myself of why I left.
You invested a lot in this relationship. You chose to. Because it was worth it to you, then. It seems like you've decided it no longer is, which makes you free to make other choices, based on what YOU want. That is exciting.
Your time with her wasn't wasted. Just because a relationship doesn't last forever doesn't mean it didn't have meaning, at one point.
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